WASHINGTON—Shedding light on the enduring appeal behind assault rifle ownership, a Pew study released Monday revealed that more Americans were buying AR-15s to defend themselves from toddlers who found their guns. “Many Americans stressed that they felt safer knowing they had an AR-15 at the ready in case their toddler stumbled across a shoebox holding a loaded gun on the floor of a closet and started firing away,” said researcher Jonathan Lieu, noting that the majority of AR-15 owners told his team they purchased the lightweight rifle due to their recurring fears about waking in the night to their 2-year-old giggling as they shot bullet holes through the bedroom door. “One response we often heard was that it was a Second Amendment right for gun owners to defend themselves against their own young children. They also stressed that a baseball bat or pepper spray simply wasn’t enough firepower to take down their gun-toting kids.” Lieu added that many Americans also rushed out to purchase tear gas grenades after their children inevitably got their hands on the AR-15s.
- Seraph ( @Seraph@kbin.social ) 27•10 months ago
No one can tell this is The Onion before the last 5 words, and even then your brain has to think twice.
Best headline I’ve seen from them in a while!
- Hofmaimaier ( @EherVielleicht@feddit.de ) English14•10 months ago
I couldn’t tell if satire or not. Seriously I am European…
- Haphazard9479 ( @Haphazard9479@lemm.ee ) English10•10 months ago
I’m American and I can’t tell either.
- Narrrz ( @Narrrz@kbin.social ) 6•10 months ago
better buy an AR-15.
Just to be safe.
- OpenStars ( @OpenStars@kbin.social ) 5•10 months ago
Fwiw, many irl articles started off in the Onion first, before moving over into more mainstream media.
Yup, America is the place where money makes all your fantasies come true! (Sadly, this extends to Putin and his wealth as well, manufacturing nightmares just as readily)
- genoxidedev1 ( @genoxidedev1@kbin.social ) 3•10 months ago
I was recently deciding if I want to put the onion in my RSS feed for daily news consumption
- OpenStars ( @OpenStars@kbin.social ) 3•10 months ago
I can see the tagline now:
The only “honest” source of “news”!
(In my head, only one of those two words are in quotes at any one time, but I dunno, maybe they flip back and forth rapidly like a chemical double bond?:-P)
- genoxidedev1 ( @genoxidedev1@kbin.social ) 3•10 months ago
I mean I
knewexpected it was the onion but I wouldn’t have been surprised either way. Also from Germany by the way- silasmariner ( @silasmariner@programming.dev ) English4•10 months ago
Onion has always been very good at criticism of US gun control laws. Lot of pieces on that
- OmnipotentEntity ( @OmnipotentEntity@beehaw.org ) English7•10 months ago
“No Way To Prevent This,” Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
“No Way To Prevent This,” Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
“No Way To Prevent This,” Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
“No Way To Prevent This,” Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
“No Way To Prevent This,” Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
And literally 20 or more others articles with the same headline. It’s evergreen.
- GreenMario ( @GreenMario@lemm.ee ) English13•10 months ago
The only way to stop a bad toddler with a gun is a good adult with an even bigger gun.
- Hyperreality ( @Hyperreality@kbin.social ) 10•10 months ago
I have always found it a bit bizarre how some Americans will proudly advertise the fact they have loads of very expensive things in their house.
If I had a gun collection, and I live in a rural area with a lot of hunters so I assume plenty of my (European) neighbours do, I’d keep it quiet.
- bermuda ( @bermuda@beehaw.org ) English8•10 months ago
Why doesn’t the adult simply eat the toddler
- WtfEvenIsExistence ( @WtfEvenIsExistence@sopuli.xyz ) English2•10 months ago
Some stupid thing called “Human Rights”…
I just wanna eat my food in peace smh my head 🤦♂️
- Reptorian ( @Reptorian@lemmy.zip ) English3•10 months ago
Is it a bad thing that I thought this was real at first? Yeah, I think it is.
- orbitz ( @orbitz@lemmy.ca ) English3•10 months ago
I thought it was at least plausible from many headlines of the US sites, but I am Canadian so not from there plus it didn’t quite pass the smell test before I knew it was satire…after confirming the source site.
- Yerbouti ( @Yerbouti@lemmy.ml ) English3•10 months ago
How stupid must you be to do that. Everybody knows that an AR-45 takes way too long to reload and can only hold 20 charges. You’re way better with a Beretta 46 pistol or even a Colt. You will shoot much faster and the 19mm bullets can easily penetrate their soft skull. Plus toddlers usually dont aim very well so you should be fine anyway.
- sab ( @sab@kbin.social ) 2•10 months ago
Honestly, just get them with a preemptive strike, the morons don’t even see it coming.
- YurkshireLad ( @YurkshireLad@lemmy.ca ) English2•10 months ago
Surely they also need armed guards.