So I had a situation at work where the project lead refused to communicate with me, and instead went to my boss about everything. I thought it was me, but my (male) boss suggested it might be misogyny. (My work is male dominated. I’m the only female lead of my role in the company.)
I occasionally run into situations where someone, man or woman, not only dislikes me but does everything they can to destroy me. I figure I’m just offputting, but I’ve had unrelated comments from others that it is because I’m direct and opinionated, and not afraid to defend my opinion.
I’m having a hard time mentally processing the opposing concepts that I’m a bad person, and that is why I make this kind of enemy, and that there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s their problem.
For the record, I have all kinds of self- deprecating behaviors to try to soften my opinions, and they generally work. Just sometimes, there is no way for me to have a perspective and not be offensive to someone.
I’d welcome your experiences and thoughts, if any.
So true! I have a lot of anxiety about keeping my job. I was laid off twice in one year (first for not folding on my desired career path, second for a company acquisition) shortly after having my second baby and going through a divorce from an abuser, so I don’t deal well with work conflict any more. I’m the only earner in the house, and I’m not sure I’m mentally well enough to handle another “layoff.” So I’m in the folding mode, but it’s hurting my already fragile mental health.
The self-deprecating tools are things like helping someone else come up with my idea so it doesn’t come from me, making it clear that I’m just advising, asking leading questions, small talk, etc. I know they aren’t great, but it’s hard to let go of things that have protected you. I’m way too blunt for my own good, naturally. I’m looking into the possibility that I am autistic, after that possibility was raised.
Yeah, I’m autistic too. Self-deprecating tools helped kids who felt intimidated by you on the school ground back off. Professionally? Eh. How much trust would you have in someone who always tell you how much they don’t trust themselves? Think about when you encounter it in the wild and how off putting it can be.
Sometimes it reads as “are they fishing for validation?” too. you always gotta be careful of that!