I have ADHD diagnosed in my 30’s, and can’t seem to remember names even seconds after they are said. Sometimes I try so hard that I can’t follow the conversation because I’m focusing on repeating their name over and over so I don’t forget.
Inevitably I focus back on the conversation and the person’s name is lost.
Texting their name to me tends to work, but others tend to find this odd/annoying/off-putting if I halt an organic conversation to text myself their name. And can even find it quite disrespectful.
So, Title: Have any of you “cracked” how to remember names in active conversation?
No, but I find its helpful to tell the person honestly that youre bad at remembering, and to say it a few times.
Also i started a note file on my phone where i jot names soon as i can. Just started doing this in my new building.
I write their name and a quick descriptor. It has worked ok so far.
I do the notes thing and when I’m done talking to them I refer to my notes and think of their face, that solidifies it for me pretty good.
When I have a paper notebook on me, I love drawing out a map of names of people in the room, with their name in the place I first had a conversation with them (and maybe again if we moved). Helps a lot with being able to check again easily if I forget, so I can remind myself without having to ask.
But I also agree that learning to be OK with asking is the BIGGEST strategy here. Almost everyone I bring this up with says they’re also terrible with names (maybe 2% are amazing at names?). It’s fine. I say “Can you remind me your name?” so so often and it’s actually fine.
Best I can do is say their name back to them, it works some of the time, but I dont generally remember to do it.
Same technique for me, same results too.
Ah, I do this sometimes and it seems to stick with some people and not others. Maybe how engaged I am with them at the time?
My personal strategy is to associate their name as fast as possible to information about them in my mind. Maybe try and slip in a few tangent questions about what I know about them so far and use their names a couple of times in the conversation. The rationale is that memory is that huge network and that if the information isn’t attached to anything it just falls off. Even if it doesn’t work absolutely every time, it’s a good attitude to adopt anyways.
This works pretty well for me. Even if it’s something simple like words it rhymes with or sounds like.
Nope.
I will simply never refer to that person by name ever again.
I’ve not cracked it in any way that’s helpful as it’s super situational. I find that when other people say a persons name, I have a better chance of remembering it. Like at the dog daycare I take my dog to, I’ve slowly learned the staff’s names from hearing other staff members talk about them or mention them in some way.
Nope. Not worth feeling bad about and no need to crack it. If you want to text yourself their name that’s your preference, and if they find it disrespectful enough to hold it against you, it’s a sign they’re not going to be very accommodating anyways.
“I’m so sorry, I’m bad at remembering names” is all I need. And it also has the added benefit of weeding out people who wouldn’t be very accommodating.
I keep a few index cards and a pen in my pockets basically at all times. I think taking a note on paper is less off-putting - it’s clearer that what you’re doing is part of the conversation. Then the trick is to get in the habit of checking your notes.
I’m in my late 40’s and haven’t cracked it. I’ve gotten very good at pretending that I remember the face and name of the person talking to me, though.
One I also use are trying to find a place to say their name (As another commenter mentioned).
I have found that names that come up organically stick. Like a toddler that mine was playing with, I heard him say his name and it just stuck, no effort required. So the ability to remember them is there, but the situation in which it is remembered is transient 🤔
Truthfully? It’s not a thing i think can be easily mastered for some people. Myself, i just try not to be embarrassed and just be honest i am bad with names from the beginning.
“I’m so sorry, im so bad with names, i may have to ask you a few times!” And even in professional work i have luckily had no one be unreasonable about it.
I understand that’s probably area specific, but i also learned my family made a bigger deal about it than really matters professionally, and that confidence, even when you have memory issues, seems to help smooth over things.
It also took being homeless and being unable to focus because of that, it was learn to laugh it off and make it known to those around me i wasnt going to be shamed or anxious about my own mistakes. (Even if i am a lot behind my mask, i do my best not to show it).