Had this same problem with a friend I saw some four months after I had figured out I’m trans.
“Are you sure?”
“Maybe you are actually __”
“Have you not thought even for a while that you might be wrong? I recommend you think about that possibility!”
“You are okay as you are.”
“You don’t need to feel dysphoria.”
“You’re always being so radical, is this just about you hating men? You should not hate men.”
He seemed hellbent on asking every infantilizing question anyone has ever invented about trans people. That was one very very very strenuous “conversation”!
Cripes. “you don’t need to feel dysphoria” is right up there with asking a depressed person “Have you tried not being sad”.
…oh. i initially read that as “you don’t need to feel dysphoria [to be trans]” and wasn’t sure what the problem was.
I thought based on the other non-supportive statements it was meant in the more dismissive way.
(i assumed that much based on context, but couldn’t figure out how it could be interpreted dismissively until seeing the comparison with “have you tried not being sad”)
Your friend sounds a lot like my self doubts (yes I am doing all this just because it makes it less weird to hate men, duh /s), I’m glad I haven’t met him
I handled it so badly when my son came out to me. I just kept getting images of him being abused by transphobes, getting hurt, dying. I freaked the fuck out and said a bunch of shit like this. I deeply regret it. If your kid comes to you with something like this, if you need time, take it, do anything other than word vomit nonsense at them. I’m lucky my boy is so great, but I have no doubt I probably hurt him with my outburst.
Most people are like this about pretty much every chronic issue… fucking sucks.
I am not trans but i get sooo frustrated with people even if they are “supportive”.
Like i had a huge fight with a friend bc he said that medical intervention should only be allowed for adults and i was like, the parents of the kids, the kids themselves, their physicians and psychologists says its good for them and statistics agree too and he just wouldn’t stop saying " its just my opinion its just my opinion, why can’t you accept my opinion" Because your fucking opinion is WRONG objectivly WRONG. You didn’t do the tiniest bit of research, you do not have a single argument, i layed it out step by step for you and you still come to the wrong conclusion just say i don’t know enough to have an opinion on this but if you form one and voice it you gotta defend it ESPECIALLY when this community is under threat and your stupid ass “opinion” based on nothing might make the differnce for trans people if they keep their rights or not.
It shouldn’t be controversial to expect that people base their opinion on more than a gut feeling. If you feel “passionate” enough stating your opinion out loud you should feel passionate enough to take like half an hour to get your facts straight. Fucking infuriating .
just say i don’t know enough to have an opinion on this
It would be so nice if people could do this.
Also admit that they were misinformed or that they need a moment to think about what you’ve presented. Sometimes it seems like we expect everyone to have an immediate iron clad opinion.
“It’s just my opinion” so I don’t have to defend it but also we should ban stuff based on it even when everyone actually involved in the decision has a different opinion. Why can’t you respect THEIR opinion, Kyle?
If it’s just your opinion then stop forcing it on others. If it’s not JUST your opinion, defend it. Can’t have it both ways.
I’m a cis people, but struggling with mental health and life and … so many things.
I think “normal” people are just oblivious to most things outside their scope.
“You’re depressed? Have you tried to be happy?”
“You’re feeling burned out? Have you tried to be happy with what you have? Other people have way less!”
Geez, thanks for the idea! I’m much better now!
And sorry for breaking in here. I do not mean harm.
Don’t be sorry. It really is a similar type of frustration
“Have you tried to be happy with what you have? Other people have way less!”
Yes and when I think about how other people are worse off, it makes me feel like a piece of shit for feeling bad despite being better off, which amazingly does not help me feel happy
Have you tried prayer? (Do I need /s?)
Yes, I have tried praying for big tits. Sadly, god did not bless me with them.
Don’t pray for big tits, lift yourself up by your bra straps! God helps those who help themselves 😤
Greatest tragedy of our time :(
“Tried Prayer. She’s a terrible lay and I’m still trans.”
YUP. Do they think transitioning was the first thing I tried? Or maybe it was the end result of a decade of “untreatable” anxiety and depression, plenty of therapy, self-reflection, being in the queer community, and talking to other trans people?
Turns out the anxiety and depression is pretty treatable after all, thanks E!
Cis people suddenly pretending they love and support feminine men always gives my brain a tickle, but also i was already a fae man, no thanks, but also, everyone thinks i’m just a femme man, checkmate
:(
:)
To be fair this is just how people are in general. I’m not saying it’s good, but people always seem to make assumptions regarding your knowledge of your own feelings and not trusting you to act in your own best interests.
also, it’s frequently just a way to get a conversation started. not about this topic in particular, but in general.
i.e. a coworker asks me “hey, my computer’s not working, the screen’s constantly black”. and i will ask them, “well, did you check the cable connections” while knowing full well that they 100% obviously checked that. but i just say it anyways, to get the conversation rolling.
There’s two options here
- I’m only 40% convinced they even did anything on the list of questions I’m going to ask because it’s always them
- I’m trying to start a conversation
This is why I’m a misanthrope
Sorry that you have to deal with it. People making assumptions is never pleasant.
Not trans here, Mentally ill, so know a little of your frustration when given “advice” for what you should have, should do, blah, blah, blah. I’ve been told to “just be happy”. Asked “why are you depressed?”. Told “Don’t worry, you’ll get over it soon. I always do.”. Nobody knows exactly what goes on in anybody else’s mind. People with diagnoses like mine have an idea of what’s going on in my head (somebody should), but never exactly. Noone should offer me advice, share my diagnoses/what I’ve shared with them or judge me at all for what I am. Likewise I should provide everyone the same respect.
“Im concerned about this for a whole five seconds and then will never think about it again.”
"You don’t like SRS because you think it’s an abomination
I don’t like SRS because I need more gocks in my life
We are not the same"
but premium pussy 😔
“more radical” mfer, maybe they aren’t trying to be radical!
As a cis male, I’m the greatest thinker on trans topics of all time.
I’m kidding, of course. Some people are pretty dumb.
