I didn’t commit suicide.

I had a plan, had it all laid out, and knew when I was ready.

Proceeded to get life saving-ly drunk & passed out. Woke up with a knife in my hand the next morning & knew I need to go to the hospital.

Cleaned myself up, called in sick to work, & went to UCLA Med.

Still here today thankfully. And as much as I appreciate what bourbon did for me that night, I have slowed my consumption significantly & have my head on straight.

Had some people over, and a joint started getting passed around. One of my friends took a couple steps and face planted. Like out fucking cold. I get up to see what happened, and I face plant. My whole body is numb, and I can’t move.

Come to realize an asshat who I never liked dipped the joint in hydrocodine. It wasn’t an awful experience, but I wouldn’t have touched it if I had known. I would have least liked to have been on a couch instead of face first on the kitchen floor.

Got defibrillated in the back of an ambulance. I had 6 or 8 caffeinated beverages over an 8 hour period which also involved a 7+ mile walk across town on an 80+ degree Fahrenheit Saturday morning. I was feelin’ pretty great and thought it could use the perfect compliment, so I drove across town and bought some gray-market d9-thc gummies. I believe i took a ~25mg dosage worth of gummies. An hour later my heart rate was very high and very noticeable. I couldnt catch my breath and i had begun to panic. That’s when i called for paramedics. when they arrived my heart-rate was 160 bpm and still climbing. We got in the ambulance. They applied the the pads for the AED. I was still relatively conscious when i heard the AED call out “one-eigthy.” A few moments later I heard it call out “two-hundred.” That’s when I very suddenly jerked forward and moaned from the shock and then I felt my heart rate begin to slow a little. In the hospital we learned I was deficient in potassium which made sense given the pathology. The shock was surprisingly painless and I would recommend it if ever needed. The panic attack and the residual albeit minor case of ptsd, those I would not…

I’ve since learned how both substances work physiologically and while they feel like psychological polar-opposites, they have compounding effects on the heart and circulatory system. I am religious about limiting my caffeine intake now, two years later. —No more hippie speed-balls either

Stoned off my ass, decided to take a shower. Got in, water’s too hot, turned the knob. Water got hotter, turned the knob the other way, water got hotter. Panicked, turned the knob hard the other way, now burning. Panicked harder, turned the knob hard the other way, water now lethally hot. Finally got my shit together, turned the water off and went to bed.

I was reading up on Aaron Swartz once before bed while hitting a weed pen and I had somehow convinced myself I was facing felony charges and had to go to court to fight jail time and I lost it… unplugged my computer from the wall and shoved my face in my pillow until I was able to calm down and realize my foolishness before going to sleep.

Got myself lost in the woods at night for a good hour or so. Overgrowth was largely covering the desire path I regularly walk, and when I turned around to head back, I couldn’t find it at all.

Knew the general direction back to the main trail, so I opened my map on my phone and started walking that way in what I thought was a straight line… Problem is, my phone is screwy and the arrow showing where I’m facing points 90° to the side… After a half hour of trudging my way through the brush, I finally saw a clearing, and when I got to it… it was the same spot I started at, except I came from the other side.

Somehow I had walked in a massive circle, and my phone (which I was using as my flashlight) battery was getting concerning low, as I had failed to charge it earlier.

Tried again and eventually managed to get back to the main trail, but I was definitely starting to panic by the time I did.

I don’t know if I would call it alarming as much as eye-opening.

I had been flying commercial all day (coach), and had saved a bunch of Valium specifically for when I got home. I eventually discovered that Valium doesn’t do anything for me unless I’m particularly keyed up, but at the time I thought the issue was the dose. because 10 and 15 mg wasn’t making me feel anything, I assumed I needed to take 25 or 30, so that’s exactly what I did.

woke up the next morning to find a half eaten bowl of plain ramen noodles in the sink, the still-full bullion packet in the trash. I had to go and check my security cameras, I’d gotten up, made the noodles, eaten half of them, stuck the bowl in the sink and then went back to bed, in a complete state of blackout. ordinarily, when I’m high, I know better than to attempt certain things. I don’t turn the oven on, because I’m going to leave it on. obviously I don’t drive. I don’t post on social media, or have anything other than one word replies to anybody who texts me (other than the people who think it’s funny when I’m baked). the fact that I had been in a blackout state and still somehow felt comfortable turning the stove on and boiling water meant I didn’t know that I was fucked up. the fact that I didn’t use the seasoning packet means that I was clearly not in full control my faculties. I don’t take benzos recreationally anymore

One time we got pretty drunk at a bar and when we called an Uber to go my friend told them to just leave and he’ll pay them for the trouble, so the night went one we met a bunch of random people and went from bar to bar with a whole group of strangers until finally some legit veteran mexican gangster drove us home but not before we bought him a few bottles of fancy liquor at a safeway. The next day we woke up like did that really happen and are we on some hit list now because he said he was going to get in touch later

I had a really profound experience on salvia once. I took a huge hit of 80x extract and… uh. then. Uh. I…

Sorry, I forgot what I was talking about.

Drove a mile down the wrong side of the interstate

I wouldn’t say alarming but I have many stories of when I was younger and used to drink.

Fallen asleep on the last bus home and then had to get a taxi back which wasn’t cheap.

Would be an arrogant prick and call out bouncers for being pricks themselves, alarming as I should have had my shit rocked many times. I spend a year trolling one particular bouncer with slurs about his mum. Dude really wanted me out of range of the cameras.

Once got so drunk from beer pong that I walked a couple of miles home bent at 90^o forward at the hips.

Took a piss right in front of a police van and proceeded to be an arrogant prick to them when they asked why I would do it there.

I don’t remember, I was drunk.

Bet it was wild though!