At what point do you call yourself a trans elder? I’d like to know everyone’s opinion on the matter. Trying to determine if I really am a trans elder or not. Thank you.

      • Echedelle (she/her) ( echedeylr@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 
        4·
        10 days ago

        the other community was filled with transmedicalist terms and views.

        for example: mtf, assumption that we are either pre-op or post-op (instead of being a goal-based thing), the assumption that we are all women (some are transfem but NB and not women), bodyshaming (assumption that we want and have to get rid of body hair and even comments against people who felt comfy with it, but this happened time ago), the assumption about your transition goals (similar to pre-op and post-op but also that your end goal is having specific genitals), etc

        i felt super uncomfy to even participate in the other community because of that, or even ask serious questions. i saw the shaming, the judgements, the expectations.

        it gave me a major societal dysphoria (societal, not social).

        it was so so cis-normative, sometimes even het-normative.

        • Ada ( ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 
          3·
          6 days ago

          It what?

          I’m one of the mods of that community. Not just admin, but also a community mod. I understand why the name makes people uncomfortable. In this case, it came from the name used in one of the trans reddit communites at the time of the initial migration.

          But aside from the name, I would very much want to know about gatekeeping and bodyshaming, because it has no place in the community or the instance.

          If you see it in the future, please raise it with me or another mod/admin.

          • Echedelle (she/her) ( echedeylr@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 
            1·
            2 days ago

            i think i listed some examples of the content. it was not just the name but the whole lore and way to speak of a lot of folks.

            also, that gave me a binarist vibe of the community and also hostile to GNC folks like me (i refuse cisnormativity and has hurted me a lot)

            • Ada ( ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 
              1·
              2 days ago

              Aside from the name stub, which I understand your issue with, the things you mentioned are not the “lore” of that community. The stub itself unfortunately, can’t be changed, but there is a reason community is called “Transfem” and not “MTF”. The opening sentence of the sidebar is “This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people” for a reason.

              I’ve defederated entire instances and banned countless accounts over their exclusion of gender diversity outside of the binary and bigotry against otherkin.

              There are undoubtedly folk in the existing community that hold binarist views, and there are undoubtedly folk in there that hold cisnormative views, but that is the same of every trans community on lemmy including this new one. What matters is the response to those views being expressed, and that should look like education and awareness, which is I hope, how it will manifest in this community. Exclusive language steeped in transmedicalist perspectives is steeped in our history, because it was forced on us by cis gatekeepers, and that’s impossible to completely escape from as long as people who lived through that experience are part of the community. And whilst that’s history in some parts of the world, in many others, it’s still a requirement to access care and support, and that harmful perspective that is forced on us, shapes many peoples internal view of themselves and their community.

              We can’t make that go away with rules or a ban hammer though. It needs to be met with support example setting. If someone refers to their own experience in terms that lean on exclusionary language, a good response isn’t telling them how they have to refer to themselves, but instead, showing them by example that there are more inclusive, open ways of thinking about their own experiences in the way you talk about your own experiences. Change comes from giving folk room to grown and showing them empathy whilst they navigate the unpacking of enforced binary and transmedicalist perspectives.

              Where it crosses the line is if people start to use that language to deny the experiences of others, if they double down on using language for other folk that other beings have said makes them uncomfortable, it’s time for a moderator to step in.

              And that’s what I’m saying to you or to anyone else reading this. If you do see exclusive language being pushed on to others, flag it, because it has no place in any community on blahaj.zone.

              • Echedelle (she/her) ( echedeylr@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 
                2·
                1 day ago

                It needs to be met with support example setting. If someone refers to their own experience in terms that lean on exclusionary language, a good response isn’t telling them how they have to refer to themselves, but instead, showing them by example that there are more inclusive, open ways of thinking about their own experiences in the way you talk about your own experiences. Change comes from giving folk room to grown and showing them empathy whilst they navigate the unpacking of enforced binary and transmedicalist perspectives.

                i leave this to the people who has the spoons for it. this was my initial approach, nowadays i am tired and overwhelmed and i just want to be able to discuss and speak things without feeling forced to teach other people all the time. i can understand you have the spoons, i simply don’t.

                in the moment i have to assume that, i simply run away from that space as i did many other times before when the situation was too much for me to handle without a person next to me assisting me on it or until i had the spoons to fight again.