I go to work to work because I need a paycheck, not to make friends.
Where I am there is a new coworker that to me acts needy (think of Slow Horses’s Struan Loy), tries befriending me, but he invariably asks if everything’s ok. I don’t care about this person’s life.
The first 2 times I didn’t think anything of it, but he asks that every day and it’s becoming tiring.
I feel mobbed and stalked, mobbed because he keeps insinuating there is something wrong with me just because I don’t ask him about his private life and do my job, and stalked, because he is so fixated on me.
going to HR over this seems ridiculous, but I’m starting to hate his voice.
“Look man, I appreciate the concern, but really, I’m fine. I just prefer not to socialize.” Then divert your attention to something else.
Or you could pull an SGDQ and go with the ol’ “I would really prefer it if you would be quiet.”
“Please stop asking me if everything’s OK. Everything is fine and your concern is appreciated, but I prefer to work in silence and I’m not getting any right now.”
You didn’t tell us when he asks if everything is OK. That is a large omission, and I hope you can update the original post with examples of what led up to the question being asked. Also, what is the setup there? Are you working at Subway making sandwiches? Do you have adjacent desks? Do you show up to work with black eyes? We are left wondering what’s up.
Certainly anyone who repeatedly asks “Are you OK?” is exacerbating some issue, but I would be hesitant to offer any advice about what you ought to do without reading more details.
(In other words, the missing missing reasons applies here just as it did in the original scenario, for those who remember it.)
Tell him the truth. He’s so annoying you asked a bunch of randos on the internet what to do about hi.
“I’m sure you’re perfectly nice as a friend, but I’m not looking for a friend. I like to keep my work and private life separate, and I’ll thank you to do the same around me. Don’t think I dislike you; but for me, personal chat is an unwelcome distraction.”
I’d always suggest being direct instead of waiting for other people to take a hint. Tactfully, mind you. Phrase it in a relaxed, emotionally neutral way that doesn’t single him out. Something like “Really, I am doing fine. When I’m at work, I just prefer to focus on the work itself instead of talking with people. I’m more at ease that way.”
That being said, is this the kind of work situation where you’re one of many options to make friends with or is it more of a you and him stuck in a room together all day type of thing? He sounds like a lonely person and if the two of you are stuck together then the best idea might be to seek a social compromise between you two’s preferences, like designating some specific portions of the day as times when it’s appropriate to have a conversation. You try to be sociable for him when it’s on, he tries to be quiet for you when it’s off.
I would go to HR since this sounds like covert harassment to me. Don’t think it’s ridiculous - you have the right to be left in peace. Lots of red flags on your post. However, it’s worth trying to talk to him first, so here are my suggestions:
If you are working: sorry Mr Loy, this is not a good moment. I’m trying to get work done
If you are not working, but also not ballsy enough to tell him to go away: sorry, I need to go ( go to the toilet or just pretend to be in a rush)
If you really want to set up boundaries anytime (recommended): thanks Mr Loy but I’m not interested
The tone in which you say things has a lot of weight though. If you can sound tired and bored of him, all the better. People who pick and harrass others typically go after people who react either hysterically or annoyed, or also after people who appear coy or shy and polite. I hope this helps.