I met the author… a guy who wrote the script for one of the pictured movies. He was doing stand-up comedy on a cruise ship. He said yes, they are all terrible, but there’s a certain audience for them and they’re quite profitable.
He said I want you to think of me when you’re forced to watch one of these. I want you to know who is responsible, and that I’m very sorry.
They probably cost next to nothing to produce, so even a small audience will make them profitable.
I wonder, if you could just cycle through the same 5 movies without anyone noticing.
They have two movies that are the same exact movie but told through two different main characters point of view. Same scenes and everything.
It’s actually an interesting idea on paper. And Hallmark is probably the perfect way to do something like that.
Hallmark red and hallmark blue. There are certain characters you can only get through trading with someone who watched the other film
The idea worked out pretty well in “To every you I’ve loved before” and “To me, the one who loved you”.
I somehow doubt Hallmark did quite as good a job of it.
They are definitely lower budget than ‘normal’ movies. But even as a low budget it still requires all the same production staff, camera, sound, editor, crew park staff, food services, wranglers, casting etc. The cheap part is unknown actors and not a lot of travel. Source: my wife has done background work on many movies and TV shows. As background they get paid to sit until call time. so scene maybe half hour, but all the background people waiting get a full hourly pay and all the food you want while waiting. You will notice on hallmark they zoom in tight so background is barely visible, this helps not having a large set of background people. in one movie at the mall they had my wife shopping and walking back and forth. it works for the scene but if you watched it closely you would notice the same lady in every scene carrying different boxes or bags.
Who was he?
Wow, that’s brutal. “I want you to know who did this to you!”
Just once I want a man in a red sweater and a woman in a green dress [sobs].
Now that would be innovative!!
This desire is actually what started feminism. Trust me bro
Here’s a script idea:
Suzy Citygirl has to plan the perfect Christmas pageant or Bernard Bigbiz will fire her from her job at the Joyless Inc. Little does she know when she gets sent to Tinytown, Vermont on business she’ll meet Matty McSmall town. He owns the struggling local tinsel factory and needs to sell enough tinsel by Christmas or else his grandma won’t be allowed to have the surgery she needs to remove the tumor from her holiday spirt gland. Matty is also single dad that was widowed by a freak tinsel lathing accident and the little girl loves Sally Citygirl from the beginning and secretly helps her dad see past his pain.
With minutes to spare in the Christmas pageant/tumor deadline Suzy convinces Mr. Bigbiz to buy enough tinsel to save the Christmas pageant AND remove grandma’s tumor! But after throwing the perfect pageant she realizes Mr. Bigbiz is a terrible boss, and moves to Tinytown permanently. She falls in love with Matty, and gets a job at his tinsel factory. With her big business skills the struggling tinsel factory grows three sizes that day.
Mr. Bigbiz is ruined. He realizes the error of his ways and comes to Vermont to apologize. Now he too works at the tinsel factory, and loves life now. But don’t forget, throughout the movie the cast interacts with lovable bearded old man who may or may not be Santa, because wtf, why not?
I live in a small town in Vermont, my girlfriend grew up here but moved away to New York City and has recently returned. She hates Christmas and I love it. Ive been trying to get her into the Christmas spirit. We were picking a Christmas tree when i realized we’re literally following the plot of these stupid movies and i now i keep mentioning how i need her big city business skills to help save my Christmas themed bakery
When she finally starts to get it, that’s when Santa becomes real.
main character
They look a lot like the identikit romance books my mum would read. Even she didn’t know which one’s she’d read before. Be like three quarters of the way in and then go “oh, I’ve read this”.
Pretty sure ChatGPT could create those things by now, such is the limitless array of imagination on offer within.
Not trying to be racist but it’s almost always a man and a woman who are both White - and probably a Black side character if they are feeling generous.
Hollywood’s (meaning movie and TV producers in general) default is white and straight.
The hetero norm is changing slowly, but the white norm is still very much a thing. Typically for a movie to feature a predominantly POC cast, it’s directed by a POC and listed as a POC movie, rather than just… well, a movie.
If they do have an interracial couple it’s always a black man with a white woman. Never the other way around.
Santa Claus is my favorite pale male.
Fast and furious XV: The return of Naruto
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We used to call it Schlock not sure if that term is still used
When you have that almost perfect Stable Diffusion prompt and you’re trying to figure out what you have to change to get it that last little bit.
That’s their trademark, as soon as you see it you know it’s a Hallmark romantic, cheesy, family movie.
That would be the worst movie marathon ever!!
It could be interesting to cut all the movies into even pieces making one movie with the average runtime of all of them and see if it’s cohesive.
Those who love this kitschy schlock think it’s innovative.
Pop and stadium country are no different.
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I assume this was the same for the Harlequin Romance Novels too? I knew a few women over the years that had a bunch of these books. They seemed to digest them like monthly magazines.
In some ways it’s sort of a business dream to be able to keep repacking the same nuts and bolts to make something slightly different for consumers who will keep paying. It’s pretty efficient.
Still I’ve not read a Harlequin Romance nor have I seen a Hallmark movie. This doesn’t mean I’ve not seen all of the Star Wars movies or a good majority of the Marvel ones.
“In some ways it’s sort of a business dream to be able to keep repacking the same nuts and bolts to make something slightly different for consumers who will keep paying. It’s pretty efficient.”
Madden. FIFA. Call of Duty.
At this point, Ubisoft and Bethesda games can be thrown in too.
LitRPGs are like that, too.
Swing sword. Cast spell. Numbers go up. Defeat dragon. Complete quest. Numbers go up. Dungeon dive. Cool loot. Numbers go up.
I love them. I’ve read four this week.
To be fair, there are only 7 basic plots that exist
This is super cool had no idea about this! Thank you
Friend of mine’s dad used to write some Mills and Boon ones, which is the UK equivalent I suppose. We all found it hilarious. Had to sign up for one the ‘8 pre-approved plots’ in advance, and then got paid about a penny a word. You need to be properly cranking out text to even reach minimum wage - it would be easier to work stocking the shelves at a supermarket, quite frankly. But yeah, not an environment that fosters innovation.
these are targeted at boomers who are already programmed to feel guilty about about any decision that effects profit margins.
“Capitalism breeds innovation” =/= “Capitalism eliminates copying”
If capitalism didn’t eliminate copying, then my movie downloading experience would be much easier.
