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silence7 ( silence7@slrpnk.net )  to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 7 days ago

DOJ To Bring Back Firing Squad As Means Of Entertainment

theonion.com

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DOJ To Bring Back Firing Squad As Means Of Entertainment

theonion.com

silence7 ( silence7@slrpnk.net )  to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 7 days ago
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WASHINGTON—In an effort to provide some joy to the nation and boost overall well-being, Justice Department officials announced plans Monday to bring back firing squads as a means of entertainment. “For too long, weak-on-fun Democrats have prevented our country from exercising this beloved tradition of murdering for enjoyment,” said acting Attorney General Todd Blanche, claiming […]

Actual policy: livestream firing squad executions

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  • Assassassin ( Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) 
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    7 days ago

    Published: April 27, 2026

    The onion is just a crystal ball at this point

    • silence7 ( silence7@slrpnk.net ) OP
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      7 days ago

      Been that way since they did Bush’s inauguration speech. He didn’t accomplish everything the Onion mentioned, but he sure tried.

      • Assassassin ( Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) 
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        7 days ago

        I knew which article you linked before I even clicked it. Do you think that onion writers discovered the secrets to time travel, but are only able to reveal what they know through satire due to convoluted time travel rules? That’s obviously the only rational explanation.

        • djsoren19 ( djsoren19@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 
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          7 days ago

          it’s not time travel. If you just listen to Republicans, they’ll gleefully explain the nightmare world they want to create. All the Onion did was treat it as a threat rather than fantasy.

  • frank ( frank@sopuli.xyz ) 
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    7 days ago

    Damn, the onion is just a prediction machine these days

  • Amuro_eat ( Amuro_eat@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 
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    7 days ago

    It’s not even satire

    • Tuchowski ( adipoeserPursch@troet.cafe ) 
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      7 days ago

      @Amuro_eat @silence7 Well, it could get worse, as @derpostillon (a german satire site) predicts…
      https://mastodon.social/@derpostillon/117411086897500458

      https://mastodon.social/@derpostillon/117411086897500458

      • Amuro_eat ( Amuro_eat@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 
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        6 days ago

        Fuck, it’ll probably get to that. I’m fully expecting a Running Man scenario soon enough to be normalized and all these shit eating piece of shit americans will cheer it on. I just hope we get an embargo slapped on us here, this shit country deserves to suffer.

  • Steve ( Steve@startrek.website ) 
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    7 days ago

    The onion is just reporting the news now.

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