Description: A five panel comic. In the first picture the main character leaves and a co-worker says “See ya, dude”. In the second panel, the protagonist is in a supermarket and the cashier says “Hey man.” In the third panel, the protagonist is on a train and someone on the phone says “Hello, sir.” In the fourth panel, the protagonist enters an apartment and says “I’ home.” and is welcomed by a woman who rushes towards her and says “THERE she is!” The two of them hug in the fifth panel, while the woman says “How’s my beautiful girlfriend doing??”
Art by Homunculus101
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So real. My wife is amazing and so supportive, I’m lucky to have her ❤️
I’m not out to everyone yet, and I feel bad she has to keep switching back to misgendering and deadnaming me whenever we go home to see family, I know it’s not easy
As someone on the other side of the same situation, I would say… well, I’d say don’t feel guilty, but I can’t really control how you feel. For me, at least, switching between gendering and mis-gendering my partner is no big deal (in terms of difficulty, of course I don’t enjoy mis-gendering her), and really it’s all worth it to see my girlfriend’s face light up when I call her my girlfriend in private. It’s not your fault that you live in a world where you can’t safely come out to everyone at the same time, so don’t worry about it :) I’m sure your wife really doesn’t mind the difficulty to keep you safe, and I’m glad you have that small bit of safety in her, if not elsewhere
It took a while for me to switch pronouns when my colleague transitioned. Up until that point I had been “hey man… man, listen… y’alright dude…” etc. (literally had no idea what they were going through until the day before)
I simply did not have that same banter vocabulary for girls, and I just had to learn to say “hey… listen… y’alright…”
The dynamic changed a bit for a week, but then it bounced back fine. I just wince at all the gender-affirming vernacular in my casual speech that must have burned them every time I said it
Hi all, not really a comment on this cartoon but a question if that’s ok, I often use guys and dude as gender neutral terms (interchangeable with folks for ex). Is that hurtful or misgendering, are those habits I should break? Ty
Varies from person to person. In general I wouldn’t worry about it too much, the way those are used is pretty gender neutral in general even though they can contextually be male. If you know you’re addressing a trans gal maybe make more of an effort for folks but I wouldn’t worry about it too much. If someone tells you it bothers them, then ya know, try not to. In general the litmus test for me is would it be a problem if they were cis? If not, then not a problem by default (if it bothers them, it’s an exception to account for)
Overall, I think it’s silly to be concerned over the use of guys and dudes instead of the tendency to treat everyone on the Internet as male.
The fact you want to be considerate puts you far ahead of the crowd!
I’m gonna go ahead and disagree with everybody else. I don’t like it. I generally don’t speak up for myself in real life, but it does bother me deeply. There’s no great solution, this is just my honest opinion that it makes me uncomfortable and I’m trying to not be this way but it does actually bother me.
Like. What do you even think this comic is trying to tell you? It’s EXACTLY like the comic, which is why it is highly upvoted.
Also, it is not gender neutral, it is more complicated than that and much more problematic. “You want to get fucked by ten dudes” is not gender neutral.
In the immortal words of Kel Mitchell, “I’m a dude, he’s a dude, she’s a dude, we’re all just dudes”. (Good Burger, 1997)
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Yes, I would sleep with a dude, dude-presenting, assigned dude at birth, transdude, or non-unary.
Edit: in principle. In reality I am in a long term monogamous relationship so I only sleep with my dude
Some people like dudes and that’s okay!
We could all do with a little reflection on the words from the Book of Kel (Mitchell). It isn’t prophecy, but it is accurate in a sense.
It depends.
Taking an honest look at your interactions, do you actually call cis women dudes? If so, I think that’s fine. But I’ve encountered more than one person who says they use those terms gender-neutrally, but never or rarely just genuinely them toward cis women, as opposed to men and trans women.
I actually do yeah… thanks for reply
I call everyone “bro” and “dude” but only in the passive or collective sense. I don’t say “my wife is a dude” but I do say “dude, what’s up?” to my wife. It’s just how I talk and she doesn’t care.
But also I refer to people how they want to be referred to.
Yeah pretty much same
I think there’s nothing to worry about, then! It’s cool that you asked here.
“dude” “man” “guy” etc arent gender neutral, its surprising to me that this is still something regularly asked in places (this isnt to say it is bad that you asked, more just an observation). just because something is the norm doesnt mean that it is correct or good. you arent going to walk up to some guy (and when i say this, you most likely think “man”) and say “hey gal whats up” so why is it then okay to walk up to a gal and be like “hey dude”. this “male as default” way of thinking is rooted in misogyny, and women are defined in the ways theyre “not men”, they are “other”. gender neutral = masculine because society views men and masculinity as the superior gender and gender expression. by using these terms as “gender neutral” terms you are reenforcing this way of thinking
That’s a great point, someone else made the same point here and it’s something I admittedly just missed. I appreciate you for sharing it, thanks!
I think you’re probably fine, it’s really common to use those words gender neutrally. If a trans woman asks you to not refer to her that way, then it would be considerate to stop, but until someone asks you, you’re good, imo
Thank you all for the replies and perspective, have a wonderful day!
felt, except I’m e-dating so my girlfriend is in my phone and on the other side of an e2ee, so I get her gender affirming messages during work sometimes.
I swear I am here for the wholesomeness and not because my egg is cracking 😭
🫂
I initially call everyone dude, but if I see even a modicum of discomfort when i say it I’ll change it up.
Can confirm, it be like that sometimes.
omg my gf sent me this pic yesterday :D
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