What words, phrases or signs do you use and how do you get your partner’s attention?
Shaka, when the walls fell
Mirab, with sails unfurled.
Riker, his face bearded.
When my wife can’t remember someone’s name, she’ll grab my hand and squeeze it with two quick squeezes “Help. Me.”.
That’s my cue to either work their name into a comment/question or, if I don’t know them, introduce myself followed by a “And you are…?”. Works pretty well all of the time.
Of course, being together so long, and loving to fuck with each other’s heads when we can, sometimes I’ll just stand there and give them my best Aussie “owzitgoin?”, and watch my wife squirm. That’s usually when the nails dig into my hand, hoping to draw blood.
Worth it.
“Do we have any pineapple at home?” is our safe word for social situations when one of us needs a reason to leave a situation or change the conversation because they’re uncomfortable. I detest pineapple.
You must really dislike it - I’d have trouble not laughing if someone asked me this.
What if they go “sure, I’ll get you some”?
“Oh no, I want to bake a pineapple upside down cake later, I’m not hungry now.”
Sign Language works pretty well.
We picked it up when my daughter was younger and we just kept going. Now we use it to speak to each other from across the room during loud events.
None. My wife doesn’t know about tact, or the polite white lie or anything like that. She doesn’t have time for that bullshit. It’s one of her endearing qualities.
Ha! Our trick is that we’re never with company. We are very boring homebodies.
This is the way.
Married 30 years. Eyebrow position and, “eh?”
“Eh.”
And we are pretty much on the same page.
Not 30 years, but usually just looking at each other says enough, with maybe a head motion if it’s time to go. Facial expressions say a lot on their own, and if you know someone well enough, even subtle differences can say a lot.
Yup, we’re only at 12, but a look is enough, we’re usually thinking the same thing.
But the other additional one, three squeezes, hands, or whatever can be touched without being obvious, is I love you. Seems sweet, but most often used when one of us is getting pissed off (at something/someone else, not each other).
We do the same three taps on the shoulder or hand squeezes for “I love you” too. Hon, is that you?
Instead of spelling it out or code, my wife and I will use increasingly obscure synonyms to hide our conversations from the kids.
They figured out “frozen confection” meant ice cream, so I need a new one.
Chilly Cattle?
Any fizzy lemon & lime drink is now Sauvignon.
This stems from a meal nearly 20 years ago where she asked for “Sprite or 7-Up” and was given a large glass of Sauvignon Blanc by a slightly hard of hearing waitress.
Pig Latin. Kids haven’t figured it out yet. One can spell so that went out the window.
Next stop is probably Morse code.
Ooh! Morse code with tongue clicks!
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Nice try.
Nice try. It’s secret.
My wife and I have a couple of terms that we frequently use.
- SET - “South Eastern Twat”, used to describe a pretend-farmer, with gilet, flatcap and Landrover, who are so frequent in this part of England. We used to live in a more down-to-earth part of the country, so have allergic reaction to the stealth-wealth and snootiness you find down here.
- “There’s no need for buttering the pan” - a description for ovulation days, when my wife gets quite randy :)
- ALTHAB - “At Least They’ve Had a Bath”, which we use as a short-hand for "the kids had baths yesterday, won’t need one today and therefore, if we push through, we can get them to bed early and might have some calm time together, in front of the TV, playing a boardgame or whatever is required to reconnect.
- HPS - “High Pressure Sex”, a joke used to get us both to relax about those moments when you feel like you ought to have sex (you finally have a night away or whatever), but neither of you can be bothered (too tired, too stressed etc.).
Korean
Swiss-German is a pretty good secret language.
Perhaps more useful is to silently make your mouth into an “o” like you’re saying “go” if you want to go, or a line like you’re saying “stay” if you want to stay.
