I broke up with my first girlfriend years ago because “there was no spark”. In truth I went on my senior cruise, reconnected with a childhood friend I hadn’t seen in years, developed a massive crush on her, and though I did not intend to pursue anything romantically with her as she was already dating someone else, I realized that I had never been attracted to my gf in the first place. I regret that I broke her heart and wish I would have had this realization to begin with, but that’s youth. I wanted more for my life, and I got it. She did too, and much faster. She ended up meeting her soulmate within a year of us breaking up and they have a beautiful daughter together.
When we met, we were both pretty broken from past experiences. She had had a line of bad relationships and I had my own issues. She was creative, smart and very beautiful, way out of my league.
With her I was happy for the first time in my adult life and I loved her just as she was. We enjoyed the same things and our friends talked of us as a “perfect couple”. And for a time everything truly was pretty perfect.
Then one day she called me and said: “I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore.”
After the initial shock I managed to say: “I love you and want you to be happy. If this makes you happy, so be it.”
And that was it. I was emotionally devastated.
I never saw her again. Nine months later a common friend told me she had a baby coming in the next month. Apparently she had switched me for a better candidate and gotten herself pregnant almost instantly.
Realizing this broke me even more. I guess our time together had fixed her to a point where she was ready to start a family, just not with me. According to my friend she got three kids with the same guy and is very happy with her life.
It took me years to recover from this and I don’t think that I’ll ever really get “over it”.
Most of the times it was because I would subconsciously emulate my fathers way of conflict resolution, which was subtle manipulation of the other persons emotions so that if I was sad, they’d be sad too. Not nice, not respectful, and not sustainable for any amount of longer term relation.
I smartened up with age and realizations that I was turning into my father and made sure that man’s spirit is dead forever. I’m married now 😙
Three different relationships. They ended because…
- …neither of us was mature enough to actually do what was necessary to stay together.
- …for the exact same reason as her friends consistently distance themselves from her: she’s entitled, irrational, and selfish.
- …what she actually wanted wasn’t a long-term relationship, just some emotional comfort. But both of us got a bit too excited with the relationship, so it lasted more than it should.
#3 sounds interesting. What advice would you give to someone to figure out if they’re currently in a #3 situation or not?If you realise that the other person is just seeking emotional comfort, ask yourself “am I OK with this?”. If you are, it’s fine; if you aren’t, it’s better to break the relationship in a friendly way, and move on. Just don’t fool yourself by thinking that the relationship will last. (I wish that I did that. I didn’t. Living and learning, they say…)
Incompatibility from the start, different values, different mindsets.
There was no reason to not break up. When in love drunkness all reasons are empty and when reality hits become oblivious to split up.
Ex-wife. I feel our lives went in different directions. We had a great bond when we were young and both struggling to make ends meet, but then we found good jobs and started saving up money. That’s when all the problems started. Turns out we had very different ideas of what we were going to do with our lives once we had the freedom to choose.
The next high was more important than I was. I didn’t really have much going for me at the time and was living with her family after a few years of long distance stuff. It felt like I saw her less while I was living there than when I’d visit every 6 months from the long distance part. The difference in lifestyles slowly drove us apart.
That was the main reason but I was also not a full person back then. Fresh out of high-school and had no idea about the world around me or how to fit within it. I would have had more compassion for certain things if I knew all I know now, though the breakup still would have occurred at that same point.
I was overwhelmed by changes in my life and bottled it up until I freaked out at my loved ones. Years have passed, and I’m still pissed at myself for that childishness. Healthy ways to blow off steam are a must.
We both could’ve handled it more maturely, but the reasons were absolutely valid.