I’d be Cables Don’t Tangle Man.

  • The crow whisperer.

    A while back my shed suddenly was demolished spontaneously. So I’m running around in full makeup trying to get all the gardening stuff out to put it in my place.

    There were some shockingly large spiders there. I’m talking the largest that I’ve ever seen irl outside a zoo.

    Doesn’t matter, eggs and all are going inside.

    So the other day I woke up and I saw one of those babies right above my head on the wall. I’m like I better get rid of this thing before I give it a name. Scurries off under my bed.

    I imagine it’s still there but I’ve made my peace with it.

    And as for mice. Honestly I’d build them a little home and give them little sandwiches. In fact I have made little sandwiches for them. The issue is just that they make my kitchen dirty.