Cw: suicide, suicidal ideation
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Jake fidgeted nervously. He knew the longer his grades declined, the higher a chance his mother might notice. He’d just hoped with the move, and her job, she might take a little while longer. He sat tracing mazes in the linoleum at his feet, waiting for her return. He sat like this for what felt to him like days, until a distant train horn snapped him out of it. Unlucky that, because at that moment his mother returned with a severe expression. Here’s how I’ll play it, he thought, I’ll blame the move and make sure that’s it. She only needs to know about the grades, so I can’t get distracted. “Jake, hon, are you ready to talk now?” He nodded a little, eyes glazed still to the floor. Caitlyn Winters dragged a chair near to her son, in preparation for a long talk. Jake steeled himself, as he was so used to doing. “Jake, Mr. Novak called today and… well, it’s not looking too good. 3 Fs, and the others are Ds. He’s saying if you don’t start improving, well… you can get the gist.” “Yeah, sorry mom, it’s just with the move and all, yknow? Makes it hard to focus sometimes. But I promise to fix those, ok?” His eyes remained focused on the ground. “Hon, you said that three months ago. I understand these things take time, but I understand other things too.” Crap, Jake thought, here we go. “I understand what it means when I’m cleaning all of your dinner off a plate, because you forgot to throw it out before I noticed. I understand what it means when you spend all your time in your room, what it means when I ask you to do chores and you completely forget them. Jake, I’m your mother, and I know when you aren’t doing well.” What an understatement. “I’m fine mom, honest. It’s just the move yknow, and just getting- “A train horn blared distantly, and Jake froze. Caitlyn Winters could see the sick form of desire written on his face. “Jake, do you ever…” Said as it always is, grasping and avoiding those last few words that give it all weight. Jake felt the blood boil inside him, he tried keeping calm but within seconds all he could think about was the question, the blood, the train. “Yknow why you’re asking that, mom.” Caitlyn looked shocked, and hurt, but Jake could no longer see her. “Yknow, just like EVERYONE ELSE who’s asked that question what the answer is. Don’t pretend with me. You know, you noticed, you see it EVERYWHERE. So don’t give me this moralizing, don’t pretend like you’re asking that to help because IT NEVER DOES. Yknow what I think of after that question? I think of that damn train. I think of that train blaring its horn. I think of it, rushing past at high speed, thundering through this town. AND I THINK OF JUMPING IN FRONT OF IT. EVERY. DAMN. TIME.”
Jake focused yet again on those mazes underneath him. He regretted it now, but so had he regretted everything up to this. It took him a moment to process the tight bear hug his mother placed him in. “Jake… I asked you that because- “Quick breath in. “Because I also thought about that. I still think about it. And I don’t- “Another breath. “I don’t want you to go through it alone like- like- “ And with a voice crack, water began spilling out the eyes of the Winters. It always is strange, how quickly the shields and barriers and emptiness we put up fall apart so quickly in a loved one’s embrace. A train horn sounded distantly, and for the first time in years, Caitlyn and Jake Winters felt safe.
This is a nice little micro story which seems very personal. It could be interesting to see Caitlyn’s own experience and how she was treated to deepen the connection as well.
For readability, it’s a good practice to create a new paragraph every time the speaker changes. Don’t be afraid of single sentence paragraphs if there’s a quick back and forth in dialogue. Separating it out like this also gives you a chance to contextualize the lines of dialogue if you choose to, but considering that the theme of the story is about forming a new understanding the quick back and forth supports what you’re doing in this case.