No big self help lemmy so I had to ask it somewhere else. Alright, I’m an university student but:
- I don’t like too much noise (no parties or bars).
- I only go to university twice per week and it’s far from home.
- I don’t like dating apps.
- Social media imo stresses me out instead of helping me.
- Can’t steal friends of friends: New city, I know no one here.
- I suck abismally at sports. Also I don’t have a sporty profile.
- Board/cardgame shops usually catter to people aged 30 and over as they can actually buy the games.
I’m just, like, out of ideas where to meet people aged 16-26. My best shot so far was in public transport but I’m usually too tired to bother. Been thinking of joining a DnD table or something just to meet people already rofl.
What are your hobbies, go find where people do then together and join in.
If you don’t have many hobbies, try something new that may pique your interest.
Unfortunately most people your age are going to be at parties, university, and sports. You’re limiting your chance of success by removing those options, do it’s going to be hard. You’ll have to put in the work.
I’m no expert, as I’m also a cripplingly lonely adult, but I’d say it’s not “limiting your chances” to avoid hanging around overstimulating situations with people you wouldn’t have been friends with anyway.
Let me rephrase. The chances for friendships for people who enjoy these activities are significantly greater for people who don’t at.
OP could force themselves to attend, and possibly make friends that way, but it’s very likely the friends will want to continue to do those things.
I would also like to remind people that the way you are is not set in stone. You can change if you want to. I used to be an introverted loaner who worked on being extroverted and accomplished it. It’s what I wanted though, I idolized extroverts. This may not apply to OP
I would also like to remind people that the way you are is not set in stone. You can change if you want to. I used to be an introverted loaner who worked on being extroverted and accomplished it. It’s what I wanted though, I idolized extroverts.
Congrats I guess? Most people can’t alter fundamental parts of their personality though. Especially if it’s tied up with their neurological reality. Like, I’m autistic. I’m not going to be able to just will myself into not finding large groups uncomfortable.
Most people can change, and do. Most people can’t prevent it. Change is one of the only constants in life.
You sound like you have extra challenges with autism. If this is something that is negatively affecting your life, I would recommend looking into a counselor or therapist.
Best of luck. To both you and OP.
Most schools used to have bulletin boards. Putmamloking for friends /hobby /gaming friends post up.
Spend more time at university, make a social network, and do what your friends are doing. Universities have whole departments around student life. Creating activities for students. Leverage that.
Make friends with the 30+s at your board game shops. Having a social network is healthy, your not marrying them
Your in NYC, there is a literal uncountable number of things to do there. Don’t try to make perfect friends. Make any friends. Don’t worry about age, focus on shared interest.
I’m not in NYC, kek.
Anyway, the hard part is that I’m not in the USA and universities work very differently, but the practice of students gathering around always happen. Someone suggested joining things thought out for other fields and I think it’s the best idea so far since I don’t really mingle with people who study my subject. But giving the board game shops a fair chance is not a bad idea either. TY!
Absolutely ! For work, I have to keep moving every couple of years, so I’ve learned a few tricks to create a network. The two main rules are: online doesn’t count and something is better than nothing. The first is clear, while the second one is based on the “friends paradox”: on average, your friends have more friends than you have. That means that meeting someone random can help you meet more people, until you gather your own group.
University will still be your best bet. Plan an extra day there for studying then find a study group for one of your subjects. That way you have an easy in to talk to some people. Then simply ask someone to hang out after the study group is done. Existing groups might even invite you.
Depending on where you live, just walking around at night can also work. When I was a young adult we would just hang out outside somewhere. And I still see groups of people hanging out at similar or even the same spots, so the practice didn’t die out.
Common spots are near parks, clubs, or public places in cities. Outside of cities anything with parking spots, so gas stations, mountain tops, train stations. Especially if you are into cars or motorcycles it will be easy to get talking.
Obviously if it’s not safe in your area use your best judgement.
Even if you aren’t sporty, you can still pick one up. Doesn’t matter how old or unfit you are. If you think it’s fun, just join. The amateur scene is usually super welcoming to newcomers because lack of players/members is usually their biggest concern. Especially for more obscure sports. You can even pick something that doesn’t require physical fitness. I haven’t tried it myself but something like disc golfing doesn’t seem like you need to be fit for.
But I too was very out of shape and just picked up surfing in my mid 30s. I fall a lot but no one cares that I am bad. So not being sporty/fit is a bad excuse to not take up a sport.
This is hard since I study CS. It’s a pretty individualistic setting where people usually study by watching videoclasses and doing lone projects. The study group is usually the clique you make on the first month of classes. Ever since my first two cliques dissolved as people dropped out I found myself pretty much stranded alone on academical matters.
I live in Brazil and the night is scary. Parks are dominated by the homeless and addicts. Gas stations are usually inhabited by conservative folk I’m far too queer to mingle with (this entire country but the southeast is basically a red state). No metros here and the bus station is also somewhat of a dangerous place at night.
On sports, school was already a nightmare. Always picked off last, didn’t have reflexes, didn’t even have the strength to throw the ball to score on basketball. Maybe martial arts. They’re usually cool.
Thanks for your reply.