How the fuck is it that ONLY A FELONY CONVICTION would exclude this POS from the candidacy?

No, seriously. In any sane country, ongoing legal criminal charges would exclude you from serving in a (new) public position. You simply wouldn’t qualify.

But yeah I guess it makes sense in the US of Assholes that a legitimate candidate is disqualified because they happened to work for the federal government (okay okay I see how it could be a conflict of interest in some cases), whereas being charged with rape is pretty much a “don’t even think about it” thing for a position like police chief…

The US does like to reward child rapists so that tracks

Sounds overqualified.