I had bottom surgery almost a year ago and I regret it so much. I didn’t say anything up to now I kept getting told that feelings of doubt and uncertainty will get better as it heals, well it’s healed for over a month and it hasn’t gone away. It’s gotten worse! I feel like I’m broken, like part of me is missing. I wish I didn’t fucking do this shit. I miss my dick and balls so much.
Don’t tell me that I don’t regret it and that regret is rare. This isn’t the first time I spoke up. I said this shit on Reddit and the dipshits who run r/trans banned me telling me that regret is rare and that I probably don’t regret it, and that the chance of me being not trans is tiny. I explained to those dumb fucks that I 100% am trans, am a woman and that I miss my dick and balls and they got me suspended for 3 days and muted me.
I absolutely regret it and I absolutely am a woman. Some days (currently now) I think about killing myself because I know I’ll never be whole again. I just want to get in my car and drive off a gate bridge, and that would be it.
Your regret is valid and understandable. We all make choices in life that we can come to regret. I am very sorry that you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of wishing you could undo something that cannot be undone.
You are welcome to discuss this here but some of the language you use is extremely triggering and highly correlated with bigoted narratives about bottom surgery. Such as describing yourself as broken, describing your genitalia as rotting, etc. I normally allow a certain amount of this but frankly this thread was very intense and even just reading through it all to understand what was going on was quite hard. Some content warnings and perhaps a bit of consideration for other users would go a long way.
I’m sorry you’ve had bad experiences in other communities treating you like your regret isn’t real. Your suffering is real and you have every right to talk about it here with others. A lot of gatekeeping has gone on in this thread and I am working through it now to address it.
If anyone finds their comment has been removed by me I would encourage you to read the rules and understand that this is an inclusive community of all transfeminine people. Even if you suspect that someone is lying or misrepresenting themselves or their experiences, it is still not permissible to interrogate them in such a manner. You can always DM me or Ada if you suspect someone of showing up to cause trouble. But creating public threads to speculate on whether someone is a troll or not is just categorically unacceptable here. We have few reliable ways of emperically verifying those things out in the open. So its pointless and just promotes a hostile atmosphere of interrogation and gatekeeping.
I’m going to leave this thread locked for a bit while things die down.
I just wanted to add that for people who think OP is a troll, pls just block her and move on.
It is completely understandable to me that you want to protect the community from someone you are certain is a troll, but this just feeds the troll and stirs up drama - the best response to a troll is blocking and not engaging. Let the admins and mods handle the troll, you don’t have to.
Your feelings are totally valid, my advice to you is to seek out a trans-friendly therapist and to work with them. It sounds more expensive than it is, and if it could save your life, it’s worth every penny.
I’m really really sorry you’re going through this, it sounds incredibly traumatic and difficult, and I really wish there was more advice I could give.
Try to hang in there, and I really really hope things improve for you.
I’ll look for one. I don’t know how much it’ll help but it’s worth a try I guess. Thank you.
I’m really glad to hear that, I really think it can help. In the meantime, if you ever need a sympathetic ear, to trauma dump or rant or anything, please feel free to reach out. I’m really sorry about the people invalidating you, that must be really horrible, but remember you are never alone, there are always people who care about you.
Wow, what a ridiculous take from the reddit. “Regret is rare so it doesn’t exist”. Honey, BEING TRANS is relatively rare in the general population and it’s real as hell.
I wish I had better advice, but try to remember no feeling is final and there is always a tomorrow. Though it may be a hell of a battle to stay sane while going through this I know you have the strength to keep fighting as you had the strength to make such huge changes to find yourself originally, even if you might have pushed too far in that direction with that choice. Lots of love girlfriend <3
Sorry to year your experience with your bottom surgery and attempts at getting support in the past have gone poorly. From what I’ve seen in the past, lemmy trans spaces tend to be better than that.
I don’t really have any advice unfortunately. It seems like its difficult to try to get a phalloplasty after having a vaginoplasty; even if you can find a surgeon who is willing to try, there’s higher risks from my understanding and you may have to do a lot of self-advocating to get the surgeon to be willing to try.
Not exactly what aspects you miss about it, but would a packer potentially help? Seems like it would be worth a try?
I hope you can find some peace regardless of what it takes.
Removed by mod
I’ve removed this comment because it was negative about phalloplasty in a way that isn’'t appropriate in a trans community. I’ll be happy to restore the post if you can reword your comment in a way that considers the impact your words may have on folk who want or need phalloplasty.
You can still find happiness in life. It’s a big change, but it can still be okay. I truly appreciate this post and I hope dearly that you choose to stick around.
Removed by mod
