My neighbour (40/m) (“N”) confided that his recently retired father (70/m) (“G”) has started going to the casino twice a day (all day but he comes home for dinner).
G’s losses affect the food they eat (multi generational household).
N doesn’t really know what to do. I’m not so concerned for N, moreso his mother/G’s wife.
It’s not my business but, when I was a kid my boyscout leader committed suicide after gambling away his house so I’m pretty sensitive to this sort of thing. I’d like to help if I can.
Any advice?
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If they suddenly started doing this it can be a sign of dementia. Look out for other signs and consider a conversation with a doctor.
Jesus Christ, is that why you see so many pensioners at casinos? That’s even darker than I thought.
This can be an important issue. Also, if the gambler has Parkinson’s disease and is being treated with dopamine agonists instead of levodopa they need to switch asap.
Talk to N and mother first. Open with your personal concern, and experience - to explain why you care, your good intention, and to give significance/urgency to the issue at hand
Offer your help in supporting them in their efforts. Discuss with them how they see it, the state they’re in, what they can do and influence.
I’d consider two approaches - not one or the other, but chase/asses both.
- Limit access to funds, secure funds for needs
- Help them (G) with their addiction and spending - this is very dependent on their personality, view, openness, and personality + your approach to them. Working together with N and mother is essential
If they don’t want your help, or don’t see any approaches as feasible, accept it as it is and that you can only do so much and not help everyone even if it’s in your capability and interest.
Hang out with them and show a genuine interest in their feelings. See them on a regular basis, like breakfast every Saturday morning.
When they speak, listen fully. Make sure they are seen for who they really are.
Do what you can to help heal the empty spot they’re trying to fill with their addiction, keeping in mind what you can do is limited.
You don’t. I also don’t recommend you marry them… Happily divorced now 🙄
Gotta break the routine, it’s the only way to stop addiction.
You signed me up for the army??
When someone is in a hole, you can give them a ladder, but they have to choose to climb up it.
Two different solutions.
Solution 1 is to get addiction counseling help for G.
Solution 2 is to take away the financial ability G to gamble.
Difficult without more detail.
Does G understand the damage they are doing or are they still in denial?
How much control does G’s wife have over the household finances?
G needs to want help. And an important means of helping is to prevent him having access to most of his cash. If he can be persuaded to sign over control over his bank accounts, or pay his pension into his wife’s account as soon as he receives it, and get a weekly allowance in return, that might help with the impulse control.
But he’d have to want the help. So the first step is getting him to admit that he has a problem.
It may also be worth the family consulting a solicitor. If he’s in danger of gambling away the house, there may be legal steps you can take. Including having the casino bar him (but this may depend on where you are, and how many casinos he has access to).
Thanks, yeah when I spoke to my neighbour I got the impression that they do have something like that set up. But I’ll try to get them to understand the importance of making it difficult to reverse or work around.
