For a lot of people a romantic relationship is a relationship that is just really close and intimate, someone they trust and can talk to and who will support them and the sex is just a way that they share that love they have with each other.

Some people have those relationships without the sex, some people have sex without those relationships.

None of it is really right or wrong. You might be asexual, demisexual, aromantic, you might not have met the person you want to have an intimate relationship with, all of those are fine and valid.

Be yourself, love yourself. ❤️

People value different types of relationships in their own unique ways. Some people value friendships over romance and that’s fine. Maybe it’s tiring to see people looking for romance but if that’s what they need to feel fulfilled, so be it. It doesn’t have to matter to you for it to be valid. Same way that someone can see this post and say “so what?”

If you don’t value it in your life, that’s fine. But its also fine for other people on lemmy to talk about it if it brings them joy. No reason to participate in love life discussions if you dont care about it, but don’t rain on others’ parade. If you relate to being aro/ace then at least you know what to research about! There’s no rigid guidelines for what counts as being aro/ace anyway, since sexuality is a complex topic.

Whether or not you’re ace is only something you can determine. I can only tell you that my own sexuality is…weird.

I personally have issues connecting emotionally with other people. I can feel just fine, but there seems to be an invisible wall between what I feel and how I process my emotions and other human beings. I can show compassion and sympathy and empathy, but it’s purely performative: I don’t feel these things for others.

No amount of therapy has ever been able to fix this. That part of my brain just…doesn’t work that way.

But I still experience attraction. I still want someone to share my life with, romantically. I still like sex, a lot.

Romance, for me, is just finding out what behaviors my partner recognizes as me caring for them and then modeling those behaviors. It can sometimes be a strange cognitive dissonance to have someone who says how loved I make them feel and yet my attachment to them, such as it is, is pure intellectual and sexual, no emotional component at all.

Anyway, sorry for the word vomit, I guess all that was just to say that there’s nothing wrong with not fitting any of the existing labels 100%. Labels are just descriptors, and their only value is in communicating a shared experience to others. If they fit, they fit. If they don’t, no worries. You’re you, and that’s okay.

I think the answer to “am I asexual/aromantic?” is one you gotta answer yourself. But from the sound of it, you’d definitely be in good company with us.

More specifically, I think words like that are best used as descriptors when you’re trying to communicate your deal to other people — if they’re useful descriptors, go ahead and use them. If they’re not, then toss em.

And then the labels are useful for finding people with similar experiences, so that you can hang out with them.

I have a short laundry list of labels and “diagnoses” I don’t care about making official in any kind of capacity because that’s not the point, the point is finding the people I can relate to and the ways of approaching the world that work for them, because often those things work for me too if I try them out. In the context of ace people, it’s taught me that it’s actually viable, and a thing that’s valid to want, to have a relationship where sex is not an important focus, and it’s helped me reorient myself towards close friendships as I’m getting over my last very bad long term relationship.

My closest friend is my romance partner. There’s lots of types of intimacy you can enjoy and you can do them with one person or lots.

If you feel one of the romance spectrum suitd you know, wear it with pride. If how you feel about it changes just go with it.

There’s no real strict definition for what is aro/ace, I wouldn’t agonize over it. I think what’s important is deciding for yourself whether or not those labels give you any sort of comfort.

‘Having a close friend you can trust’ definitely sounds like what many people would call intimacy (romantic or not,) but that might differ from your experiences.

Me personally: Sex is great and fun, but I can go without. Emotional intimacy is what makes a relationship feel profound to me. Having someone I trust to bare myself to, emotionally and physically - that’s what I want out of love.

There’s no right or wrong answer.

Nobody on lemmy has felt human touch for years.

Everyone has their own definition of love. For me it’s about what you say: A close friend that you trust. And that’s exactly who my boyfriend is. He’s my best friend, I help him out, he helps me out and we both trust each other. Occasionally we have sex, but that’s not a huge fixture of our relationship, it’s fun for 15 minutes every week, but that’s around 0.5% of our total time together. Hanging out and playing games and doing chores is the other 99.5% of our lives together.

Romance is great! I just finished cuddling with my life partner of 12 years and was reflecting on how much I love their touch just as much as I always have.

That’s not to say it’s everything or the best thing in the world, but it is a nice thing.

I’m asexual and deeply grateful to not feel compelled to spend time, energy or money thinking about or seeking sex. It’s truly alien to me but not in a “sounds interesting to try!” way.

Sometimes romance can just be to much. I have a friend with benefits and we are both happy with it