They treat service people well.
I was going to write this one.
They are happy to see you!
They handle stress and disappointment well.
They don’t externalize their frustrations, and take responsibility for solving their own problems. They act like a functioning adult.
They have interests and hobbies that they are happy to do alone, or share.
Unfair - but they don’t have intense money, drug, social pressure in their life, a stable situation is the good grounds for relationships
bonus: If their parents are attractive, then they could be a good partner who ages gracefully with you
That bonus really looked like it was going somewhere else for a second there.
bonus: if their parents are attractive, you have a potential thruple opportunity to fall back on if the relationship sours.
they read books
After 4 years of engineering I’m scared of books now…😂😂😂
valid lol, sometimes gotta take a break for a while
The trick is to read something that’s fictional and less dry. Fantasy would be an excellent choice. Sci Fi if you still enjoy things slightly more grounded in reality.
Oh man. I wish i could read a book!
What’s keeping you?
I dunno…distractions, too much commitment, feels indulgent,… ? Just got a book for my birthday and read the first 100 pages aloud in the car because my husband and son wanted to hear it. Now it’s been on my coffee table for two weeks and I’m struggling to pick it back up.
It’s not really indulgent to take some time for yourself. Maybe your also missing the right book to get you interested. What kind of story are you interested in?
Thank you for the motivation
When i was younger (before kids) i read a lot - mostly Stephen King and classics and it’s still what i really like. Kids are grown, but i have a hard time saying, “I’m going to sit here for an hour and read.” There’s always something to do…bills, husband, animals, house, yard, etc. and when i veg I mostly turn to mindlessly browsing my phone because it’s 2 minute chunks that you can put down anytime. After 15 years of working at the same job i just found out that my lunch break is 60 minutes instead of 30 - maybe I’ll bring a book and try to use that time to read.
Uses vim?
Now I’m not dating someone unless they can prove their vim skills. Probably I’m gonna die alone.
:wq is the equivalent of sexting you
Maybe :q! (Bang)
I like to stay safe with my sexting
And she is lesbian
There is a term in kendo called hikitate geiko. I won’t get too technical, but in essence, it is an attitude employed by a senior who spars with their junior that helps elevate their skills. It is more difficult than it appears, because if you make it too easy for them, they don’t improve, but if you make it too hard for someone, they won’t learn anything either; and at the same time, you yourself won’t benefit from the spar. By practicing good hikitate geiko, you are able to elevate your partner’s skills, but at the same time, refine and perfect your own technique.
I find that this attitude is beautiful in every aspect of life, and isn’t easy to accomplish; I think this is a huge green flag when someone does that well, regardless of the situation or context.
This. Someone who is willing to come down to my ignorant level in a subject and reward me for my tiny effort and interest in it, is an immediate win in my book. Though it is a hard line to cross without going into smirky/mansplaining territory.
For example, Veritasium videos are always fantastic, but I can’t get over how the man smirks when he explains concepts, despite the fact that it’s his natural smile.
Finding that sweet spot is incredibly difficult, and requires a lot of attention and skill.
In kendo, if I make it too easy, not only the junior won’t learn much from it, but they will get frustrated and feel that they are being dismissed or looked down on. If you go too hard on someone, you are crushing their spirit and demoralising them, and they don’t get the opportunity to learn or improve. The problem is that such environments tend to be festered in some dojo, so if you see that, best to look for another group.
The point of hikitate geiko is to give your partner both a boost in confidence and engagement, giving them opportunities to attack you, but if they don’t immediately capitalise on them, move on.
As for applying it outside the dojo, I think you have to want to share your enthusiasm about something, and when you get them hyped about it like you, it’s an awesome feeling. When you give them the confidence to try something, or ask a question, they are trusting you and it’s great. I also love seeing someone when something they have been trying to do just clicks.
I find that when learning a new skill, there is a point of psychological friction, because you feel that you suck, and just aren’t getting it. Hikitate geiko helps the junior not feel like they suck, it feels awesome and it increases morale, which makes learning both fun and effective.
I think you have to want to share your enthusiasm about something
This, the enthusiasm sells the authenticity of it, and people are more willing to listen.
I have a friend who teaches high school history and has traveled a lot. She’s great at this! I feel like i can talk to her about almost anything and she never makes me feel stupid.
Somewhat related… I work at a garden center and my manager is a professor of horticulture. When I transferred to her department, I thought I would be learning so much, but this woman has no passion for teaching and is cynical about everything. She sucks the life and fun out of work. Luckily I enjoy working with my other coworkers, and everybody likes me better than they do her.
This really sucks, but I’m glad the other people there weren’t dragged down by the manager and remained positive people to interact with.
Bit of an update… 3 out of 4 of us employed under her are planning to quit after the new year. We’re just finishing the holiday season because it’s a busy time and don’t want to bail when it’s all hands on deck right now.
The 4th person is only part-time and we haven’t told him yet about our plans, so he may join us once he finds out.
All of us are quitting because of the manager.
I’m glad you’re no longer putting up with her. Best of luck.
I do this when I play MTG or board games with people. I’m not like professional MTG good or anything but it is the kind of complex system I tend to do really well in. I want to have fun too though so a lot of times I end up trying to control the board in a way to make my opponent think about specific challenges to overcome to defeat me. Gives me something to do that isn’t obliterating them and they get to have an engaging game out of it too
That’s exactly it! This matches the spirit of hikitate geiko beautifully. You’re both helping your opponent understand the game better, creating opportunities for them to challenge themselves in engaging ways and helping them feel awesome while doing it, which is a great motivator to improve and play more in the future.
Do you feel this makes you a better MTG player in general when you do it?
I’d say it depends who I’m against but overall yeah. There’s always something to be learning in that game and if someone completely new to the game finds a novel way around a challenge than I’ll tuck that away in my toolbelt as well. I also have to know some really obscure parts of how things work together to orchestrate the kind of board state I’m talking about so lots of research goes into it.
I actually do this mostly as a way to learn about new people; see how they approach problem solving and how they socially interact with me (MTG is a space I’m comfortable in so I end up talking way more than usual during play); but I have a couple close friends we mostly try and out shitpost each other with ridiculous gameplay. And then sometimes, on a rare occasion if someone is rude to me, I can take off the training wheels and use my finely tuned bullshittery to make them pick up their ball and go home lol
That’s really awesome! There are more similarities than I thought between our hobbies.
If a person carries their trash with them until they stumble upon a trash bin they instantly have a plus in my book.
- vegan
- soft spoken
- patient
- hands scarred/calloused from work
- creases in face from smiling
- casual manner/attire
- walks around other earthlings on footpaths etc instead of through
- puts their shopping trolley away, bonus if they round up others
- mocks authority
- is kind to children and listens to them seriously
i see your mocks authority and raise you an acab.
these are good green flags. I see the flak youre getting from folks doing the whole “make fun of vegans on the internet” thing, and wanted to say that the vegans Ive met irl have been really chill folks that are willing to make sacrifices for a better society. idk why vegans get trashed on online for sharing the long list of pros for veganism, as if people don’t share opinions online all the time.
personally, I’m on a reduce animal products in ways i can with an occasional “treat yo-self” day, but that’s mostly because ive lived a lot of my life being poor and havent always been able to select my own diet.
excited for more lab grown options, and I love when vegan options exist because they are usually unique, delicious, and dont have dairy(am allergic).
We’re all on our own journey. I spent 25 years eating, wearing, or otherwise using our fellow earthlings to various degrees before I realised I didn’t want to be someone who kills when I don’t have to.
I am grateful for what kindness you practice and I hope you will continue to reflect on your relationship with earthlings.
Mocking authority is a green flag?
Of course, authority is a pretty fucked up concept as implemented in our society. It’s almost always nothing more than the threat of violence for not subsuming your own needs to the needs of another. The other usually claiming that privilege through nonsense like birthright, wealth, closeness to power structures or similar.
Anyone who uses such a ridiculous thing is at best a fool. Calling out injustice and laughing at awful people is definitely a green flag.
Consider say the difference between interacting with a cop and a firefighter. The cop claims authority, do what they say or be tortured into compliance. The firefighter has no authority and yet I’ll bet you trust everything they say a lot more than the cop and are far more willing to cooperate.
Mocking authority for me would be a red flag as it’s a sign of immaturity. The people in my life that do this are the ones that tend to be emotionally rash, and inability to control emotions is a huge red flag.
However not just submitting to authority and being confident enough to stand up to it while being respectful, that’s a green flag.
why respect someone who’s threatening you? That’s the implicit case with authority “bow to me or I will make you suffer”
Who gains anything there except the authoritarian? Why do you want people to respect that?
We get on with each other fine without it.
What do you gain from treating them with disrespect, other than escalation? Nobody likes being disrespected, regardless of whether or not they deserve / have earned that respect. By operating on a baseline of “give people the benefit of the doubt and treat them with respect by default” you open a world of constructive / logical discussion that would be closed if you were emotional.
To me, mocking someone is a person’s way of saying “I don’t have a well thought out argument against X, so I’ll just give it a nickname and talk shit about it”.
If you have to think of one person who is famous for mocking anyone / anything they don’t like, who would it be? For me, the first person that comes to mind is Trump. Is that someone who is worth modelling your behaviour after?
ability to reasonable and critical common sense thinking, when it’s against the hive mind of their surroundings – > greenest of all green flags 😉
I’m infamous for understanding to an extent, but that’s like saying “Japanese police are bad, therefore being in the Yakuza is a green flag”. I too am not that fond of authority, but that doesn’t make every robber a Robin Hood.
I missed this.
Violent thugs claim authority regardless of the source. The cops claim the law enables them to torture you into compliance, the gangs claim it by right of might.
The reason is not relevant, laugh at them all (where doing so won’t get you killed).
This doesn’t mean fuck rules or cooperation. If my friends and I play a board game we all agree to be bound by collective rules for the pursuit of some mutual fun. Of course nobody has authority in the same sense, anyone is free to say “I don’t think this rule is fun, can we change it?” or “I’m not having fun right now, I’m sorry but I’d like to stop playing”.
I love people who help others, I just also love it when those helpful people burst out laughing when someone says “that’s Mr Bossman to you!”.
As to your reply to other person, yeah a lot of people don’t respect authority and laugh at it. I think it’s a green flag. Some people kiss the ring and lick the boot. Those people scare me because I can’t think of any reason except that they dream of being over another.
Seems you are using that brain again. Didn’t school teach you not to do that?
Cop and firefighter was a good example.
The firefighter is an authority on fire safety, and shouldn’t be mocked for that authority
There’s a lot of writing on subtle details of sorts of authority and it’s a bit of a problem with language.
You could say that you voluntarily grant the firefighter temporary authority in some circumstances or whatever but to avoid quibbling over language for essays let’s agree that there is a difference between someone imposing authority vs an individual deciding to believe someone should be listened to because of some domain expertise.
It’s probably due to autism traits but “mocking authority” sounds like just mocking anyone relying on previous experience or education rather being able to justify their position in the situation at hand. Compare to the logical fallacy of “relying on authority”
When it comes to fire safety, I don’t need to know exactly with sources why some areas need to be “fire cells” while other areas, similar in my eyes, doesn’t if the information comes from a fire fighter. I rely completely on his/her authority on the matter and doesn’t need any more evidence to let the fire fighter enforce those laws and regulations.
Im guessing that in this context “authority” in the thread starter text is shorthand for “perceived authority by the enforcer without real and safe recourse for the person having authority enforced upon”?
Since both the cop and fire fighter have means of legal repercussions if their authority is not followed I mean.
I’m not sure I follow. For the purposes of my example the firefighter has no legal recourse if you don’t listen. They’re just random volunteers where I live.
I don’t want to get too hung up on definitions because that’s counter productive I think. So what I’m talking about is that sometimes humans rely on power, real or perceived, in order to demand that others subsume their own desires and submit to those of the powerful.
Examples are police and other violent gangs - do what I say or I shoot you, capitalists - work for me or I will starve you, shitty parents - do what I say or I will hurt you.
I am calling that authority, notice that at no point is there consent from the person authority is being claimed over (it’s not consent if it’s coerced).
On the other hand people sometimes agree to perform certain roles with each other, or to be bound by certain rules in order to undertake some endeavour. For example when I am teaching my niece science she agrees to solve the problems I ask her to solve, but there is no coercion here. She is free to say at any moment “no” and I am free to either withdraw my offer to teach, ask a different question, propose a break or whatever else. Similarly working groups might elect someone among them to manage a project, but this isn’t authority (as I have defined above) if they are free to relect a project manager, refuse directions or whatever.
Various writers have waffled to varying extents trying to pin down specific definitions. I side with those who think it’s clearer to distinguish between the two social arrangements by not calling the second one authority.
Where I live the fire fighters are a professional force tasked with emergency tasks as well as enforcing compliance with fire safety regulations, as an example an association I work with had to pay a fine due to having some of the smoke detectors non functioning. Thats an authority I have no issue with, with goes back to the word “mocking” authority rather than “questioning” authority.
One sounds like the refusal of having another party authority over oneself, the latter implies a valuation if the authority is proper, fitting and reasonable or not.
What do you mean with
walking around other earthlings on footpaths etc instead of through
Is an earthling a human, an animal, a plant or subsets of those three? And what is walking through an earthling?
I’m geniuenly curious, I have no idea what you mean.
Earthlings are all of us, all sentient beings. We are from earth, we are the earthlings.
Like not just plowing through birds foraging, or lizards sunbaking, or ants doing a nuptial flight or whatever.
Considering others’ right to use space equal to their own.
That makes much more sense, my first intuition was passing people on the sidewalk which… doesn’t seem like a red flag.
Sounds awesome!
You said vegan. That explains the downvotes… And you said it as the first point even. Next time leave it for last!
I’m not going to hide my values. They’re not shameful
ikr, ITT, people getting mad they don’t fit into / agree with a strangers green flag list. The world is a wild place and I hope it’s not as hostile or absurd as I believe it is.
The V word makes people go nuts because they know they ought to be.
Notice how nobody is flipping out about my preference for people unfraid of getting their hands dirty, or imagine if I had written Buddhist. Would anyone have replied that it’s a red flag for them or written weird fantasies about anti Buddhist violence?
It upsets people because we all know killing animals is wrong. It’s easy and it’s tasty though. We tell ourselves it’s ok because everyone else is, but then a vegan comes along and the illusion shatters.
At the time of writing, the comment only has 32% downvotes.
Lemmy is a lot more vegan friendly than most places on the internet.
- Omega_Haxors ( @Omega_Haxors@lemmy.ml ) 2•8 months ago
A lot of the hatred of vegens comes from fossil fascists, and they get banned here.
Yeah, that sounds like a fun dude (I’m assuming dude given the kind of work he does). I’ve never met him, though.
my wife is the light of my life .
Kindness to animals. Just all animals, generally
Expresses disagreement with people talking shit about others when they don’t have to
Only kicks upwards, not downwards. Has a backbone and principles. Doesn’t value money over meaning. Likes to teach people instead of putting oneself over them.
They’re self aware. Understand the difference between subjectivity and objectivity. When they encounter someone different, they don’t judge, see it as a learning opportunity. Put thought into their words. If you ask them a question, you can see them carefully thinking about it.
Actually intelligent, reads books, sense of humor, actually listens.
People who treat others who cannot benefit them well. For example, wait staff.
- Omega_Haxors ( @Omega_Haxors@lemmy.ml ) 17•8 months ago
They actually show up, or, failing that, tell you they aren’t going to show up and summarize why and when the next best time is.
They’re a fucking weirdo like me and so don’t mind being goofy a good bit of the time.
mine is similar, they laugh at my jokes and can also continue them
