I have simultaneously merged with my desk. My bowels have been displaced and are now bisected with bamboo. I feel simultaneously ripped apart and yet stuck and solid. Every point of my being is as though it has been engulfed in flames. My existence and identity has now become insufferable pain. I feel an impending sense of doom at a foreign body now lodged inside of me.
There are no wounds for me to bleed from and I cannot gasp for air to scream. My spinal cord has been severed and I feel hot prickles on my cheeks and my ears feel as though they are being stuffed with cotton. An internal white hot pressure feeling erupts up my now-fractured spine until it reaches the back of my head and radiates towards my forehead. My peripheral vision looks like static and everything appears to shake. I am unable to make sense of anything and everything goes dark and still.
U killed me op wow
me too, thanks for writing this so i didn’t have to
I’m now having an uncomfortable moment with the airline passenger in seat 26A.
I am now sitting in the chair next to me. This is mildly inconvenient.
I’ve now telefragged my colleague.
Still counts!
I’m now in the lap of the guy in the stall next to me.
“Well hello there, come here often? Let me get that for you…”
I telefrag the guy sitting next to me on the train
I’m shitting in the shower.
I’m shitting inside my vanity but also have the vanity inside me so I’m pretty sure I’m dead.
10 minutes ago I’d have been rolling on the freeway at 69mph. So dead either way I guess.
Don’t know, I don’t know how much two feet is.
2/3 meter
Does the cat on my tummy come with me? If not Cheddar says that this expirement violates the cat sitting treaty of 1669
We only made that damn treaty because they promised to chase off the rats during the last bout of the Plague. We’ve had it twice more since then, lazy furballs.
Fall out of my chair, but otherwise unaffected as I end up on the floor.
I’m standing in a box. I am now a cat.
I’m suddenly on the outside of a bus on the motorway. Probably dead or at least badly injured.
Well now I’m sitting in a different chair. And I don’t like that chair as much. 😡
Thanks, I’m now pooping in the shower …
Waffle stomp!
Nooo I didn’t need to know this 😂
Still sitting on my couch
Right side couch gang rise up
On contemplation of the left side of the couch, I would be entangled in two pissed off cats willing to use their claws on me for the crime of sitting on them.
Nah man. My couch is comfortable. I ain’t get’n up. I raised a fist in solidarity though.
