This has happened to me a few times. One I remember was the game Alchemist, where I just sat there confused as hell for 4 and a half hours while three guys were all talking about strategies. Tonight it was Terraforming Mars, where I was told it would be a 3 hour game, but by hour 4 we were halfway done. This time I said “it’s 11pm, I have work in the morning, this will be my last hand” and the host got very passive aggressive with me. I just don’t know what to do in these situations.
^Also is there a word for this? My girlfriend said I was “held game hostage” but I don’t see that used in my searches.^
Update: I sent an apology for leaving early, and he wasn’t too frustrated about it and understood my frustration which was nice. I told him I didn’t think it was my cup of tea since it was so dense, but he kept trying to sell me on the game.
I just gotta learn how to decline with this guy, he is a bit of a “won’t take no for an answer” person, but I’m still learning to be firm with boundaries.
I’m really a 45 minute or less person, and prefer games with like… 5 rules. I have communicated that before, but he really wants me to play the games he loves which I take as a compliment.
He did have me playing Dominion for a while, and that was a time when I just would suck it up and play for his sake since he was going through a divorce. We literally had the parks and rec sketch where I said “I don’t really like Dominion” and he said “what do you mean? You’ve played all the games!”
He housed me when I was homeless, so it’s hard for me to decline things with him since he showed me that huge kindness.
Just slap your knee and say,” welp, it’s getting late”
Most German response ever.
I guess Germans and US Midwesterners have more in common than I thought!
If you look at ethnic ancestry maps, you’ll see there is a lot of German ancestry in the midwest.
Now that you mention it, that makes a lot of sense (part of my family is German ancestry). It had just never occurred to me that this particular social phenomenon was German-based because it’s such a common midwestern thing!
Ich glaube, um sich dafür zu qualifizieren müsste die Aussage auch auf deutsch sein.
Oh damn, alright Neuromancer, we’ll see you next time!
Open and honest communication. Just say that you’re not interested in the game.
If the host gets passive-aggressive you could try to talk civilised about that. In case they don’t show the necessary understanding or are difficult to talk to, they might not be the kind of acquaintance you would like to keep.
To clarify, say that BEFORE starting the game. If we’re 3 hours into a 4 hour game and you bail because you’re not interested, depending on how it affects the game lots of people would get pretty pissy.
Had the exact opposite happen once — playing Risk with a group of friends, one guy ends up completely dominating the board. Almost everyone is out, just him and one other person left.
Everyone wants to either start a new game or go to a pub, but he still hasn’t won. We ask him several times if he’s accomplished his goal yet; he hasn’t.
He drags the game out by an additional 3 hours, and finally wins. Turns out he had won some 4 hours earlier, and “forgot” or “misunderstood” his objective. In reality, assholes just wanted to try to take over the whole world, and thought we wouldn’t insist on seeing the objective card afterwards.
We banned him from participating in any and all games. For life. This was some 25 years ago. I haven’t seen him for 10+ years, but to the best of my knowledge, nobody from that particular friend group (around 12 people) ever let him participate in any games again.
Terraforming Mars is such a slog even when you know what you’re doing.
Honestly it sounds like you need to communicate expectations ahead of time, and just make it clear you’ll leave after X time regardless, that’s not an unreasonable request. I don’t think you did anything wrong in your example.
The game is mechanically much better when the card drafting rule is used, but that easily adds another hour of playtime, which is why I never bother with it.
I am the person that loves long and complex games. If I have an upper limit for those qualities I have not found it yet, because it must be higher than those of all the players I’ve met.
So, I can’t really answer your question, but I think I can tell you why the rest of the table was pissed off, and maybe that will help you in some way.
You like a certain type of game, but it’s somewhat outside the mainstream, so it’s difficult to find a full group for it and gather them all at the table at the same time. You get excited, you finally get to play the game you have been itching for. You’re really having fun. Your strategy starts paying off. And then you don’t get to see it to completion because one person gets up and leaves. It might be weeks or months before you get another chance. You got your hopes up and then got left hanging. That sucks.
A similar situation is if you talked somebody into a game who didn’t want to play at first and just end up doing you a favor. In my experience, 9 times out of 10 they’re not going to have a good time, and they’ll drag the rest of the table down with them.
But here’s the kicker: After some painful lessons I know those things now. So I don’t nag people about playing with me anymore. I ask once, and then a no is a no. And I don’t invite people who I know have a short attention span to play long games with me. And I sure as hell don’t schedule a game night on a weekday where everybody needs to work tomorrow.
The person putting together the table has a responsibility to curate games that fit the audience or vice versa. Everybody else attending has a responsibility to be transparent about their availability and preferences.
I wouldn’t call “I need to go home because it’s 11PM and I work tomorrow” a “short attention span”. The fact that you’re characterizing it as such is … problematic.
I’m not. You are making that connection.
The sentence right after that one applies better to OP.
Take your phone out, look at it, get a slightly concerned look on your face that quickly turns to fear, run out the room yelling “No No No NO No No No No No they’re not meant to be here this soon”, destroy your phone and start a fresh new life.
I played TF Mars many times and never took that long. Actually I found it to be in my sweet spot of complexity and time. But max 4 people.
But I totally get you. I have this friend who has a very peculiar way of explaining games. He explains the strategy instead of the lore and mechanics. I need to understand the mechanics first not the strategy. And he easily takes 1 hour to explain a game like Mars…
Yeah… To be frank he just talked strategy, but in a way that it felt like he was just saying how smart he was, if that makes any sense.
Yes totally make sense. The way I would TF Mars would be like “so this is a game where we play as corporations trying to develop mars. The goal is to make points by etc etc”. He would explain it like “so there are these cards, cards can have these types, there are these projects, here’s how you can make projects”. The whole time I’d be like “why do I need this?” and everything just makes sense at the end.
Games usually say how long they take on the box. If it’s too long just decline. If it goes over that usually in my experience it’s because people are fucking around and making it take longer than it should instead of focusing on the game. Which is even more rude than leaving if it gets too late.
If it goes over that usually in my experience it’s because people are fucking around and making it take longer than it should instead of focusing on the game
YMMV. In my experience 90% of game time estimates on the box are utter nonsense.
In my experience, game time estimates on boxes are similar to gas consumption of a car given by the manufacturer. Multiply by at least 1.5.
Learning a board game if no one’s played it before can easily takes an hour and sometimes more in addition to the suggested play time, to figure out the set up and fully read and understand the rules.
I don’t know what kind of friends would be upset at you being tired. The only time I might be annoyed is if you continually overcommit (ask to play a game you know takes all night then leave early).
I suggest you tell your friends whenabouts you need to leave, at the start and/or the middle of your hangout so they can set their expectations accordingly.
If the Alchemist game you think you would enjoy if you just weren’t confused by the gameplay, have someone walk you through it, looking at your hand/pieces and tell you what to play and why for a round. I think part of the issue is that you need to communicate early and clearly so that you don’t have to suffer in silence. A board game hangout shouldn’t be something you dread; if it is then do something else. If it’s that the game just isn’t sparking your interest, 5-10 minutes into the rules you can stop and tell them that this doesn’t feel interesting.
I would suggest grabbing your phone and quickly looking up the game on BGG before you start to see its length and complexity rating. Would take less than a minute and would give you a broad idea of what you’re in for.
Do they use the time on the box or user reported game times? Because I often find the game on the box can be very optimistic lol.
BGG is user reported game length and weight. If you’re learning the game you’ll need to plan for it to take a little longer, as the times usually represent experienced players.
I just sat there confused as hell for 4 and a half hours while three guys were all talking about strategies
That’s partly on you. If you don’t understand the game, you should probably be speaking up and asking for help to understand it. I’m a seasoned player who wins more often than not, and I will still ask other players about why certain mechanics are the way they are, or if something doesn’t seem to make sense. If nobody’s willing to pause things for 5 minutes to help you understand, they’re a shit group and you should stop playing with them. On the other hand, if they’re trying their best to make you understand, then either:
- They’re all shit teachers (this is entirely possible, btw) and you need to find out what games will be played beforehand and do your homework before game night
- Accept that certain game difficulties are way above your head and stick to easier games. This level might change as you play more and absorb game mechanics and strategies.
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Tonight it was Terraforming Mars, where I was told it would be a 3 hour game, but by hour 4 we were halfway done. This time I said “it’s 11pm, I have work in the morning, this will be my last hand” and the host got very passive aggressive with me.
Nothing wrong with that. Ideally you’d want to say that before the game, but I wouldn’t blame anybody for going into a game with 3 hours and thinking that was enough time. On a side note, Terraforming Mars is one of those games where it doesn’t really matter if a player leaves halfway through, anyway, so they were just being a jerk.
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you are invited to play a game, only to find it’s wildly complex and takes 4 hours to finish, and you find yourself not wanting to play it within minute 5?
As for your original question: Start asking how complex a game is beforehand, and how long it takes. Simple. You may need to adjust the answers you get according to the person replying you, or check out game ratings on BGG.
Ask what game you’re going to play and read about the game? Learn the rules in advance?
Make your time limits know ahead of time. Focus on the socialization with your friends rather then the game itself.
People can get annoyed if you dip early for the same reason you stated. You got quorum, you spent hours learning and playing the game. And you don’t even get to finish it.
If your game group suffers from analysis paralysis suggest setting a timer for each turn to keep the game moving.
Oh no, another game of monopoly?!
Monopoly doesn’t take that long, unless you change the rules specifically to prolong it.
Monopoly has rules?
Yeah, written in a little booklet and everything. You don’t have to pass it down as an oral tradition from generation to generation!
There’s certainly something to be said for playing Monopoly on a might makes right basis
The last game of monopoly I played was very much by the rules, and took 4 hours where the winner was statistically certain after 30 minutes.
Funnily enough, that was actually the goal
That sounds like my experience with Star Fleet battles. A ‘simple’ and ‘introductory’ game at a local games club that three hours later had us only finished the second turn.
Back then I stuck it out to be nice. Now I’m far more likely to just apologetically say that the game is not working for me.
I don’t have suggestions better than those of others; just know I empathise with you.
Also; I call that state Ludo Limbo. The game hasn’t clicked with you, and you’re not having a good time, but for reasons outside your control you’re fucking stuck there.