Say you went out on like 2 dates and said person was too clingy and you ghost em, now you might have to face them due to work. Apologize or not? And if apologize, do it preemptively or upon meeting?

Also generally as a moral stance should you??

    • sara ( sara@lemmy.today ) 
      10·
      3 years ago

      This is correct. I’m sure the woman has moved on at this point but she definitely remembers. A simple “sorry, ghosting you wasn’t right” will go a long way.

        • idiomaddict ( idiomaddict@feddit.de ) 
          1·
          3 years ago

          I agree with parts of this, but don’t know how to put this delicately: this is a very reasonable opinion to hold if you aren’t in the position that most of your dating partners could relatively easily kill you.

          I think ghosting should only be done in the case of safety concerns (in which case, I agree, you’re not thinking about work awkwardness), but waiting until someone’s hit you is suicidal. In the case of, let’s say, a 25 year old woman, she’s statistically likely to have been getting harassed in public for more than a decade, and likely has a good idea about when something feels off. It’s not reasonable to expect her to initiate a conversation that the other person might take as an attack if it feels like it’s not safe to do so. With unstable people, simply becoming less interesting to them, by responding less and less can be a safer way to end things than by provoking them.

          Disclaimer: I’m not suggesting that only heterosexual men are violent in relationships and only heterosexual women are abused. I am saying that due to standard phenotypic differences, this type of violence is most likely to be catastrophic even in small doses. I’m a large woman (178 cm/5’10”), and taller than my fiancé, but when he cracks my back, for example, it’s very clear to me that he could squeeze me to death without too much trouble. My sister played rugby for a decade and did martial arts for several years, she’s strong as fuck. She used to wait a month or two to spar with her new male teammates, because an untrained but relatively fit man would generally be able to accidentally seriously injure her. This got way off topic, sorry.

          TL;DR: waiting until a person has hit you is too long to wait when that one hit can be fatal

    • lotanis ( lotanis@discuss.tchncs.de ) 
      3·
      3 years ago

      Yeah, I think you have to acknowledge it or they’ll feel (at best) incredibly awkward the whole time. Don’t make a big deal of it though - say you’re “sorry you ghosted her and no-one deserves that. If she wants to talk about it then you’re willing, but otherwise won’t mention it again”.

  • shapis ( shapis@lemmy.ml ) 
    29·
    3 years ago

    I’ve only ever had one date in my life that went bad. I had a feeling I was about to get ghosted so I asked her to like. Lemme know why it went so bad from her pov. It was an interesting conversation.

    If they bring it up just be honest with them.

      • shapis ( shapis@lemmy.ml ) 
        23·
        3 years ago

        This was forever ago. But basically we both drove to a mall for I think sushi and a movie ?

        The conversation during sushi went swell but during the movies I could tell she was sitting farther away from me than she had to.

        On the way out I asked her if she wanted me to walk her out and she said nah. I was taken aback it was late at night. And was like. Are you sure ? She said yes so we parted ways.

        I remember thinking man I’m not sure what I did wrong. That whole thing usually works. Lol.

        Once I got home I messaged that I apologized if I made her feel uncomfortable in anyway and asked her on her end what went so wrong.

        She told me during the movie / on the way out she thought I might attempt to kiss her. And she wasn’t feeling that way. I thanked her for being honest and that was that.

        I wouldn’t have tried tho. I was fully aware that things weren’t going ideal. But yeah. Thats the story.

  • roguetrick ( roguetrick@kbin.social ) 
    14·
    3 years ago

    There’s no point in apologizing. They won’t gain anything by being reminded that you rejected them and they likely wouldn’t feel better knowing why. If they say something, then apologize vaguely. If they press provide details. Otherwise ignore.