Trust your gut. If s/he is making you feel uncomfortable, even if you can’t point to specifically what is wrong, if the final gut check says something is wrong, something is wrong. Get out.
And vice versa, when your gut tells you to go for it, that’s a good sign! (But you still want to use rationality to check)
Having friends to reality check situations of all types is a good idea. Just be truthful.
Don’t chase the opposite sex. Chase interest. I didn’t meet my wife by seeking my wife, I met her by having an interest, sharing that interest, and having a friend of a friend go, “I bet future Mrs phanto would find that interesting.”
Complementary to this: chase a good life for yourself. Being happy where you are makes you appealing to others, both friends and potential partners.
Some of us are gay.
I agree wholeheartedly. Chasing the same sex is a hundred times better /silly
Good advice, though. I met someone that I share so many interests with, and can talk to for hours upon hours; I’ll never grow tired of her. I think we’re best friends, and that makes me even happier than being her lover.
Keep trying. Sometimes it’s hard, but keep meeting new people and learning. Take a reasonable break when needed.
Dont settle. You are worth being treated well, supported, celebrated, focused on.
And for the love of all that is holy dont rush to get pregnant before you know this about someone.
Apps are awful. Meet someone at social meetups or something.
I’m not saying this will work for you, but it always worked for me.
The first time I brought anyone to my place I’d ask if they wanted to see my collection of strange porn. No one ever said no, and if it didn’t work out I stayed friends with all of them.
My favorite piece features the line “These aren’t regular penises, these are roots of lust!” said in a demonic voice.
Damn you, now I’m curious what that is lmao. I don’t really watch porn much, but sometimes there are really funny parts out there.
I don’t watch much either but there was a time I tried to get into it. Just my luck that I kept finding the strangest ones.
Like a documentary-style porn about farmgirls and farmhands to a light piano soundtrack with a little dog frolicking in the background the whole time.
Put yourself out there. You will never find someone while sitting at home alone. You will get rejected. That isn’t a bad thing. It means you need to keep looking. Think about who you really want to meet - not celebrity, not perfection, not fantasy. What qualities, values, interests, etc. should a REAL person have that would make a relationship worthwhile? What do you offer that could make a person interested in you? What do you need to work on to make yourself a better person?
Don’t waste your time with apps. They’re all designed to keep you coming back, and to make you pay for access to better matches, but they’re incentivized to keep you from finding your true match, else they’d lose money from you. That and the plethora of issues on the apps themselves with bots, people who only want hookups, and so…so many bad matches. I met my current girlfriend at a bar, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been in a relationship. Ditch the apps.
Also to add, apps typically only match you with someone who just isn’t a fit (same reason: to keep you have come back).
On top of that, dick pics. And if you’re using the app, mildly disagree with something small and gauge their reaction.
Don’t agree to meet at a home; but in public, at say, a cafe.
I don’t entirely agree with the bar thingy - mainly because they’re so loud and that’s not suitable for everyone. But compared to an app, I guess…
Oh, I’m not recommending meeting people at a bar, honestly. I’ve had great luck with it as a trans woman in Seattle, but that’s because every Tuesday is doll’s night, where the bars I go to are flooded with trans women, and I love that. It’s likely much better to meet people through shared hobbies, through friends, etc. All I recommend specifically against is using dating apps. It’s much better to meet people organically and not give into the algorithms designed to keep you coming back.
If they show you who they are, believe them.
Do not talk yourself out of you’re gut feeling, its probably right.
Do not romantize them, love them for who they are right now, not for who you think they might be.
Keep an open mind. Sometimes the most compatible people with you are found in unexpected places. Dating apps are not the be-all end-all of how to meet people, but they aren’t useless either. They’re just another way to connect with someone.
Know your personal deal breakers and honor them. Don’t talk yourself out of hard-earned lessons from past relationships.
The truth will set you free
