By “party”, I mean a physical social gathering of people for the purposes of having fun. It may be used in a sentence as “I am throwing a party!” or “Let’s party!”.
Basically what I am trying to say is the default “party”.
I’ve never been to any, and I have no idea how people spend their time on parties, so I am curious how you did.
Since I didn’t see any responses that directly answered the question of what do you DO, I’ve prepared a short guide for a generic social gathering. This guide may be inappropriate in some contexts such as a dinner party or event/tv show watching party, etcetera:
- Show up
- Not at the exact start time, but at a minimum of 15-20 minutes “late”
- Bringing an unopened bottle of wine or a 6-pack of beer, or another drink of choice is almost always a classy move.
- If you drove, don’t park like an asshole. Consider the neighbors.
- If you’re standing on the doorstep and you can hear music, it’s probably safe to just walk in (make sure you’re at the right place!). Otherwise, knock/ring doorbell.
- Party!
- Get yourself a drink and/or a plate of food if snacks are out
- Find friends and say hi! You should probably know at least one other person. How else would you have been invited?
- Explore! Hosts expect people in their house so it’s generally okay to look around, admire artwork, investigate the music, go into the backyard, etc. Don’t go anywhere that’s obviously closed off, unlit, or otherwise not a party locale.
- Talk and socialize. Meet new people! Ask your friend(s) to introduce you to their friend(s). Lightly eavesdrop on convos for something interesting you can talk about. Listen in general. Ask people what they like to do. Share stories about yourself! Pro tip: the length of your stories should be proportional to how well you know the person you’re telling it to. Just met the person? Suuuuper short stories. “No way! That reminds me of the time my cat was in the bathroom when she got hit by a car! The vet said she was very lucky to have a good friend!” (Confession: I used autocomplete to write that story)
- Dance!
- Find the host and complement their place, the party, the music, food, whatever. Just be nice. Offer to help if they look at all stressed.
- Play party games like beer pong or whatever.
- Leave! Say thanks. Take your stuff. Cleanup whatever plates/glasses you’ve used. Don’t drive drunk. Don’t overstay your welcome.
This was probably too much info. I have insomnia. I hope someone reads this.
God, that sounds miserable. Good to know my neurodivergent ass wasn’t missing anything.
I mean, it doesn’t sound fun written out in bullets but parties are usually a great time for my own socially anxious neurodivergent ass lol. That said, besides work events, I haven’t gone to a party where I don’t already know most of the people in years. Jumping alone into a convo of strangers is my hell.
At the “talk and socialize” bullet, I was imagining sidling up to some group I don’t know, eavesdropping on their conversation, and standing there like a creep trying to figure out the best time to say anything relevant to contribute, but failing and standing awkwardly in silence until I just walk away.
I’ll stay home, thanks.
Haha, I can definitely understand this feeling. It can be difficult to overcome! It doesn’t always “work”, and sometimes you will just stand there awkwardly. The good news is that nobody is going to care or remember. Seriously. You’re basically an NPC to people you don’t know. I’ve been to hundreds of parties in my life and have zero tangible memories of other people’s “awkward proximity”. Nobody cares about you as much as you do, which is slightly sad but majorly liberating.
Yeah same. I never know how to integrate into an existing group
Make a new group consisting of you plus the members of the existing group.
The part where you screw up is seeing yourself as a creep.
I understand others have probably said that to you enough times you just internalized it but you gotta stop believing people when they tear you down.
You’re not the first one saying a person should arrive late. Why is this a thing? Is it just a cultural norm in the West? Or is it a thing everywhere?
Not late late, just late enough that the host has had time to make sure everything is in order, or just to not be the first guest to show up.
Usually a party lasts at least a few hours, so showing up 30 minutes after the start of the party isn’t “being late,” it’s just showing up to a party in progress. Unless it’s a specifically scheduled “arrive at 8pm” kind of affair, in which case the host would mention it and you’d be expected to be there at that time.
I’d add it also depends on your familiarity with the host. Most hosts don’t appreciate if the first guest is a friend of a friend or distant coworker that they feel obliged to entertain while still busy with final preparations. Whereas if you’re a good friend, they can (often) feel more comfortable saying yeah make yourself at home I’ve got last minute things to do.
I imagine it’s an even looser norm in places outside the west, considering the west tends to view time/punctuality as more “concrete” than some others. For some of my friends born outside the west, if we tell them the actual start time of an event we shouldn’t expect them any sooner than an hour after that lol.
- java ( @java@beehaw.org ) 1•8 months ago
Damn that sounds exhausting.
The reason I like lemmy, and reddit before, is that it feels like a cocktail party. You wander into a conversation already in progress, listen awhile, maybe say something, maybe make a new human connection.
I fart and leave.
- shiveyarbles ( @shiveyarbles@beehaw.org ) 29•8 months ago
Is that you, Zuckerberg?
You basically hide in the kitchen with the other kitchen hiding people until the party ends, particularly when someone in the living room picks up an acoustic guitar.
We need to ban the acoustic guitar players from parties. They’re vibe killers and they don’t even realize it.
Who actually wants to sit around in a silent group to watch some guy or girl sing a slow acoustic cover of Bruce Springsteen?
I love guitars at parties. You don’t play with the intention of being the focus of everyone’s attention, but rather to provide some background music to fit the mood of the ongoing conversation around you.
I have so much respect for musicians who can play in the background
If getting drunk around a campfire counts as a party, that ban needs an exception. If the bluetooth speakers are dead at 2am, someone pulling out a guitar is the best thing that can happen.
The silence is the issue. I usually hum or sing along or give song recommendations.
(My friends are disproportionately likely to be musicians.)
This is what you do when you’re invited to a party where you either just know the host or are a +1.
It’s a social gathering. Of a specific group of people. The difference between a party, and a group lunch, is basically the time frames, and a more curated group of people tend to go to a party. Whereas a lunch tends to be who’s available.
Parties tend to be some celebration, which is a human social norm, but really the reason for the party is less important than the social interaction. Humans need periodic social contact to maintain relationships, and parties are a good avenue for that.
There’s a whole spectrum of parties, there’s dance parties, there’s drug parties, there’s alcohol parties, there’s board game parties, there’s beer parties, there’s dinner parties, there’s anything. Any form of human social engagement could be a party.
Just think of parties as a way to maintain your social standing, and refresh relationship status, with a group of related people at once. So it’s very efficient in that regard.
You can either walk around and talk to people (most people are receptive to being spoken to) or nervously hold your drink in hand, as you wait for someone to approach you.
Personally I prefer the former. If I’m by myself I just look for someone who seems nervous and uncomfortable. I’m friendly, and as long as I’m in a good mood I tend to make people feel comfortable around me- but I have had times where I just stand there. Standing and waiting is highly unpleasant. Better to hide in the bathroom if that’s what you’ll be doing instead of chatting. Highly recommend chatting or “mingling”
(If someone is lame, boring or seems uninterested, just approach someone else. Most groups will also make a space for you if you approach them in the event that there are no loners)
This part is hard but you need to push yourself through it. The worst thing that can happen is that no conversation develops and you have to do it again.
Another favorite of mine is walking around to see what different groups are talking about. If there’s a topic that you know about, just ask them if that’s indeed the topic of the conversation and if it is, you just joined.
It starts by inviting your core friend group over an hour early for pre drinks. You and your friends drink and put some music on and as people arrive you integrate them into whatever you’re doing. As more people arrive and everyone gets drunk people break off and chat, dance, play games
If you’ve ever been to a festival or fair, think of it as a miniature version of that. It’s mostly just a hangout for people to do fun things they wouldn’t do everyday, since they feel the day is exceptional.
Drink, get hit on by girls that want to know why I’m so quiet.
I think stay home and get drunk by yourself. It’s the only way to guarantee you won’t say something slightly embarrassing and then dwell on it for the next week
Most of the parties I go to are typically just chatting and drinking/smoking. Good way to meet new people that likely have similar interests to you, since everybody there already has at least one common connection, usually. Activities will depend on the friend group. Some of my get-togethers will have a light-hearted board game, sometimes everyone will watch a movie and riff on it MST3K-style, sometimes we’ll just get high and bitch to each other about work.
Personally, I don’t really go to parties where there’s music or dancing, since that’s not really my scene. But sometimes the mood will just be right and someone may crank up some tunes and start moving.
It really varies depending on your personal circles. If you’re invited and feeling anxious about it, just go with no expectations. Just show up, hang out, chat a bit, and feel things out. If you decide you don’t like it, you can always just leave, and usually nobody’s gonna care.
Most just talk to people
Some great responses but not one (yet) mentioning attempts to hook up in some way? For me that was the whole point of going. To either play with some pussy that night or set something up for the future.
Edit: Being downvoted for chasing tail at parties? I must be getting old because I do not understand the younger generations at all.
Look at my watch and wonder when it’s socially acceptable to leave.
People say “party” but really it is an awkward conversation generator. Unpleasant.
I get bored easily, so I bring instruments and play along with the music or the other musicians. Or, increasingly, I am the music.
I also bring my spindle, or my sewing. Or I stand around the kitchen helping with the food. Find a thing you do well, whether it is barbecuing skewers on the hotplate or pouring drinks, and then it will be a thing to do with your hands making for less awkward. Be helpful. And don’t get too drunk because drunk people aren’t as awesome as they think they are.