• Today ( Today@lemm.ee ) 
          1·
          3 years ago

          I dunno…distractions, too much commitment, feels indulgent,… ? Just got a book for my birthday and read the first 100 pages aloud in the car because my husband and son wanted to hear it. Now it’s been on my coffee table for two weeks and I’m struggling to pick it back up.

            • Today ( Today@lemm.ee ) 
              1·
              3 years ago

              When i was younger (before kids) i read a lot - mostly Stephen King and classics and it’s still what i really like. Kids are grown, but i have a hard time saying, “I’m going to sit here for an hour and read.” There’s always something to do…bills, husband, animals, house, yard, etc. and when i veg I mostly turn to mindlessly browsing my phone because it’s 2 minute chunks that you can put down anytime. After 15 years of working at the same job i just found out that my lunch break is 60 minutes instead of 30 - maybe I’ll bring a book and try to use that time to read.

    • tetris11 ( tetris11@lemmy.ml ) 
      23·
      3 years ago

      This. Someone who is willing to come down to my ignorant level in a subject and reward me for my tiny effort and interest in it, is an immediate win in my book. Though it is a hard line to cross without going into smirky/mansplaining territory.

      For example, Veritasium videos are always fantastic, but I can’t get over how the man smirks when he explains concepts, despite the fact that it’s his natural smile.

    • cheesymoonshadow ( cheesymoonshadow@lemmings.world ) 
      10·
      3 years ago

      Somewhat related… I work at a garden center and my manager is a professor of horticulture. When I transferred to her department, I thought I would be learning so much, but this woman has no passion for teaching and is cynical about everything. She sucks the life and fun out of work. Luckily I enjoy working with my other coworkers, and everybody likes me better than they do her.

    • Ms. ArmoredThirteen ( ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.ml ) 
      3·
      3 years ago

      I do this when I play MTG or board games with people. I’m not like professional MTG good or anything but it is the kind of complex system I tend to do really well in. I want to have fun too though so a lot of times I end up trying to control the board in a way to make my opponent think about specific challenges to overcome to defeat me. Gives me something to do that isn’t obliterating them and they get to have an engaging game out of it too

        • Ms. ArmoredThirteen ( ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.ml ) 
          2·
          3 years ago

          I’d say it depends who I’m against but overall yeah. There’s always something to be learning in that game and if someone completely new to the game finds a novel way around a challenge than I’ll tuck that away in my toolbelt as well. I also have to know some really obscure parts of how things work together to orchestrate the kind of board state I’m talking about so lots of research goes into it.

          I actually do this mostly as a way to learn about new people; see how they approach problem solving and how they socially interact with me (MTG is a space I’m comfortable in so I end up talking way more than usual during play); but I have a couple close friends we mostly try and out shitpost each other with ridiculous gameplay. And then sometimes, on a rare occasion if someone is rude to me, I can take off the training wheels and use my finely tuned bullshittery to make them pick up their ball and go home lol

  • naevaTheRat ( naevaTheRat@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) 
    37·
    3 years ago
    • vegan
    • soft spoken
    • patient
    • hands scarred/calloused from work
    • creases in face from smiling
    • casual manner/attire
    • walks around other earthlings on footpaths etc instead of through
    • puts their shopping trolley away, bonus if they round up others
    • mocks authority
    • is kind to children and listens to them seriously
    • LapGoat ( LapGoat@pawb.social ) 
      11·
      3 years ago

      i see your mocks authority and raise you an acab.

      these are good green flags. I see the flak youre getting from folks doing the whole “make fun of vegans on the internet” thing, and wanted to say that the vegans Ive met irl have been really chill folks that are willing to make sacrifices for a better society. idk why vegans get trashed on online for sharing the long list of pros for veganism, as if people don’t share opinions online all the time.

      personally, I’m on a reduce animal products in ways i can with an occasional “treat yo-self” day, but that’s mostly because ive lived a lot of my life being poor and havent always been able to select my own diet.

      excited for more lab grown options, and I love when vegan options exist because they are usually unique, delicious, and dont have dairy(am allergic).

      • naevaTheRat ( naevaTheRat@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) 
        5·
        3 years ago

        We’re all on our own journey. I spent 25 years eating, wearing, or otherwise using our fellow earthlings to various degrees before I realised I didn’t want to be someone who kills when I don’t have to.

        I am grateful for what kindness you practice and I hope you will continue to reflect on your relationship with earthlings.

      • naevaTheRat ( naevaTheRat@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) 
        28·
        3 years ago

        Of course, authority is a pretty fucked up concept as implemented in our society. It’s almost always nothing more than the threat of violence for not subsuming your own needs to the needs of another. The other usually claiming that privilege through nonsense like birthright, wealth, closeness to power structures or similar.

        Anyone who uses such a ridiculous thing is at best a fool. Calling out injustice and laughing at awful people is definitely a green flag.

        Consider say the difference between interacting with a cop and a firefighter. The cop claims authority, do what they say or be tortured into compliance. The firefighter has no authority and yet I’ll bet you trust everything they say a lot more than the cop and are far more willing to cooperate.

        • Shadow ( Shadow@lemmy.ca ) 
          6·
          3 years ago

          Mocking authority for me would be a red flag as it’s a sign of immaturity. The people in my life that do this are the ones that tend to be emotionally rash, and inability to control emotions is a huge red flag.

          However not just submitting to authority and being confident enough to stand up to it while being respectful, that’s a green flag.

          • naevaTheRat ( naevaTheRat@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) 
            9·
            3 years ago

            why respect someone who’s threatening you? That’s the implicit case with authority “bow to me or I will make you suffer”

            Who gains anything there except the authoritarian? Why do you want people to respect that?

            We get on with each other fine without it.

            • Shadow ( Shadow@lemmy.ca ) 
              2·
              3 years ago

              What do you gain from treating them with disrespect, other than escalation? Nobody likes being disrespected, regardless of whether or not they deserve / have earned that respect. By operating on a baseline of “give people the benefit of the doubt and treat them with respect by default” you open a world of constructive / logical discussion that would be closed if you were emotional.

              To me, mocking someone is a person’s way of saying “I don’t have a well thought out argument against X, so I’ll just give it a nickname and talk shit about it”.

              If you have to think of one person who is famous for mocking anyone / anything they don’t like, who would it be? For me, the first person that comes to mind is Trump. Is that someone who is worth modelling your behaviour after?

          • birdcat ( birdcat@lemmy.ml ) 
            3·
            3 years ago

            ability to reasonable and critical common sense thinking, when it’s against the hive mind of their surroundings – > greenest of all green flags 😉

            • Call me Lenny/Leni ( shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee ) BannedEnglish
              4·
              3 years ago

              I thought you meant in an antagonistic sense, like someone who gestures they’re at war with authority, especially in favor of doing anything and everything.

              Well if that’s what you mean, don’t we all mock people in authority at times? We do live in a memes culture after all. I commonly joke about how the police where I live are a family business, especially as they aren’t that great.

          • naevaTheRat ( naevaTheRat@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) 
            4·
            3 years ago

            I missed this.

            Violent thugs claim authority regardless of the source. The cops claim the law enables them to torture you into compliance, the gangs claim it by right of might.

            The reason is not relevant, laugh at them all (where doing so won’t get you killed).

            This doesn’t mean fuck rules or cooperation. If my friends and I play a board game we all agree to be bound by collective rules for the pursuit of some mutual fun. Of course nobody has authority in the same sense, anyone is free to say “I don’t think this rule is fun, can we change it?” or “I’m not having fun right now, I’m sorry but I’d like to stop playing”.

            I love people who help others, I just also love it when those helpful people burst out laughing when someone says “that’s Mr Bossman to you!”.

            As to your reply to other person, yeah a lot of people don’t respect authority and laugh at it. I think it’s a green flag. Some people kiss the ring and lick the boot. Those people scare me because I can’t think of any reason except that they dream of being over another.

          • naevaTheRat ( naevaTheRat@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) 
            6·
            3 years ago

            There’s a lot of writing on subtle details of sorts of authority and it’s a bit of a problem with language.

            You could say that you voluntarily grant the firefighter temporary authority in some circumstances or whatever but to avoid quibbling over language for essays let’s agree that there is a difference between someone imposing authority vs an individual deciding to believe someone should be listened to because of some domain expertise.

            • Droechai ( Droechai@lemm.ee ) 
              2·
              3 years ago

              It’s probably due to autism traits but “mocking authority” sounds like just mocking anyone relying on previous experience or education rather being able to justify their position in the situation at hand. Compare to the logical fallacy of “relying on authority”

              When it comes to fire safety, I don’t need to know exactly with sources why some areas need to be “fire cells” while other areas, similar in my eyes, doesn’t if the information comes from a fire fighter. I rely completely on his/her authority on the matter and doesn’t need any more evidence to let the fire fighter enforce those laws and regulations.

              Im guessing that in this context “authority” in the thread starter text is shorthand for “perceived authority by the enforcer without real and safe recourse for the person having authority enforced upon”?

              Since both the cop and fire fighter have means of legal repercussions if their authority is not followed I mean.

              • naevaTheRat ( naevaTheRat@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) 
                2·
                3 years ago

                I’m not sure I follow. For the purposes of my example the firefighter has no legal recourse if you don’t listen. They’re just random volunteers where I live.

                I don’t want to get too hung up on definitions because that’s counter productive I think. So what I’m talking about is that sometimes humans rely on power, real or perceived, in order to demand that others subsume their own desires and submit to those of the powerful.

                Examples are police and other violent gangs - do what I say or I shoot you, capitalists - work for me or I will starve you, shitty parents - do what I say or I will hurt you.

                I am calling that authority, notice that at no point is there consent from the person authority is being claimed over (it’s not consent if it’s coerced).

                On the other hand people sometimes agree to perform certain roles with each other, or to be bound by certain rules in order to undertake some endeavour. For example when I am teaching my niece science she agrees to solve the problems I ask her to solve, but there is no coercion here. She is free to say at any moment “no” and I am free to either withdraw my offer to teach, ask a different question, propose a break or whatever else. Similarly working groups might elect someone among them to manage a project, but this isn’t authority (as I have defined above) if they are free to relect a project manager, refuse directions or whatever.

                Various writers have waffled to varying extents trying to pin down specific definitions. I side with those who think it’s clearer to distinguish between the two social arrangements by not calling the second one authority.

                • Droechai ( Droechai@lemm.ee ) 
                  1·
                  3 years ago

                  Where I live the fire fighters are a professional force tasked with emergency tasks as well as enforcing compliance with fire safety regulations, as an example an association I work with had to pay a fine due to having some of the smoke detectors non functioning. Thats an authority I have no issue with, with goes back to the word “mocking” authority rather than “questioning” authority.

                  One sounds like the refusal of having another party authority over oneself, the latter implies a valuation if the authority is proper, fitting and reasonable or not.

    • yetAnotherUser ( yetAnotherUser@feddit.de ) 
      3·
      3 years ago

      What do you mean with

      walking around other earthlings on footpaths etc instead of through

      Is an earthling a human, an animal, a plant or subsets of those three? And what is walking through an earthling?

      I’m geniuenly curious, I have no idea what you mean.

        • Kayel ( Kayel@aussie.zone ) 
          1·
          3 years ago

          ikr, ITT, people getting mad they don’t fit into / agree with a strangers green flag list. The world is a wild place and I hope it’s not as hostile or absurd as I believe it is.

          • naevaTheRat ( naevaTheRat@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) 
            4·
            3 years ago

            The V word makes people go nuts because they know they ought to be.

            Notice how nobody is flipping out about my preference for people unfraid of getting their hands dirty, or imagine if I had written Buddhist. Would anyone have replied that it’s a red flag for them or written weird fantasies about anti Buddhist violence?

            It upsets people because we all know killing animals is wrong. It’s easy and it’s tasty though. We tell ourselves it’s ok because everyone else is, but then a vegan comes along and the illusion shatters.

      • LadyLikesSpiders ( LadyLikesSpiders@lemmy.ml ) 
        11·
        3 years ago

        I mean, I’d say that knowing not to overeat is probably a good thing, but I’m guessing you mean it from a vegan/vegetarian context, and I’m just gonna say No. No it does not mean that. In fact, veganism is something of a yellow flag for me. I’ve known vegans who were good people, but I’ve known a disproportionate amount who were insufferable, self-righteous pricks. I recognize there is a bias there in that there are probably vegans I met whose dietary lifestyle I’ve never known about, but that’s already besides the point. Veganism is not a green flag

        And if you didn’t meant that, then I really am curious as to what you meant by “unnecessarily”

          • LadyLikesSpiders ( LadyLikesSpiders@lemmy.ml ) 
            8·
            3 years ago

            If you go around yelling at people to put down the hamburger, people are gonna tell you to mind your own business. That’s why people think vegans are insufferable. The ones who don’t do this, you never know they’re vegans because they mind their own business. Really fucks with the numbers, so I’ll clarify and say that someone who makes it a point to steer a conversation to how they’re vegan is a yellow flag. Veganism itself is not at all a problem

            I welcome a world in which factory farms are gone. The amount of actual cruelty needed to sustain our population and capitalist demand is insane and depressing, but we are nowhere near winning that fight with boycotting animal products, and we never will. It won’t make a difference. The improvement of substitute meat with systemic and legislative change will do that, and that’s what we need to push for

            So yeah, I’m not offended because a vegan told me not to eat a hamburger. I’m annoyed because a vegan went out of their way to steer the conversation towards their own moral superiority

            So I’ll apologize for having reacted so defensively, but I don’t think that eating meat and having empathy for animals is mutually exclusive. It sure just seemed to me like you were telling me that veganism should be a green flag for me, and it just really isn’t. It’s whatever. If I find out a person is a vegan, I’m not gonna be more attracted to them; I’ll just now know not to offer them a chicken nugget

              • LadyLikesSpiders ( LadyLikesSpiders@lemmy.ml ) 
                3·
                3 years ago

                Alright well my point is nobody asked you. Without massive legislative and systemic changes, and improvements on meat substitutes, you’ll never end factory farms. Not enough people will ever care to put down the hamburger, no matter how annoying you are about it, in order for a consumer’s wallet vote to make a difference in the industry. You can sit up there on your high horse, talking about how only vegans actually have empathy, while people roll their eyes at you fulfilling the stereotypes that discredit veganism. By all means, be a vegan. I fully support that. I even encourage it, but that is a lifestyle choice you make for yourself. I don’t believe the efforts of veganism are at all effective, and capitalism, horrendous though it is, has successfully alienated me from my food source that I am able to still have empathy and love for animals while consuming meat. The cow I eat was gonna die anyway

                You’re not some moral paragon; You’re proving exactly why veganism is a yellow flag for me

        • beSyl ( beSyl@slrpnk.net ) 
          8·
          3 years ago

          Why would veganism be a yellow flag?

          Veganism is caring for the well being of animals… Veganism is definitely a green flag. Being insufferable is a red flag.

          It seems to me you are the one being insufferable. Just because you are not vegan and like eating aninals, you see those who do otherwise as insufferable and self righteous picks and even see veganism as a yellow flag.

          PS. I am not vegan.

          • LadyLikesSpiders ( LadyLikesSpiders@lemmy.ml ) 
            5·
            3 years ago

            No, I see vegans who think they’re better than everyone else by virtue of their veganism as insufferable. I’ve no issue with vegans who keep to themselves I would welcome a world of impossible meat should we get to that point and encourage a switch to more sustainable diets as allowed by our infrastructure, but we’re simply not there

            Vegans are a yellow flag to me because most of the times, when someone comes up to me unprompted to talk about how eating animals is bad, they’re assholes about it. I was approached here, unprompted, in my comment about liking animals in a post about green flags. If their veganism comes up when I offer food and they just say they don’t eat that, that’s no problem. That’s why it’s a yellow flag. Veganism isn’t bad, it just has a bunch of annoying pricks in it that make 'em all look bad

            So yeah, just to be clear, I do not oppose veganism. Veganism is a yellow flag because very often they bring it up out of the blue just to get on their high horse

            • Omega_Haxors ( Omega_Haxors@lemmy.ml ) Banned
              3·
              3 years ago

              Veganism sucks because it’s libshit, consumer-side choices which don’t meaningfully impact the world but if you point that point up they freak out because of all the personal sacrifices they made have just been invalidated. They also have a tendency to scream down indigenous people for eating their traditional diets which is just another case of white people thinking they’re more moral than everyone else even though all they are is guilty as fuck for upholding systems of oppression.

              Case in point, how many vegens have you seen pressuring their government to stop meat subsidies? Zero. It would have severe impacts on meat consumption but they’re never going to do it because the point was never to make change, only to wash their hands of moral guilt.

              • not_amm ( not_amm@beehaw.org ) 
                5·
                3 years ago

                Not all vegans are white people, which is very important because there are indigenous people who are vegan, Latinamerican, African and from many other places of origin, and many other non-white people who are vegan.

                It looks like you haven’t even researched about this, since many vegans in Europe have been protesting and asking to end meat and dairy subsidies.

                Please research before spreading hate towards a philosophy you don’t know anything about.

              • LadyLikesSpiders ( LadyLikesSpiders@lemmy.ml ) 
                1·
                3 years ago

                Agree for sure, but in the spirit of fairness, I suppose I should clarify that when I say “vegan” I’m specifically referring to exactly the kind of person you mentioned. Though I don’t know any, I’m sure there must be vegan organizations out there that DO push for systemic change, and that they remain largely unseen by non-vegans because they don’t make it anyone else’s problem. This goes for any vegan. You only know about the ones who are loud about it. I mentioned my bias in the comment, and I just wanna make sure it’s pointed out because I’ve had to clarify, like, 30 times already 😅

                But yeah, I’m with you on this. veganism gets used so much simply for moral grandstanding without the chance for any counter examples that any time someone mentions they’re vegan, unless it’s in some explicit context, I have to brace myself for dealing with someone who acts like they’re the pinnacle of morality

        • tkc ( tkc@feddit.uk ) 
          2·
          3 years ago

          For you. Red/yellow/green flags can be entirely subjective, and what’s yellow for you can be green for someone else.

          • LadyLikesSpiders ( LadyLikesSpiders@lemmy.ml ) 
            2·
            3 years ago

            Completely agree. It’s a yellow flag for me. Veganism is also not a core component of empathy towards animals, but if someone comes into my comment about the subjective colors of my flags to tell me what should be a part of green flags, I’m gonna hold my position. This was my comment

            Although perhaps I reacted to defensively. Maybe I mistook the intention of the other commenter, so to clarify I will say that I do not think that veganism/vegetarianism is required to be an animal lover, but I do not think that veganism in itself is a bad thing, only that someone being a vegan is not some kind of go-ahead that attracts me

  • Helix 🧬 ( Helix@feddit.de ) English
    30·
    3 years ago

    Only kicks upwards, not downwards. Has a backbone and principles. Doesn’t value money over meaning. Likes to teach people instead of putting oneself over them.

  • 31415926535 ( 31415926535@lemm.ee ) 
    28·
    3 years ago

    They’re self aware. Understand the difference between subjectivity and objectivity. When they encounter someone different, they don’t judge, see it as a learning opportunity. Put thought into their words. If you ask them a question, you can see them carefully thinking about it.