I always loved it when metal shows would come to the bars I worked at.
Not like, here’s some disturbed MU-WHA-HA-HA or anything on the radio, but Black/Doom/War/Poli/Sludge/Thrash really subculture shit. As someone who played a lot of punk music in life, I always could appreciate metal like that. The scene, talent, devotion and in some cases being fucking out there nuts, was always rad. Played tons of cross over shows, too. Made great friends.
That years later, can still bring a tear to my eye every time I think of the “tiny thank you’s”
Like the singer is guttural as fuck. Blood is coming off the finger tips of the guitar players as he’s hitting the reverb tank for nightmare juice, the drummer is fucking sober and the perfect specimen of what the ideal metal killing machine would be and the bass player is still like, “yeah, i’m in a metal band making the bass go brrrrrr” and being all bass player.
Ten minute wall of metal pounds those in front like an assault. Every long hair looks like a hair dye commercial as their locks and beards are sonic-ally blown behind them as the final verses come to an almost shit educing growl at the end being forced from the most darkest evil parts of the bowl that makes women inexplicably become 6 months 6 days and 6 fucking hours pregnant. And the loser boyfriend who wasn’t even there is still the daddy.
As you see the titans of rage and petulance gather themselves back to gather, the nineteen foot tall product of satanic science, his demon parents fucking and hard fucking drugs brings the mic to his mouth and says… in a very well mannered, often kinda high pitched and nerdy toned voice waving and pointing at people smiling all big a dumb… he squeeks…
^ Hey guys, thansk everyone for coming out. it’s been great. Shout out to milos dad and uncle for making it out. Super cool guys. So uhhhhhh, agin, we’re ILLITERATE GOAT PORNOGRAPHERS OF PLANET FUCKING DEATH and this song is called "We gotta nuke something. thanks again everyone! babe, grab me a beer ^ ONE TWO THREE FOUR and back into the face melting talents i will never in my life posses.
But going from apocalypse to accountant thanking the fam back to doom train always had me laughing endlessly. Even knowing it was coming, it will still make me giggle. What they do is professionalism and courteous.
Fucking Metal.
Youtube the death metal vocal trainer. the videos with the old woman and Devin Townsend caliber singers makes it all come together.
Now babble like a moron super power deactivate
This warms my cold dead heart…thanks for sharing!
You’re a good writer, I read that 3 times. Very evocative, well-paced, humorous.
That cruise ship would get me angry too
6 months later, when sunlight is half visible on the horizon only 2 hours per day, this is your commute to school/work and back.
As a Norwegian, I can agree. I always joke about going to school at night, and coming home at night, only seeing day from the windows in my classroom
I would love to live in this
The rates of alcoholism and suicide in northern Scandinavia show most people dont.
No doubt, most people would hate this and I understand why, but I for one am just not one of those people.
I live in the northeast US and nothing depresses me like watching the days get longer as spring and summer approach. When winter comes, I sleep through all the daylight hours and only wake up once it’s dark, going to sleep as the sun comes up.
If I’m ever crazy rich, my dream is the have two houses, on either side of the world, so I can live where it’s perpetually night for six months, and fly to the other house as soon as it starts to switch, so I can live in perpetual night.
Come try it out! Northern Norway is so happy to see tourists in winter that they’ll probably pay you to rent a cabin for a month.
What stuff is there to do in Northern Norway during the winter time?
Going for walks, mostly. Or socializing in town.
Sounds fun, I might go vacation there one day
Yeh but this is summer. All you can see is darkness and it’s -48°C the other 10 months of the year…
I think I’d rather have -48°C temperatures over 40°C temperatures.
Definitely.
The Norwegians have a saying, “there’s no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.”
Which goes to show how little they have to deal with high temperatures. You can always add more layers if it’s cold, but you can only strip down so far in the heat.
Northern Germans tend to say:" wia sind doch näch aus Zucker"
They paint their houses those bright colours because of the long, brutally cold, depressing, grey, sun-starved winters. But great place to visit in the summer months.
Immigrant friends during the first few months: - I’m really impressed with how much focus Scandinavians put on “hygge” and interior design that makes it pleasant to relax inside. I wonder why.
Same friends two months into winter where it is dark most of the day, everything is cold, walking on the ground will break your bones if you aren’t careful, and the rain and sleet will soak your shoes and jacket and they will never really dry out until June: - Yeah okay I get it now.
If we had a pic of that same place mid-winter, the songs about hell (Mmmm warm) would make a lot more sense.