Reminds me of one of my professors who left her husband, who was also a professor, when he was diagnosed with cancer.
He survived, and uses her as an example of unethical behavior for his ethics course.
“today we will talk about my ex-wife…”
“NOT AGAIN PROFESSOR”
“IT’S FOR STUDIES!!!”
I work in a hospital (not a nurse or medical staff) and you’d be fucking appalled by how common this is.
…i am not excusing this, but it seems that animalistic behaviour tends to leave the sick and wounded behind, humans are still deciding whether to be animals or something more…
I don’t think it’s instinct, but a calculated selfish decision. Will I profit from spending energy, time, and money in this person? If they die, it’s a net loss, so they bail.
Instinct only tell us to go away in case the disease is contagious.
…that is the definition of instinct, not only survival but profit…
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No, this is more common, or at least it’s more talked about, than 30 years ago.
Worse, if we can get some hard data on this, it may reinforce the trend that humans have way more stress than they should regarding unfiltered things. No, not stress, stress in general is normal. Capacity. They have no capacity, or willingness, to process through it, they’d rather run away and hide so they do that instead.
Similar to MurderBot diaries, in that MurderBot struggles with his human interactions, thinks eye contact is the absolute worst, and so, instead of using his own eyes to interact, he uses the eyes of his little drones to watch the humans in his life.
I have an honest followup question to this meme (because I lived it): how long do you expect the girlfriend to stay?
At age 23 I was in a great relationship, we were in love, then I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I stopped being able to do physical things, I dropped out of school, I was bedridden. She went from being my girlfriend to being my nurse. She cared for me for a year, one long miserable year, then she left.
Is she at fault for leaving?
In a scenario like this, I don’t know that there’s fault to be had.
Big picture (my opinion as a 53yo) 23 is still young and it’s not uncommon for people and their priorities to change as they find direction in life. Even if you remained healthy, there’s other growing and changes occurring that may have eventually lead to the end of the relationship - it’s the risk we take when we make ourselves vulnerable to someone.
Is it unfortunate? Yes. Sad? Absolutely. Depressing and entirely unfair? No question. But you both lost the future you were hoping to have together. Wishing you better to come.
Dunno, man. Its hard to say. When you marry you take vows. Breaking those vows is a massive no-no in my eyes.
Unmarried couples have never vowed to take care of each other in sickness and in health. On those grounds, I think its fair to say that leaving is not unethical. Doesn’t change the fact that its absolutely devastating and worthy of scrutiny regardless.
Sorry you had to go through that.
A fancy ceremony doesn’t change how people feel about the other person, nor the level of obligations they actually have (emotionally, financially it can get complicated). If you’re unhappy and they reason cannot be changed (like chronic illness requiring significant care) then you fucking leave if that’s what you want. Staying only creates two miserable people instead of one, and your partner will definitely understand even if it hurts.
A fancy ceremony doesn’t change how people feel about the other person, nor the level of obligations they actually have
You literally take an oath at the ceremony vowing to uphold an extremely high level of obligations to another person.
If you’re making vows at a wedding ceremony that you feel you can just nope out on if shit hits the fan, why are you getting married? What is the point?
I agree. The wedding shouldn’t change how you feel about the other person because you should already be 100% dedicated if you’re thinking of getting married.
I made a vow to my wife when we got married to care for her in sickness and in health. I do not care what happens in life, I would never abandon her. Period. That is the burden of the vow I made. In my mind my personal integrity is foundationally attached to it.
If you’re comfortable with abandoning a spouse over health issues, the marriage was a sham from the get go. Like, what are you doing at the ceremony? Making vows with your fingers crossed behind your back? 🤞🤞🤞
A lot of people in the current culture we live in do not place any value on their word or honor. I don’t really blame people for this since the system we live in almost exclusively rewards exactly the opposite behavior.
But it does make it very hard to communicate with people when you don’t have the same vocabulary.
It seems like you and I believe a vow is something that you make and would hold yourself to regardless of circumstance. But the nature of our capitalistic society teaches us from very young age that if it will improve your standing, your finances, or your situation in some way, then it is okay to break your personal code.
With that rambling paragraph in mind, it’s not surprising when we find out that most folks don’t have a personal code and vows mean nothing more than a pinky swear.
Plenty of people before 2025 divorced for any number of reasons.
Plenty of people straight up murdered their spouse because divorce wasn’t an option.
Saying “people in the current culture we live in do not place any value on their word or honor” means you have no idea how people in the past lived.
People are today as they have always been, just with different gadgets and environment.
I didn’t say anything about a divorce or murder. Maybe I was bad at getting my point across.
The point I’m attempting to make is that putting value on your word, and by association giving extra value to a vow over another type of promise, is a lesser respected or necessary part of being a human in the late stage capitalist society that we live in.
This can be evidenced by people saying that a vow can easily be broken if the circumstances change.
That is not what a vow means.
My point is that it hasn’t changed. People have always been people.
We’re 100% on the same page.
You’re not understanding what I’m saying…whether or not you want to leave your partner when things go wrong is entirely independent of marriage. You don’t stay because you got married and now it’s just too bad, you stay because you love them. Marriage should be exactly zero percent of why you choose to stay. Staying with your partner, not because you want to but because you feel obligated, is just demeaning to them and cruel.
If you’re making vows at a wedding ceremony that you feel you can just nope out on if shit hits the fan, why are you getting married? What is the point?
I agree. The wedding shouldn’t change how you feel about the other person because you should already be 100% dedicated if you’re thinking of getting married
And get married at 23, plan life of kids and whatever. Car accident a year later and she/he is a quadruped. What you’re describing isnt love, or devetion, it’s indentured servitude. If you truly love the other person you’d want them to leave.
But it’s why I never plan on being married who the fucks knows what will happen tomorrow, let alone a decade down the road.
Im 59, my parter (f 56) and I have had that discussion, she insists she’ll stay and take care of me if it happened and I said that will make me even more miserable and more depressed and I’d want her to leave.
I can’t even wrap my head around how selfish and self absorned you’d have to be to insists someone take care of you for decades of you were bedridden or even house bound etc
If you’re not ready to do that, then just don’t get married. It’s very simple. There’s no law saying you need to marry someone.
fault?, gf no if a wife yes
but regardless a shit human being
Should she have stayed and essentially worked as a nurse until he died?
Just because they where in a relationship early in life?
If the illness didn’t happen, they might have fallen out eventually, but because one is ill the other is morally bound for decades?If that’s your moral standard, you better spend every free minute of your life volunteering and every spare cent on charity, otherwise go fuck yourself!
If you get married, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what you’re signing up for. So I tend to agree with the other commenter.
“In sickness and in health,” and “Til death do us part” and all of that.
hah same exact phrase was in my head
While I think even marriage has limits, baines said
fault?, gf no if a wife yes
but regardless a shit human beingimplying that leaving any romantic partner in that situation is immoral.
unless it was a fuck buddy it is immoral
but people do selfish shit all the time to various degrees, this would be worse than cheating imo
the degree is proportional to how long they were together and the expectations set
depends how serious it was
if it was a long term relationship already and otherwise good until the illness, yea it’s shitty and selfish of a partner to leave
if it was just some short fling nah
especially if married, literally part of what you signed up for and is a very real prospect of what I might have to do myself in the future so money where my mouth is and all that
you can take your strawman and shove it
Hey, person in the meme, if you read this, just tell him the truth, i’m sure he will appreciate it and be back together with you. You’re welcome!
And let us know how it goes!
Was the serious disease a lack of money?
I became too crazy for my wife.
I was pretty crazy when she took me in (also hella creative and hella horny), but the COVID-19 lockdown did a number on
meeveryone, including me, and then I couldn’t get back into therapy because it’s impacted.TMI
spoiler
On one hand, yeah, so much for in sickness and in health and on the other hand I know I can be
batshit insane and fucking scarya bit of a burden sometimes.Also I’m really, really big on consent and (only) what the girl wants, the girl gets. When she wants out, she gets out. (I’m jealous of the new beau, but more because I’m desperately lonely than a need to possess and contain her). Also she pushes herself to move on after loss (say when we lost our dog, we got a new puppy pretty quickly), where as I want to squeeze all the grief out for a year or two before unfurling my sails once again.
Being human is just hard.
You’re not excused fucking me. I mean, you’re not fucking excused. Probably.
I have seen couples react when one of them is given a genetic diagnosis of a fatal disease. It’s about 50/50, but more women leave.
