I’ve actually had people be less pushy about it once I hit my 30’s. Though I still get the occasional “why not?” and “what if your husband changes his mind?” when they ask if I have children. Which is honeslty pretty crazy to me, what if it wasn’t by choice (it is) and now you’re asking “why not?” to someone who wants them but for whatever reason can’t have them.
I’m fortunate enough that my parents and in-laws both don’t bother us about it. They’d love grandkids but know we won’t be having any. The pressure mostly came from coworkers in my 20’s where they’d say “You’ll change your mind” and dismiss my opinions.
When my now-spouse and I were still fairly early in our relationship they asked me to go with them to their gyno appointment, because they wanted to get a tubal ligation.
The Dr actually protested and asked “well this is just a boyfriend, what if your future husband wants kids?”
To which I responded "even if that’s not me who the fuck cares if some potential future Douchebag disagrees with their choice and wants to force them into having kids? Why are you asking like it’s not 100% their choice? Even If I wanted kids and were married right now, tough shit it’s not my body. "
We don’t go there anymore, but it’s a super religious hospital masquerading as not religious. But when your entire board is religious, the major donations are from churches, a lot of the staff go to said churches, and your medical decisions clearly reflect religious views, you can’t really claim to be anything but a religious organization… Unfortunately, the only one within half an hour drive of here…
CW: SA
My decision to have a child was made for me when my then-wife stopped using her birth control without telling me. A few years prior to her actions we had a conversation about kids that was left unresolved. I wanted us to be in a better place financially before trying because I had always loved the idea of a stay-at-home dad, present in his children’s lives (and other experiences I didn’t have growing up), but then COVID happened and we both lost our jobs. In the midst of recovering from a mental burnout from a career I hated and a nightmarish job hunt, I was also experiencing a final dying gasp of performative hyper-masculinity, eventually channeled into working outside with my body for 40 hours a week while achieving the Adonis look. It was what I had always told myself I wanted if I couldn’t be a girl, but finally having achieved it, it still didn’t fit right.
Amidst this, my ex arbitrarily decided to try for a baby, perhaps hoping it would convince me to go back out for higher paying office jobs or something. I have never received a real answer from her, other than her friend suggested she do it and she listened, but this is classic deflection from her. We won’t get into it. My ex allegedly tried for only one month, and thus, a Star were Born.
Fast forward four years of motherhood, gender discovery, and divorce; My kiddo is the sweetest nugget, my ex still can’t use my name correctly and is (has always been?) a real terfy lesbian, and I’m trying to make the best of the world catching on fire while explaining it to a creature who nuzzles into me when it’s scared and whose consciousness hasn’t yet turned on.
So much it gave me a panic attack after a family Christmas. I have andometriosis and a buffet of mental health problems. I don’t want kids.
My family said something to me about it a few times and i told them to adopt if they were hurting for more kids around and that shut them up.
I dont want kids and never did. But especially not in this horrid version of global capitalism.
I don’t get pressured to have kids at all. When I say “I had My genitals surgically removed”, that’s a level of asexuality that normal people don’t know how to be assholes about at all. It’s an out of context problem for the moderate conservative brain.
I got asked about it by psychiatrists when I was getting My surgery letters, and I told them, “If I want to have a kid, I’ll adopt. The world has enough babies, and this cultural obsession with having a kid who shares your genes seems kinda eugenecist.”
What
Tell Me which part is confusing and I can try to explain it better
Oh, and I didn’t tell the psychiatrists this, but I already did adopt. I brought a couple of wonderful trans pups into My life and I’m helping them get stronger and braver and make their way in the world. That’s the kind of family I want to make, and I did.
30s? You can have a baby as a teen, and encouraged to do so by the political right that still won’t can child marriage and revenue completed that teen births are down.
I was asked why I even got married if I didn’t want kids. That was really rich, coming from someone who had two kids out of wedlock.
It’s a lot easier to become indifferent toward your pet. They’re also easier to get rid of. Some people just be looking out for dogs.
Pressure started at about 17 and was gone by my 30s.
30s!? In THIS economy?
