Millennial here, graduated college in early 2010s and my college buddies and I have always been comfortable with each other. We’ve always hug, always say we love each other, have been comfortable crying with each other. Just open with each other. My wife says she’s never met a group of guys that do this so naturally. I know it’s not normal but I’m glad it’s normal for me 🤷🏽‍♂️

I’ve found that while more casual affection might get you teased, most guys will absolutely be ok with and appreciate more serious moments. You need to be the one to break that barrier more often than not, but once you do, they tend to reciprocate since they now know you’re ‘safe’ and won’t judge them for it. I wouldn’t say my male friend group is super affectionate, but we’ve all hugged, cried together, told each other how much we care for each other, etc. And it’s not too infrequent either, but probably not as often as we should.

Kissing

Totally get it, we are similar age and environment. I was fortunate to grow up around a lot of amazing people who were affectionate. I have different pockets of friends so like most things you have to adjust to what others are comfortable with; I have raised my kids as huggers and my my favorite people in the world, male or female, share the trait of being affectionate - I don’t think it’s a coincidence. It’s worth pushing outside of your comfort zone, no matter what any of us say I really believe we all thrive on contact and positive reinforcement.

I have a lot of video (sans audio) that covers my grandma from a baby all the way up to her college years. Approx. 1931 - mid 1950’s in Chicago. Actually used it for a multimedia installation that ended up being my thesis. While there were some clips of kids playing, my grandma doing cartwheels, they mostly used the video camera to take what we now call live-photos. Everyone was gathered as if for a picture, but they would wave, smile, and kiss on the lips (or sometimes cheek). Everyone kissing everyone, my granduncle kissing his buddies, his sister, aunts n’ uncles.

It’s so odd that all that affection is lost on modern male Americans. I was lucky enough to be apart of a southern-baptist-esque church community that was super affectionate, and while I have lots of negative and complicated feelings about Christianity and those times (I’m now Buddhist), that was something that was very powerful for me. Hugging many people I didn’t know, but knew cared for me.

A pat on the ass seems way more “friendly” than a hug. Maybe that’s just me. If they’re comfortable with that, it’s kind of funny a hug is where they draw the line.

Tough for me to speak to your generation’s experience though. I’m a late 20s male, also grew up in the southeastern US in a rural area.

Never had a problem hugging my male friends or telling them I love them. Hell, we still do that in a rough “redneck” bar without hesitation, and I’ve never heard a comment or received a funny look.

Hell, most of the rough-around-the-edges men at those same places also hug their friends, give them a pat on the back when they’re proud, or respectfully listen to them when serious shit is going on. All age ranges too.

Like others have said, most men are accepting of those gestures from friends. You may get the occasional teasing, but that’s out of love and respect, not meant to be mocking or degrading.

It depends on the friend, with some we hug, others we just say slurs and slanders to each other.

I had one of my best friends tell me he loved me and hugged me at a truck stop, it was crazy, I’m older and a lot of guys my age do not act like we have feelings, so it was intense.

41m here, I hug. I’m a hugger. Not all other people want the hug, you tend to figure out who does and doesn’t.

Wow, this thread is making me question some things. I am 58. I hug hello to close friends. That is the only physical contact I have with male friends. No hand holding or kissing or any display of affecting. I have never patted a guy on the butt.

I hug my male friends.

Full disclosure, I’m bisexual, but that doesn’t really have any bearing on my male friendships. Generally, I treat my male friends the same way as female friends that I love, with a good hug and then ask them about what they have been up to and what the latest is in their family :)

A decent blend of my friends are queer, but I also have straight friends that are also huggy like that. I do tell my friends I love them, and we all know each other well enough that they know what I mean by that, hahah. That whole "men can’t hug/cry/snuggle thing is such horseshit, haha. Men are people too, and my sexuality made me realize that men and women are almost identical, just approaching problems in different ways, and social structures being slightly different (men usually need an activity/something to hold in their hands when socializing. This can be a ball, a drink, a paddle, a gun, a game controller, a bucket of KFC, etc.)

You ever notice how some men completely melt when they play with dogs? Or how some men are only snuggly with women? They can also be that way with other guys, it really just comes down to shyness and the perception that it might be interpreted as gay. Which it’s not, lol. Honestly, you look at other cultures where it’s not a thing to be so painfully uptight and macho and you start to wonder how we ever even got here. It’s so much easier to just chill and not give a fuck, since nobody walking by really cares. :)

Hugs and words.

We are conditioned by our patriarchal society that the only appropriate emotion for men to express is anger. In order to break this stigma, you must have the will and the courage to spurn that conditioning and be the change yourself. Express your feelings, hug your friends. Read anti-patriarchal literature, like The Will to Change by bell hooks.