Adam: Hey Lilith, I’m in charge, god says so!
Lilith: Lol, no.
God: Actually, yes.
Lilith: Fuck that I’m gone.
Adam: Well, shit. Can you make me a more subservient breeder please Lord?
God: Yep.
Eve: Uhhh…
Adam: Hey Eve, I’m in charge, god says so!
Eve…right…
God: He is.
Eve…
Satan: Hey, Eve, you know the fruit on that tree that god told you would kill you if you ate it?
Eve: Yep.
Satan: It won’t. But what it will do is give you knowledge like science and the arts. But its totally your call if you choose to eat it.
Eve: Oh wow, nice!
Adam: WTF Eve!
Eve: Fine, don’t eat, stay dumb
Adam: OK, I’ll have some.
God: Even though I’m omniscient and omnipotent it somehow escaped me where you both were and what you were up to. Anyway, fruit = bad because knowledge like science and art is bad. Get out.Christians - Satan is clearly the bad guy here.
I hate the focus on us all being doomed by the forbidden fruit. The way I see it we’re all doomed because Adam couldn’t handle being a bottom. The path to paradise is under a domme.
Could be, sure. But the real question is, why did god make knowledge forbidden? I’ll quote Satan directly (via John Milton):
From their own mouths. All is not theirs it seems; One fatal tree there stands, of Knowledge called, Forbidden them to taste. Knowledge forbidden! Suspicious, reasonless. Why should their Lord Envy them that? can it be sin to know? Can it be death? and do they only stand By ignorance? is that their happy state, The proof of their obedience and their faith?
Also by the bibles logic, if my dad was a murderer, me and any of my children are also murderers and should be punished.
Well yeah. The two biggest threats to christianity are logic and compassion.
If youre allowed to think or feel for yourself it falls apart.
he’s such a cool guy, Im having seitan with him this afternoon
Satan doesn’t whisper
he whispered
Which is it?
Satan doesnt whisper the phrase “believe in me.” The phrase satan whispers is “believe in yourself.”
Edit: or change whispers for says.
Satan doesnt say, “believe in me.” He says, “believe in yourself.”
Mostly a dont dead open inside joke
Couldnt tell if that or ESL
Lightbringer meme
I guess one should doubt any convictions coming from the holy spirit because how can you be certain it’s not your own convictions. /s
The voices in my head just tell me to kill myself tbh
What an embarrassing thing to lend your name to.
It’s a simple message, and it comes from the heart 🎶
Technically, I’d say this is one of the few points Jesus and the Devil agree on, but they have wildly different organizations in mind in terms of “church” lmfao.
