…so, like what a partner is supposed to do?
I think the point of the article is that it’s supposed to be more mutual.
In these examples, one partner spends a ton of time and money on self help books, therapists etc to deal with things and the other partner simply uses them. Doesn’t sound like balanced/sustainable relationships.
I can understand that. But the solution seems to be more open with your partner about your needs. And if the other person is not willing to reciprocate, then it’s time for a new partner.
When I first read this article a few years ago I had very similar feelings to what I do today after a reread. Reflecting upon the content of the article and how the last few years have been for many, I don’t think a whole lot has changed yet. Then again, I don’t really participate in regular society anymore. I almost exclusively surround myself with unconventional people - queers, weirdos, artists, etc. and speaking about emotions is commonplace in these circles.
While I believe there is appropriate emphasis on deconstructing toxic masculinity and on creating safe spaces for men to share in and learn emotional intelligence through emotional communication, I think the fact that they need to be safe spaces rather than just a normal part of male society is precisely the problem. I suppose the safe spaces need to exist first, before society can push for this to be a normal part of male socialization. I also think that artist commentary is doing a great job of helping to deconstruct this, with popular programs showing this kind of behavior more often - men being emotionally vulnerable and having conversations about emotions. But that also might be a reflection of the kind of media I’m increasingly drawn towards, and not reflective of what hits the typical public eye.
My wife and I are so grateful that we learned a lot about emotional intelligence before we had our two boys. We are raising them to practice emotional intelligence with no shame. I was very fortunate to have a mother that talked to me about anything (thoughts, feelings, etc.).
Yes your partner should support you and vice versa however, it is important to have a social support system outside of this partnership as well. A lot of times you need someone you can talk to about your partner. Or there are unfortunate times where you lose your partner. And sometimes you partner is just not going to get you.
Very good article, thx.