My irritation is this seeming excitement ready to call that all “stimming” and wanting to talk about how they “stim.” It’s reductionist and brings a whole bunch of ordinary behaviour under the umbrella of an in-group term. Not a great look for those of us who aren’t like that – and it makes the visible face look pretty fucking juvenile.

I’m just going to be blunt: these videos aren’t for you. Just stop watching them, there are more clinical options if that’s your preference.

Late diagnosis is such a fucking trip. I’m still going through the processing of the professional diagnosis one year later, and currently I’m watching my husband going through the ADHD-meds-unleashed-the-autism like 3 years after I went through it. Two anecdotes make a trend, right? So I’m going to do some projecting.

No one ever really told me I was weird, at least not in a way I understood. (My therapist laughed when I said I wasn’t bullied, if that’s any context). I always knew I was weird, but I had no idea how much about myself I had changed to fit in. I still haven’t really read my full diagnosis report but imagine being told, in medical documentation, that you sit weird. At 40.

Like you, I’m pretty text book successful. I’m married, I have a successful professional career, I’ve written text book chapters in my field (no, it’s not paid lol), etc. If no one has clued me in on my weird sitting, what the fuck else did I miss? Am I actually horrible and no one has lost their temper yet so their hints are too subtle for me to pick up on?

So I start the stages of grief. I’m probably in bargaining or depression rn. Denial was hard because I truly hate being autistic. I don’t hate my autistic traits, I hate that it’s pathologized.

Unmasking all the things I didn’t know I was masking fucking sucks. I don’t have the terminology to explain to people. People make a lot of assumptions and I’m too exhausted to try and set the record straight.

Whether you believe that I’m full of shit about the journey of exploring autism as an older person or not, I do want to point out that some people, especially current or recent youths, remember being pressured (directly) to hide their autistic traits. These videos are to help undo the learned shame and signal that it is safe to be themselves and to encourage people to be themselves.

When I say it’s not about you I mean that very literally. They aren’t saying you don’t belong. They are trying to create an environment where these things are normalized so people who do have been shamed and excluded for their “normal” behavior can just exist in peace for a few minutes.

“Autism is a spectrum” isn’t necessarily about severity, but also in expression. Sensory sensitivity is pretty well known, low sensory environments exist in some public places. But sensory seeking is also a thing! I’m more on that side for example.

Anyways, don’t over think it. Find content that is easier to use and move on. Good luck.

Everyone has trouble doing a thing sometimes.

That event is vastly more frequent for people with ADHD.

Everyone taps a foot or twirls a pencil sometimes. People with autism tend to do so far more often, and in many cases it is relevant to their mental health.

If something doesn’t apply to you, it doesn’t apply, there’s no call to be this upset about it.

So if I don’t? I’m not being understanding or welcoming; I am the enemy.

I don’t know who said this to you, but I don’t think it was anyone in this thread, was it? You can use whatever terms you want. It just happens that “stimming” exactly describes the behavior.

Do I have repetitive habits? A few … if I’m packing cigarettes, it’s 9 or 13 times. Not for any reason, just muscle memory; not a compulsion. I’m pretty sure just about anyone has done something while waiting, annoyed or bored like twirling a pencil or tapping a foot. I still rub the ears of my stuffed Snoopy while falling asleep, and sometimes subconsciously during the day.

This wouldn’t be stimming, then. Stimming is more of a compulsion than just repetition. It helps someone feel more comfortable, especially when feeling sensory overload. A common type of stim I’ve seen is “shaking maracas” (as we call it, or shaking your hands). This isn’t a typical habit, but rather a necessity to relieve discomfort or anxiety.

Because apparently I’m the first adult to have it pointed out that I’m neurodivergent.

I’m confused by this. For what it’s worth, I was diagnosed literally last month, and I’m an adult. I was pointing out that a lot of autism material is directed toward working with and diagnosing children because diagnosis of adults is a much more recent thing.

I can’t speak for the videos themselves because I don’t know what videos you were watching. If they were toxic or unhelpful, then try some other resources. It’s not supposed to be some fancy “club” or in-group or whatever. If someone’s acting like it is, then they’re not worth your time to listen to.