My starting point this time around has been YouTube. Web search is a crapshoot these days, so I was hoping to find videos that are neither infantilizing nor a bullet-point list of “you might be autistic if” (and I specified midlife diagnosis, yielding results about kids and teens), but sourced so I can do further reading.

First complaint: Cut the fucking new-age “soothing” music and talk to me like I’m a functioning adult, instead of using diagrams a competent 5-year-old can understand. The last thing I need is to be patronized while trying to expand my understanding.

Second complaint: Making things a circular package deal (if you do X, you must also do Y and Z [already false], which explains why you do X [that’s handled with RAA]).

Third complaint: Excessive use of domain-specific terminology (e.g., “stimming,” “soothing”) instead of plain English. That’s fine for a seminar, but all it does for me is hit me over the head that these are terms I should use and cherish. Fuck that.

Fourth complaint: Assuming I can’t possibly be anything other than a complete mess (basically a combo of the first and second) if multiple people (most recently this weekend) have independently told me I’m clearly on the spectrum (all in the burner scene/commune members, but at different times – apparently, neurodivergence is wildly overrepresented in the circles I now run in).

I don’t need to be told I’m not broken. I’ve been surviving for 47 years with minor excursions, I’ve been married twice and had a career for two decades, and I don’t have a particular issue making friends if someone specific seems interesting. Do I have a strong distrust for authority and systems I don’t have direct control over? Sure. But no small part of that is decades of life experience with systems and authority failing to uphold their end of the bargain (“work hard, and you’ll get ahead”) while I’m nonetheless expected to expend time and money for no discernible benefit.

What I’m looking for is an overview geared toward the curious, not some sort of cheerleader who thinks I can’t use my words.

Just to be abundantly clear, I’m soliciting links to resources that would avoid these issues.

  • TehPers ( TehPers@beehaw.org ) English
    2·
    10 hours ago

    So if I don’t? I’m not being understanding or welcoming; I am the enemy.

    I don’t know who said this to you, but I don’t think it was anyone in this thread, was it? You can use whatever terms you want. It just happens that “stimming” exactly describes the behavior.

    Do I have repetitive habits? A few … if I’m packing cigarettes, it’s 9 or 13 times. Not for any reason, just muscle memory; not a compulsion. I’m pretty sure just about anyone has done something while waiting, annoyed or bored like twirling a pencil or tapping a foot. I still rub the ears of my stuffed Snoopy while falling asleep, and sometimes subconsciously during the day.

    This wouldn’t be stimming, then. Stimming is more of a compulsion than just repetition. It helps someone feel more comfortable, especially when feeling sensory overload. A common type of stim I’ve seen is “shaking maracas” (as we call it, or shaking your hands). This isn’t a typical habit, but rather a necessity to relieve discomfort or anxiety.

    Because apparently I’m the first adult to have it pointed out that I’m neurodivergent.

    I’m confused by this. For what it’s worth, I was diagnosed literally last month, and I’m an adult. I was pointing out that a lot of autism material is directed toward working with and diagnosing children because diagnosis of adults is a much more recent thing.

    I can’t speak for the videos themselves because I don’t know what videos you were watching. If they were toxic or unhelpful, then try some other resources. It’s not supposed to be some fancy “club” or in-group or whatever. If someone’s acting like it is, then they’re not worth your time to listen to.