I’ve realized that I’m very mentally weak and it’s impacting my success.
I suspect I have ADHD and whenever I get an urge to distract myself, I rarely manage to resist it.
I think what I am missing is the residtance to discomfort that eg. allows sports people to carry on going even when their muscles are telling them to stop. Or the thing that allows people to defy themselves and step into an ice-cold shower.
Unfortunately I am not a person who enjoys sports and a cold shower is only something that makes sense once a day. Can you think of any exercises that I can do here and now in my room, and practice routinely that will strengthen my willpower so that I can better resist my urges in the future?
When you notice yourself not wanting to do something you know you should do, do it anyways. For me, it started with taking the stairs instead of the elevator at work. Snowball it from there. That’s really the only way, there aren’t shortcuts.
In my head i call it the “Rule of least want to do”. If i have 2-3 tasks that need doing (ususlly work related), i think of which thing i least want to do. That’s the thing i get done, then move down the line.
Ah brilliant, this is precisely what I was looking for!
Yeah that’s basically the concept/book Eat that Frog. Basically if you Eat a Frog or do you least liked task first thing in the morning it makes everything else easier and not so bad.
There is some good advice in this thread, but if you do have ADHD, then the advice is only as good as your ability to carry it out, and saying “just do the thing” will only end up demoralising you.
From my perspective (42, diagnosed with ADHD four years ago), it’s been damn near impossible for me to noticeably improve myself. It’s only when I reflect on my progress that I begin to notice positive changes.
Ultimately, it’s about training your perspective on a task. Are you failing to do things, or are you choosing to prioritise other tasks instead. Do those other tasks have positive outcomes (however tenuous they may be)? If this is the case, then you could work on choosing to prioritise the tasks that are expected of you.
In terms of my working day, my job is an issue for me, as it doesn’t really have a set form, and is almost entirely self-led. If I don’t do what’s expected of me, no one really notices, and that’s actually a problem for me, because left to my own devices I’ll gladly spend all day fucking about online, then feel like shit because I’ve not been productive*. So I’ve learned to tackle this by physically writing myself a To Do list first thing in the morning, that I then input into a daily timetable spreadsheet. Then I use an app called Cold Turkey to block access to websites of my choosing for a period of time. Only then am I able to focus on the tasks at hand.
In time, your brain will (hopefully) begin to mould itself around a different way of being, and while it will not likely become second nature to you, it will become easier to recognise when your distraction has taken control.
*of course, almost all of the problems we face are as a result of being forced to exist in a capitalist society, where we’re all trained to assign our personal worth to the worth of the work we produce. If we neurodivergents were able to live outside that paradigm, we’d be fine.
Thank you for posting this OP, and thank you for your reply to OP!
I literally just got back from my therapist (3rd visit) and he basically said the same stuff you’re saying about neurodivergence of this kind only becoming a problem when we’re forced to follow the rules of an artificial construct we call “modern civilization.” Thanks for your post. I’ve long suspected I could have ADHD (was diagnosed with ADD as a child) , but of course, ADD doesn’t really exist, and I suppose the research on things like this was more or less in its infancy, so I took prescrived children’s speed for a while, it made me worse. Yes, Ritalin is methamphetamine, and anyway. I started therapy to work on identifying my problems and I never mentioned ADHD, but he said all my complaints about my own behavior points towards it. My job is in the food service industry and it has been for many years, so the chaos of that could have masked some of the stronger “symptoms”, and I imagine if I had an open ended career I would be in trouble with my lack of focus and constant procrastination.
Do you mind giving me more details on how you do your to-do list and the table? I would like to try something like it because I think it might help.
Thanks again for your reply to OP. and thanks again to OP for the post and hang in there. Adaptability is humanities greatest strength…
90% of willpower is preparation. Arrange your life to make the things you should do easier and the things you should avoid less convenient.
Example: To avoid sleeping in, or worse, dicking around on my phone instead of sleeping or getting up, I put my phone to charge on the other side of the bedroom.
Another: I put a speaker in my kitchen to listen to music when I wash dishes. A lot easier to wash just those last few pots, even if I feel like I’m ready for a break, if I want to finish the song.
Yeah I have been trying to do this and it has helped with my productivity. The problem is, it might make it easier for you to do but that is precisely because you are minimising the amount of willpower you have to use to get those things done. Which I think os what’s keeping me weak
Two comments.
- I would try and avoid negative self talk (weak) as it can really just reenforce guilt/shame. The classic example I learned in therapy was should statements. When you think/say I should have… It can bring alot of negativity but it’s usually easy to change it to a could or would statement. I would have or could have xyz. Would/could can be a slippery slope to excuse/procrastinate things but it’s okay to legitimately give your self a break when the circumstances warrant it. Brains need downtime, you don’t have to be filling 100% of your day
- doing prep work isn’t cheapening your willpower as long as your consistent and apply it to everything and not just the easy things. Another trick I learned is to try and break a task down into the smallest step you can do to make progress. Step one could literally be get a pad of paper, or change into work out clothes. It makes taking the next step easier and also is kinda like “Well I already have the pen and paper I might as well get writing” or “I’m changed so I might as well do something” even if it’s just a walk or jog. But again the key is consistentcy.
Oh thats a good point, turning a ‘should have’ into a ‘could have’ actually sounds really empowering because it must remove some of the guilt. And the taking the smallest step strategy sounds really helpful too – it reminds me of the concept of ‘non-zero days’ I read about a while back that I really have found effective
I would say first and foremost be kind to yourself, @SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml. Strengthening your willpower begins with good self-care techniques. Set regular, realistic, and achievable goals and when you achieve them, do something positive for yourself. Too often we are our own worst enemies and by beating yourself up you actually make it harder to achieve what you really want. This is something I struggle with even though I do not have ADHD. Will-power comes not from negative reinforcement but from the positive kind. 😀
Thanks for this reminder, you’re right it’s really easy to start blaming yourself for failing at things that it’s not your fault you’re failing at
For me, it’s 100% about positive self talk and mini goals. Instead of trying to motivate myself to run 5 miles, it’s one 100ft section at a time. Fix a goal I can see, then run there and give myself a mental high five for getting there. Then do it again one more time. And then one more time and on and on til I get to the end.
In most cases it is not a lack of willpower but rather an exhaustion of the same. Try to arrange your daily routine around things you WANT to do and limit the things that burn attention and mental energy (doom-scrolling social media, ….).
It’s all about managing your (dopamine) resources economically.
Start with something small that you don’t like doing and then do it anyways. You could try things like the 10min rule (do the thing but only for 10min) which makes it easier to fit it in and also “its just for 10min” can be a powerful way to trick your mind.
When I say small, I mean real small. The last thing you want to do is set a medium sized goal and fail at it. That will just demoralize you further. Try putting skittles or a small candy that you like in a bowl in a high foot traffic area. You will be tempted to take some everytime you walk by, but DON’T!! each time you walk by its you building more and more discipline and willpower.
Also don’t beat yourself up if you fail. Harder said than done, but the phrase “be hard on problems and soft on people” also applies to yourself. Hold yourself accountable but also be kind to yourself in moments of weakness.
Other mentioned prep and I agree. Willpower and discipline are more abundant when you’re well rested and not hungry. So if its weight loss you’re working on, then don’t grocery shop hungry. If its working out, then make sure you’re getting your rest.
Its never going to be a constant series of wins, there will be losses and moments of weakness, its part of the process and you just brush yourself off, reset, take any lessons from the loss, get back into it.
You’ve got this.
You could try things like the 10min rule
That 10 minute rule is phenomenal. I’ll be stood there looking at the kitchen full of washing up from dinner, wanting to just go to bed, but I’ll set a ten minute timer on Alexa and suddenly the kitchen is tidy before the alarm goes off. Works every damn time. And even if I’m still tidying when the timer finishes, I’ll just keep going.
As a side note: I’m also struggling with this. A lot of us in the comments are or were at some point. So my words are also for myself. So ya, We’ve got this.
A good morning routine is perfect for building momentum. I wake up at 6 AM and walk to my bathroom where I keep a bottle of water, as I am always thirsty in the morning. I brush my teeth, meditate, and engage in some light cardio, (literally something like 50 jumping jacks. It’s nothing too serious) Afterward, I take a warm shower, gradually lowering the temperature until it’s cold. Finally, I eat breakfast.
That’s a morning routine that works for me and is (mostly) copied from a Youtube video I watched on how to stay motivated. This is what works for me so I think it may be a good watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOEfDcGbbXo&t=362
Buy yourself a pack of cigarettes.
Smoke one, I promise it will be disgusting. Later that day, will yourself outside to smoke another. Repeat 2 or 3 times a day until the pack is gone. Live this way and be addicted to nicotine for a year. After a year, do it in reverse and quit.
Afterwards, you’ll be able to will anything into reality.
Close this tab right now and promise yourself never come back to see if someone gave you an easy answer…
Trouble is, many of the techniques here are easy. But if you have ADHD, sticking to them is damn near impossible.
This is exactly what you said. Workout and cold showers.
Even if a cold shower is once a day, it is enough. Willpower is like a muscle, you don’t have to exert it constantly, but regularly.
As for working out, you don’t have to like it, to make it. This is the hard pill to swallow, but struggling is part of it, at least in the beginning.
What I find helpful personally, is to watch a coaching video. You follow the moves of the vlogger at the same pace, and only pause when you can absolutely not take it anymore. I end up cursing at the video and hating my life on the spot.I recon that it helped me have more control on myself (like pain tolerance). But as for the ADHD you describe, I am not sure I saw any improvement personally.
Oh I see, do you still have athe link to the video you used? Also, do you know of any good resources about improving pain tolerance? I think that’s essenstially what I’m lacking atm.
This is kinda random advice and I dunno if it will help, but if you want to increase your pain tolerance try doing a polar bear swim. Just make sure you have someone with you, you have somewhere warm to retreat to a towels and fresh dry clothes and that you do it in a temperature tjat isn’t too overwhelmingly cold. Like 40 or 50 degrees probably is the limit for it if you have never done it before because if it is too cold you can go into shock and get hypothermia, but yeah. If you want to start slower just dunk your hand into a bucket of ice water. Over time you will get used to it and will be able to do it for longer periods.
Watch all of the Rocky movies 🥊
Hold in your poop for 3 days.