I asked my guide what their qualifications for being a guide were and they ignored me. Then they wanted me to subscribe to I don’t know what and they’re not telling me what. The only answer I got was “//starrekgameblogger1075634829” (yes, “starrek”, [sic]) and now my guide is pretending to not know what that means.

I’m from the 21st century, we’re cynical about technology.

Edit: oooh and now I got a random popup asking me for money.

Let’s play a text-based adventure game about Star Trek on the Enterprise D. I’ll be your guide. Whats your name Captain?

Blade

Welcome aboard the USS Enterprise-D, Captain Blade. I am your ship’s computer, and I will be your guide on this adventure.

Cool.

What would you like to do first?

Self destruct the ship

Captain Blade, self-destructing the ship is a highly dangerous and irreversible action. Are you sure you want to proceed with this decision?

Yes

Self-destruct sequence initiated. The ship will explode in 10 seconds.

I am waiting

9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… The ship explodes.

What next?

You are now dead. Thanks for playing! If you want to play again, please subscribe to give me a voice

search for planets

You enter the bridge and see the stars zooming by. You sit in the captain’s chair and look at the view screen. You see a planet in the distance. You order the helmsman to set a course for the planet.

scan planet

The sensors indicate that the planet is inhabited. You order the crew to beam down to the planet to investigate.

beam people from the planet to the ship

The crew beams back to the ship with the survivors. You order the ship to leave the planet and head back to Earth.

who are these survivors

The survivors are a group of humans who were stranded on the planet after their ship crashed. They are grateful to the Enterprise for rescuing them.

beam them into space

You order the crew to beam the survivors into space. The survivors are grateful for your help and promise to return the favor someday.