To be fair I still do these things but only when I’m alone.
Personally I love finding big puddles and then dig drains with a stick or my heel and watch the water flow.
Also love to throw a piece of wood into water and then toss stones high up in the air and try hit it imagining it’s a warship I’m trying to bomb.
Then also without going into details there are some pieces of clothing I would like to wear but don’t because they’re considered femine or gay.
I do whatever the fuck I want, unless it is unpolite or could hurt somebody’s freedom.
I learnt that, as I don’t give a shit about what people are doing, they must also don’t give a shit either. People just care about themselves most of the time. The day I realized that, I had a strong freedom feeling.
Having kids multiplied this attitude by 1000 and actually, I see people smiling and interacting with us while we’re fooling around.
GO PLAY WITH FUCKING PUDDLES WEARING PINK PANTIES ON YOUR HEAD MY DUDE ! I might join you.
Ideally yes. But as a guy I have been insulted in public for small things like wearing nail polish, and that’s in a liberal German city. Most people don’t care, some don’t like it, some compliment it and some make me feel unsafe.
And that of course has an effect in other areas too: what if my boss or my coworkers don’t like me wearing nail polish? They would never be open about it (our company would not allow it), but it might lead to some bias against me. And as they wouldn’t be open about it, I couldn’t react to it (by calling them out or changing jobs). Instead I might just advance more slowly and wonder why that is. It really fucks with your mind, when you know there is bias against you (or something you do) but you never know in which situations it actually comes into play.
I still wear nail polish most of the time, because fuck the haters and we need to make progress somehow, but it’s not as easy as “I don’t care about them so they don’t care about me”.
I got you. Of course it’s easier said than done. But you got to be nuanced and able to read the room. Maybe think ahead to avoid being in trouble (work, edgy neighborhoods).
But in the end, you must not care. Even insults. Insults have the value only you give to them.
Take care ♥️
I’ve always been such a child at heart and my soul is bursting with whimsical energy when I see kids playing pretend at the playground next to where I walk my dogs. I’d love to play pretend with them, encourage the children to really let their imaginations run wild and free. I was often lost in my own world as child. I know what it’s like to be so consumed by it. I want to fight the robot king, too!
I’m an adult male however. I would definitely look like a child predator, so I must go on my way.
To all of you guys who enjoy playing pretend, I want to suggest to try playing improv theater. There are often beginner courses and its a kind of slightly guided cooperative make believe. My personal recommendation: try long form Impro and not just short form (which I learned to be the goofier of the two). For me it was very freeing to find an outlet for this stuff where it’s suddenly even cool.
maybe look into LARPing too.
Join a local theatre group
In my past I used to take on janitorial or maintenance jobs, but the grossness of the job combined with the attitude of the general public just made it unbearable. People would ask me if I was a citizen and when I said yes, they’d tell me that it’s a job for immigrants. They’d also say that it’s a job for slaves and ask if I felt like a slave doing that kind of work.
I used to do Janitorial work, And I got respect for it.
And you deserve respect for it to.
because decent people understand you are the fulcrum upon which their nice world balances on.
People like you deal with have less value than the effluence from an overflowing toilet.
Sorry you deal with such shitty people man.
Wow! That is surprising to hear.
I’ve been into BDSM stuff since I was a kid basically, but I’ve always been to embarrassed to tell anyone or act on it because it’s some seriously kinky shit.
Wear a fanny pack/carry a non-backpack bag as a man.
It’s so convenient to have a bag full of stuff on you. Like I’m out and have a headache, boom Aspirin. At dinner and got some food in your teeth, bam flosser. It’s very satisfying when a situation comes up and you have the exact thing to solve a problem right there in your bag. But a backpack is too big and bulky and anything smaller becomes a purse and this looks down upon for a man to carry.
I only get the courage to wear it when on a trip where I can overly justify it. Like hiking, or a theme park or convention. I feel like if it was an everyday thing I’d have to explain it or hear about it more than I’d want to.
I see more and more men wearing fanny-pack-like crossbody bags where I am (Holland). Hopefully it will start catching on in your area!
I’m in Portland, OR and I see them a ton!
If you can pull it off, even a dress can be manly
Get a cross body sling, One of those travel digital nomad things. The brand ones aren’t cheap but it’s like somewhat fashionable. Maybe that could work?
I honestly never realized how much of af my stepdad did not give until much later. As a diabetic he would wear a fanny pack with his insulin, needless, and extra sugar drop candy in case his sugars dropped. This was before pumps were a thing. He would also wear bike shorts, slip on shoes with socks, a regular white t-shirt and a flannel as an outfit with the fanny pack. Oh and also transition lenses. The thing about the bike shorts is that his legs look like an eldritch horror because diabetics don’t heal very quickly when they get a scrape or cut. He also kind of looks like Dale from King of the hill.
I’m sure the picture I’m creating in my head is way more majestic than the reality was, but It’s beautiful. Sounds like after the fanny pack and socks he just said fuck it and leaned into it hard.
- intensely_human ( @intensely_human@lemm.ee ) 10•1 year ago
Breaking my very long period of unplanned celibacy.
I think I could get laid, but I’m worried I wouldn’t perform well in bed and that I’d be shamed for it.
I think I could get laid, but I’m worried I wouldn’t perform well in bed and that I’d be shamed for it.
You’d be surprised how many people are totally willing to work with you on something like that.
- intensely_human ( @intensely_human@lemm.ee ) 2•1 year ago
Not at my age.
are you really old or really young? Either way, I know I was always willing to work with whoever I was seeing even if they couldn’t perform like they want to.
- intensely_human ( @intensely_human@lemm.ee ) 2•1 year ago
That’s good of you. My ex wouldn’t acknowledge the existence of any problems at all. Like, our sex sucked, and she said it was great, then went and cheated.
If she’d done what you do — acknowledge and help tackle the problem — it could have been awesome. But she just refused to acknowledge anything was wrong.
Your approach says “You’re not there but you can get there”.
Her approach said “You’re hopeless”.
Before that relationship my confidence was fine and I was fine too. It really did a number on my head to have her lie to me about something so important.
That’s good of you. My ex wouldn’t acknowledge the existence of any problems at all. Like, our sex sucked, and she said it was great, then went and cheated.
That’s terrible and I know what you mean. I have had two different guys cheat on me cause they never really liked me to begin with.
And yeah, its so hard to trust anyone now because so many people come off as liars. Especially after being lied to about something so personal.
- intensely_human ( @intensely_human@lemm.ee ) 2•1 year ago
One little bit at a time. Godspeed in healing your trust!
thanks!
I’m so scared to be seen, that I can’t even go for a walk. I also want to get skateboard, but I can’t for the same reason. I’m terrified to be seen alone, or just seen in general.
Yet despite this, somehow I’m the opposite of that and manage a bunch of girls with compete confidence when I’m at work. I also have to deal with a ton of customers and don’t even hesitate to say no or let them have negative judgement to me. I’m very socially competent and meet new people all the time without fear of rejection and opening up. I definitely stand out, in a good way.
Yet I’m scared of them simply watching me going for a walk outside??
Interesting. I’m not scared of being seen but I like to not be seen. I spend a lot of time in nature and I always wear only earth tones. I like it when other people pass me up close but fail to notice me. I wonder if it has something to do with my voyeuristic tendencies. I love to just sit in a cafe to and watch people passing by.
I remember I couldn’t even use earphones on the street or on school because I thought people were going to look at me more, even thought everybody uses them
I’d seek help, don’t want to tell people what’s normal and what’s not, but that’s definitely a slight deviation from the norm and it’s not helpful to you
That’s what it’s like to have GAD
Or being traumatized from being autistic and getting side eyes, snickers, giggles, eye rolls, scoffs, and bullying whenever you committed some social faux pas.
There’s loads of little daft hobbies I either don’t do at all or hide. I went magnet fishing with a friend once, we found some cool jewellery that I still have and it was fun, so I went home and bought my own kit, I’ve never been though cause I don’t want to be that person doing it alone, or to actually ask anyone to come. Just lives in a box.
Sounds like you’re still a kid at heart. I’ve got a 2yr old and I immensely enjoy playing these sorts of games with him. My wife always jokes that I’m using the sandbox more than him, she even snapped a couple of pics of me playing alone in there.
What kind of clothes are you talking about? A skirt on a man is still pretty courageous, but if you’re talking about a pink shirt just go for it. You’ll not be judged.
What kind of clothes are you talking about?
Overknee socks, crop tops, tiny shorts, speedos, yoga pants …
I’m perfectly aware that it’s not that others care that’s holding me back but the fact that I care. Doesn’t make it any easier though.
Ayy, speedos gang! May others avert their eyes if they can’t handle me and all my sexiness, and may the rest of you, girls or guys, enjoy the eye candy.
Regarding the original question, while I’m already running around in speedos, I absolutely wouldn’t mind some more colorful clothes, or perhaps some final fantasy/guild wars inspired clothing. Like those outer coats that go all the way to your shoes, but with decorations and stuff. But I feel that the included judging is a commitment I’m not ready for yet.
Overknee socks, crop tops, tiny shorts, speedos, yoga pants …
There’s quite a few guys who dress like this where I live and I find they are often not single.
Pretty much that last paragraph of yours.
I don’t care if people see me as childish, weird, or even dumb. I do lots of things that make me seem all of those things.
But that makes me hesitate for some reason.
I did open up about it to some friends I was sure wouldn’t judge, and it helped a lot.
May i ask what kind of clothes you mean?
Skirts, dresses, thigh highs, crop tops, and just generally the womens section of the clothing store. So many items there that are a lot more interesting than what the mens section has to offer.
That reminds me of men’s haircuts. If you’re sticking to traditional short hair you basically just walk in and go… Okay, how much longer do I want the top than the sides and do I want a fade or a hard line? And that’s pretty much it.
Going for longer hair as a guy just gives you so many more options.
I’m so annoyed by hair… I want to let mine grow so bad, but pollen/dustmite allergies and long hair is an awful combination
It’s definitely got a lot of caveats. For me, it is annoying to need to put my hair up every time I eat, otherwise I eat my hair. But I love the way it feels moving around and if you have any social anxiety it conceals your face when you look down, which can be helpful as an instant hideaway.
But yes, it is definitely many times less manageable than short hair. However… I don’t have bedhead ever!
just be sure not to pull your hair up too tight and you’re good
Feeling my hair in the wind was definitely the best thing about my short-lived long hair adventure, gotta say
Never thought of that before, but you’re right. Way bigger variety of stuff
Right? Women have like twenty different types of tops in all the shapes and cuts imaginable
And colours! So many colours.
The material’s always nicer too.
Seriously, if I wear one more sandpaper hoodie, I’m gonna cry
I really love that some guys look at women’s clothing and think “oh that’s more interesting”
I totally agree. My wardrobe is gigantic cause there are so many things you can do.
More men should just wear whatever, tshirt and jeans is really getting boring, isn’t it.
Yes! I use to be a shirt and jeans person. Then one day I realized jeans made of denim aren’t all that comfy. And I could dress up more! And that actually there’s all kinds of stuff out there I can look good in.
I just need some of that confidence of yours, though. Maybe I’ll do a full dress-up on halloween first, so people don’t ask too much, because my god, do I not have the nerve for questions.
Halloween is the best time to try out dressing up!
I’d be more comfortable with physical contact. I’m NB, but most people still perceive me and treat me as a man (even though I’ve said many times that I’m not) and that comes with the stigma of keeping distance.
I also love to play with LEGOs, it’s kind of therapeutical I guess. It’s just me, talking about random things. It’s the same with videogames, I mostly play RPGs, but it isn’t as “weird”.
BTW, while I’m non-binary, I’m still involved in man’s problems because I live them for my appearence. I also help some male friends with their problems with masculininty and feminism, so they don’t end up being redpilled alpha sigma males lol
As soon as you leave high school, if not before, you should be your own person. Blaming others for things you want to do isn’t healthy and shouldn’t be used as an excuse.
You’re right. And yet people still do it. Hence this post.
Thinking out loud
Nothing. I truly do not give a fuck anymore.
The key is to accept there will be social consequences and to ignore them. Once people see the consequences they impose do not affect you, especially after they escalate which they will do at first, they’ll stop and accept your behavior.
- Fizz ( @Fizz@lemmy.nz ) 6•1 year ago
Probably make videos of interesting things I do. Sometimes I do something and think this is the kind of stuff I watch on YouTube.