Title.
Being sexually assaulted. I feel like in terms of things that are top tier awful experiences I would probably rank any unwanted sexual experience worse than pain or death.
I’ve been manipulated by people. I was of age though and kind of too depressed to care because I live in a shitty small town. My sexual manipulation wasn’t as bad as some other stuff people go through though. I’ve been manipulated hard in a non sexual way. So many kids go through shit some adult literally can’t even fathom. It’s sick. Even as an adult people don’t get it.
I remember an older guy that weighed probably 250 laying on top of me doing stuff and I couldn’t move. He shoved poppers in my face. I was so depressed and dead feeling back then I didn’t care. I felt like I was in a movie. looking back that person obvious would get me liquored up and have his way. It hurts to know someone would actually act like that in real life. On the other side of things… No regular people in my life gave me a minute. No one cared for me. It’s fucked to think that same guy did more for me than regular friends or family. Everyone else would have just sat back and watched me and egg me on to kms. Because everyone else I knew were just naive, entitled, and privileged.
That is terrible to read, I hope you are doing better now though
I’ll just go with a tame one (Edit: I have a lot to pick from and most are really hard to put into text due to the trauma)
My firsthand experience with police brutality
For context I was 15 at the time and still in highschool
When I was homeless I slept on some benches in my hometown and one night I slept on the bench behind the local library because it was one of the few that was covered and it was raining that day.
I was woken up by being tazed by a police officer.
He was screaming and I couldn’t do a damn thing because I was getting tazed.
After finally falling off the bench he stopped but was screaming that he could kill me and leave my body in the woods (the town is basically right on the border of a national forest) and no one would find me.
He was screaming that if I didn’t leave he would.
I took off like a bat out of hell.
He followed me with his car from a distance for a while before finally taking off in a different direction. When he took off I stopped walking down the streets and made my way to my school through less conventional means and slept there that night under one of the buildings.
Edit 2: For anyone curious, I was homeless for 8 years. I’ve got a nice place now and I’m back on my feet.
That’s awful. I’ve seen some cops tuck their tails. It’s just a paycheck for them or even worse a power trip like you’re case.
Are you American?
Yup, I’m American
Small Town cops are a special kind of power tripping bastard
Basically think of an area that is really red already and then the people who are those people’s bullies become cops
I met a homeless guy once and we talked. He told me about a time when at the train station there was someone laying on the ground, in the winter, nearly dying in front of a Cash Terminal.
People just stepped over him and were annoyed, while that person nearly died. He told me they had surveillance footage though and many of them where sued for denial of assistance.
The same guy had a huge fresh wound in his face. He was at the train station seeing 4 people attacking a single person. He went to them to see what was going on, had a weird feeling and turned around, someone smashed him in the head.
That was 4:00 in the morning, in the Winter at about 4°C. He woke up at 10:00, nobody helped him, and he nearly died.
He went to the hospital on his own to get stitches. A paramedic gave him his reflecting orange jacket, so that nobody would ever overlook him again…
Also told me how people would shit and piss directly next to where he had to sleep.
Nobody deserves to be homeless. This is so fucking sick.
Most likely society’s response to the time I was sexually harrassed.
Like it wasn’t straight up rape, but I got touched in bad places and boundaries disrespected. I was 16, the girl doing it to me was 16 too. To this day I have no idea if she was into me or if she just got off on how I’d completely bluescreen whenever she did it as a powertrip.
So anyway, being a teenager and certified “good kid”, I didn’t fight about it, I just knew I hated it. So I went to the adults in my school for guidance… And got laughed out of the principal’s office. Because “I was a boy, of course I liked it and I had only gone to the principal as a way to humblebrag”.
Got a similar reaction from the other teen boys.
So anyway it took me 10 full years to even start opening myself back up to human touch in general, as I spent that decade terrified of human touch in general.
I’m sorry
Lived through and ethnic cleansing genocide. I always laugh when western keyboard warriors start talking about how war is “needed” or “coming” and larping out their movie fantasies. Real war is nothing like TV. Its hell all around. There are no victors in war. Everyone loses.
War is sometimes needed; it’s a necessary response to aggression. The genocides in Bosnia? Without a war, they would have murdered all the Croats. One of my teachers in school was a survivor of the Bosnian war, and her family absolutely would have been killed had they not gotten out. Without the Allied forces waging war against the Axis, Jews in Europe would have been completely eliminated.
The option to war is to curl up and hope that you can survive the bear mauling you.
War is never needed though, is my point. Yes unprompted aggression deserves a response (I’d never advocate for just laying down and taking the fascist boot), but war itself only produces destruction, broken homes, and broken families.
My comment was more about those who have not been through an actual war but romanticise it. There is nothing romantic about it.
I think you’re missing their point a bit
True true. Even though I do express my feelings like that sometimes. It’s more expression that should be transfered to art.
Public school. Everyone hated me, I never made any close friends, I was almost killed by my classmates more than once. One time I was pushed down the stairs another time I was shoved in front of an oncoming bus. I’ve become permanently depressed and have deep trust problems because of it. Years later when I was holding someone I loved in my arms as we fell asleep watching something together I realized that I felt happy for the first time in my life. Before then I had felt amused, vindicated, or excited but never happy. It’s such a strange thing to realize that you’ve never been happy once in your entire life and had just never realized because you had no way to know what you were missing.
I relate to your feelings. In my twenties I took a small dose of mushrooms and had that same epiphany. It actually lasted for a few years and I was hopeful but then people still fucked with me. Now I’m back to being numb constantly. I hate when there’s a school shooting or some kid whyling out and society actually has to ask why? Society creates the people it hates.
Attending the funeral of a family member every single year multiple times until I was about 18 … and then sporadically on a regular basis since then.
I’m Indigenous Canadian and I grew up in a small community and from the time I was a baby, I attended a funeral of someone I knew at least once a year and usually two or three times a year until I left home.
At first as a kid, it was weird … then as I grew older it was disturbing because every time I saw a dead body, I realized … some day that’s going to be me, my life will end and I’ll no longer be here. At about eight years of age, it was quite an existential crisis because it scared the shit out of me for about a year. After that, it became terrible to attend funerals, then sad, then felt like nothing … I could no longer feel sad, afraid or anything … I no longer really cared and became apathetic to it all.
I now accept death … I hate it, I don’t like it but I accept it but it took seeing a lot of dead bodies for me to get to this point.
I haven’t been to as many funerals as you have, but several course family members have died.
I hate funerals.
The best funeral I’ve ever been to wasn’t a funeral. Instead, the family got together at the daughter’s house and just visited for a few days. Then next spring, on what would have been their birthday, everyone gathered to memorialize them, and spread their ashes.
That was a much nicer way of handling it, in my opinion.
Kidney stones. Supposedly mine were tiny but it felt like hot nails being dragged across my skin. I was in pain for hours until the doctor gave me some pills so I could relax and piss out the stone (grain of sand). It was such a relief.
The largest I’ve passed was about 4mm. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever felt, and it took weeks to work its way through, even with the Flomax. Crying, moaning, writhing on the bed in pain, pissing blood. Malicious looking little thing. Looked like the ball on the end of a morning star. I passed two of those at once one time.
One tiny stone had me calling an ambulance. I thought my appendix had burst or something. I passed it later that day, and I almost missed it it was so small. Evil little bastards.
Aww yeah, kidney stones suck. I’m glad I could mitigate them by becoming vegetarian and consuming less salt. Doesn’t work for everyone though. Which kind of stones did you have?
I’m 62 so this happened a long time ago. My mom didn’t like novacaine so she found a dentist who didn’t use it (I found that out later as an adult). For whatever reason I had 15 cavities one year. I couldn’t stand it but somehow I got to the last day of many and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t willingly open my mouth for that pain, I just couldn’t.
The dentist took that hooky little metal instrument dentist’s have, held it near my cheek, and said, “If you don’t open your mouth, I’m going to go in RIGHT. THROUGH. HERE.” Those last three words were punctuated by him poking my cheek with that little hooky instrument; once for each word.
I opened my mouth in the worst fear and feeling of abandonment I’ve ever felt. I now need nitrous and my wife holding my hand to get through a cleaning. Dr. Fryer. A sadist.
People don’t understand how much they break people sometimes. I’m sure I’ve done it too without realizing. I wish there was a way past it but I guess it’s just life.
Going with my father to figure out how we would clean up the bathroom my grandfather attempted suicide in as I didn’t think it was something he should do on his own (it was my maternal grandfather but still…). I was right. It made every horror movie look tame. However, it was so terrible that there wasn’t much we could do other than phone crime scene cleanup and stay out of their way while they earned every single penny of their fee.
Did some volunteering at some old folks homes and a hospice.
The hospice had people who were literally trapped in their own bodies. Bedridden and unable to move their arms, legs or even speak. They communicated yes/no by monotone grunting(two for yes, one for no.
Person was fully conscious and aware. Just unable to act on the outside world.
That’s so horrifying. People who oppose euthanasia are sadists, extremely stupid, or both.
This thread really makes me appreciate how good I have it…
I survived a drug induced coma and since then my brain just misses a lot of cells. I once had a pretty high IQ and nowadays I can be happy I remembered to take my pills in the morning. The most I can do is a low level sysadmin job, for everything else I basically lack the brains.
It’s not really something I have experienced in a past tense, I experience this shit every single day. Hate to be ridiculed for my bad memory especially. My coworkers don’t know that and regularly make fun of me.
Oh man, that sounds terrible. It’s one thing to be at that intelligence, but to know you used to be smarter and just ain’t anymore sounds horrifying. Can I ask is it a memory thing or do you legit feel less intelligent?
I don’t only feel less intelligent, I am less intelligent. My IQ dropped about 20%, which is noticeable by everyone including me.
The most annoying thing is that it feels like my brain is underclocked. Some Ritalin helped for a while with that but I had to stop taking it because of the risk for sudden death in conjunction with my other meds and conditions, which is something I wouldn’t like to experience.
However even with enhancing drugs I still am not the 80% which my IQ test says, I feel more like half of what I used to be. It’s really detrimental to self worth knowing that I used to be smart and now I’m “just average” even though years of therapy told me it’s OK to be average.
I can imagine! It’s like an athlete getting lame. They can still function but not at the level they’re used to. Others might not be able to understand this loss as they see them just being on their level
It’s like an athlete getting lame.
Oh wow, that’s a pretty cool analogy. Stealing that :D
Others might not be able to understand this loss as they see them just being on their level
They even sometimes tell me how smart I am and that… triggers me even more. Bitch, I’m dumb, if you think that’s smart you really offend me. Deep down I know that they mean well and think they’re giving me a compliment, but it still stings.
Depression and gender dysphoria. It’s not very dramatic nor fast-acting, it just ate away at me for a decade until I was sure I wasn’t gonna survive the next few years.
The fear of death doesn’t go away, it just starts to seem like the least terrible option. And it’s one thing when you get those impulses to do it, but it’s even scarier when you feel calm and levelheaded and still feel you should do it.
It is a dramatic thing. Growing up gay in the 2000s in a small narrow minded town basically broke me and my essence. It’s an undeserving hell built by ignorant people.
Good luck with life. Hopefully things get better with society.
I started HRT recently and it feels life changing.
I’m trans, so, that’s one thing
More recently, I suffered from some pretty severe sleep deprivation as a result of a bout of insomnia. Hallucinations, micro-blackouts, the world stopped operating in a way I could understand properly. I would never, ever wish that upon my worst enemy and I hope I never experience it again.
Insomnia sucks. I’m glad it got better for you.