The fun part is when you are involved and it still happens
Well atp, it’s just genetics and hormones, which isn’t really her fault either lol
Long as it’s still the man’s fault for desiring intimacy, am I right or am I right ladies?
The assumption that it’s always a neglectful husband causing marital issues is incredibly demoralizing, especially when the response to “but what if it isn’t a neglectful husband” is this sort of thing. Just more reasons why the man is the one being unreasonable.
Look, no man is “owed” their wife’s affections or physical intimacy. But it is often an important piece of an adult romantic relationship, and it’s not unreasonable for a member of that relationship to have some feelings about things changing over time, or suddenly for that matter.
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Please reread the chain of comments. This is specifically about situations where there is respect, involvement with child rearing, and with household running/chores/etc.
But that’s impossible because men bad and women perfect and always the victim.
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“Physical intimacy is only sex nothing else, and men who want physical intimacy in an intimate relationship are the problem.”
- You.
If that’s your perspective, is anyone ever responsible for anything? Or is it all just genetics and hormones
What stupid take.
If your hormones tell you to punch someone you should be reasonable enough not to do it.
If your hormones make you not horny, you shouldn’t force yourself to have sex.
Those are two totally different things.
So it’s his fault or it’s not her fault?
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You need therapy, and probably to get out of the basement and interact with people outside
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You need some therapy. You divorced his dumb ass and you clearly have strong feelings about it still. Trauma is valid, but taking it out on an entire gender isn’t.
The entire point of this sub thread is “this still sometimes happens to guys who aren’t massive piles of shit”, and all of your responses amount to “No, you are all piles of shit! Only piles of shit ever feel this way, so by definition you’re a pile of shit!”
It’s some really disgusting circular logic. There are horrible assholes out there like you say. There’s way too many of them. But you keep making massive assumptions about the commenters here with no evidence whatsoever, then burning the assumptions at the stake as truth.
Just give it a rest. I’m truly sorry your ex was terrible, and it sounds like divorce was letting him off easy.
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This is some boomer shit
Specifically American boomer, and something that’s still going on. There was a thread here on lemmy a while ago that was about how american culture is very different from much of the world in terms of how much the father does in the things mentioned here. That a lot of the world have had it kinda even for many decades and some places even centuries.
When my daughter was born, my wife and I would take turns caring for her through the night. She pumped breast milk so I had access to food as needed on my nights, and she could breastfeed directly on her nights.
It soon became clear that our daughter preferred direct breastfeeding to the bottle, but I was much better at calming her and getting her back to sleep. The result was that I ended up covering my wife’s nights more frequently because she was otherwise at home with the baby all day while I was at work and felt like she needed the break. I was also “used” to sleep deprivation from the past years when I was working full-time while also going to college full-time, and she would stay home and watch TV, read, or paint.
I was constantly exhausted for the first 6 months, until she was mostly able to sleep through most nights. I would regularly apologize to my coworkers for my reduced cognitive ability because I didn’t get any sleep the previous night or two, and my boss would express how he didn’t understand how I was still vertical. Thankfully they were all very understanding and accommodating, and I was at least still able to get most of my work done to our standard of quality, albeit much more slowly than usual.
I didn’t have time, opportunity, or energy to even consider the prospect of intimacy at that time, so I absolutely sympathize with new mothers with absentee partners that have normal levels of energy and libido.
This is why both parents should get parental leave. I just took care of all the nights and slept through half the day while my partner handled those hours. Neither of us had to deal with sleep deprivation.
A dude I used to work with left his wife to deal with the newborn.
It was so bad between dayshifts that he used to leave the house at 2am and just sit in a motorway service station with a coffee for a few hours just to get some peace before coming to work.
If I tried that, my other half would stab me in the face.
I got 3 months paid paternity leave through a state program. A coworker who had a kid that same month chose to not use the state program and take 2 PTO days instead. I talked to him before hand and told him about the program but he said something like “I wouldn’t be much help, she’s done it twice already so she has it handled”. It was very evident how his wife felt about him at the Christmas party that year.
She sought out my wife, who she knew had a kid recently too and my wife brought up how nice it was to have me home for those first few months and somehow the state program came up in the conversation. She then booked it over to me and asked me about it, not knowing what was going on or thinking much about it, I told her about it and that I can’t believe coworker didn’t do it. Then all hell broke loose. This tiny little lady dragged out my 6 foot heavy set coworker by the ear, calling him every name in the book. She made him use all his PTO days and went to spend new years somewhere warm. He bitched about how hard it was taking care of 3 kids on his own for weeks.
‘Funny’ enough all the guys in the office thought she was being ridiculous but all the women were praising her.
Bruh if I had the choice between working, or raising My baby full time for the same pay, I’d pick the baby. And I hate babies! They’re annoying and needy, that’s why I prefer adoption. But it’s a baby, it deserves to be looked after. And it’s a better feeling to create a person than making the boss rich.
I think if a face stabbing is the result of doing something like that you have more serious problems…
The meme isn’t judging all men, people. It’s calling out a specific behavior and attitude. Not sure why people are so upset. Unless you actually do this, of course.
Bullshit. This is stupid, generalising and damaging in just the same way as memes about how women get married and stop having sex.
Those stupid sexist memes are also not about all women.
My wife is in labor as we speak! Crazy how I’m sitting here this meme feels very reIevant. I aspire to not be this guy.
And you’re doom scrolling rather than helping?! Get back to it, slacker!
Congrats, though 😁
Eh it’s a long process and not much going on now :-/
I dont think that is true tbh dads nowadays take care of babies as much as moms even after doing job and everything
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Women do get a shitload more time off work for it than men, so they kinda have to be the one doing most of the childcare regardless of what either parent actually wants.
Friend of ours recently had another child, she is getting most of a year off, he got a couple weeks.
My work gives parental leave based on whether they’re the primary caretaker or the secondary one. The primary gets 6 months, the secondary gets 3.
What decider whether you’re primary or secondary? Simple. If your partner is taking more than 3 months they’re primary.
What this means in practice is that for US-based employees pretty much everyone at my company is the primary caretaker since few people’s spouses even have the option for more than 3 months.
That’s a couple of weeks more than I ever got.
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Sure, but then don’t be surprised at the other person doing less of the childcare when they have to go back to work almost straight away.
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That’s nonsense. Raising young kids is more work than most jobs, sure. But that’s not because it has equal work density. It’s an exhausting 20h/day 7d/week low-med effort task. A job is a 8-12h/day 5-6d/wk med-high energy task. Miss me with that 50/50 as soon as you come home crap. That’s a ridiculous goal. Not to mention you shouldn’t be wasting time making a mental accounting spreadsheet to figure out if your partner did enough work to deserve sex that day.
Ideally everyone should have put in the same effort into the day and both partners should have the same energy level going to bed. Some days you both fall asleep dead, knowing you’ll wake up in two hours with the baby crying. Some days you get to bed with a little extra energy and the baby is sleeping through the night and maybe you have to think of something to do with that extra energy.
It’s obvious you’ll have less sex with a tiny baby just from the exhaustion, but if you’re wasting energy resenting eachother because of low effort, unrealistic expectations, or withholding sex, then maybe y’all need to consider whether you need to work on your relationship or look for another one. Because some of what I’ve read in this thread on both sides sounds more exhausting than single parenting 50% of the time and working a full time job.
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Ehh, at that point it is going to vary so much by relationship, lifestyle and work its hard to really say.
Is your job easier or harder than raising kids? While I haven’t raised kids I have hung out with people who have them, pretty sure I have worked jobs that are much harder but currently do one that is much easier.
My husband was a champ. He worked full-time and also stayed up at night manually pumping my breast milk while I was sleeping, and he’d wake up with th baby & fed the baby & changed diapers & he cooked meals too! The only thing he didn’t do is clean and that’s okay cuz I loved cleaning.
Men, if you don’t want kids, get your tubes tied. Most insurances cover it. Just do it. Don’t wait for the “right time”, just get it done.
I got snipped on a valentines day because they had lots of openings. This was after we had been together for three years and decided kids weren’t an option for us. Haven’t regretted it. Next year will be our 20th anniversary.
I wish I could say this wasn’t my exact experience.
Tack on the lack of any romantic overtures and it’s pretty much how it went though.An issue with post-interstate USA is the ability to move away from family for education and work, also fragmented the extended family. Managing life, everything and a under-6 month old infant takes way more than two people. (Day care in many areas will accept an infant at 6 weeks, which while huge, is also problematic.)
I expect the only solution is get rich and help your kids with the grand kids. (UBI!)
None of this is an excuse to fuck off and not help. It is pathetic when men say “and I never changed a diaper”. Hardly a parent at all at that point.
This is a severely under-discussed consequence of modern culture distancing family “connections”.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s only about 4 people on my side of the extended family I actually miss, and 3 on my wife’s side. That’s being generous. But not having that reliable help if you don’t have an absolutely amazing social group makes raising a kid through early childhood an absolute slog.
We don’t have kids but between the 2 of us we have 1 parent that could get here the same day if needed. 2 who we could see if willing to spend a fortune on the train to very remote areas and a full days travel. 1 who we don’t know what country they are in or even if they are still alive.
So any extra childcare would be entirely reliant on 1 person. We could move to change that to a different person but that hardly helps, there is no location that would be close to any 2 of our parents.
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Seems like a lot of trouble could be avoided if people who don’t actually want to take on the responsibilities of parenting stop reproducing.
Not a lot of people understand what parenting is going to be like before they have kids.
It might help if society was more honest about it. For starters, everyone could cut the shit with gaslighting people who say that they aren’t interesting in becoming parents. It’s a huge disservice to everyone involved.
Ah misandrist memes, just what I needed to cheer myself up.
Next I’ll stop by instagram to see misogynist memes to get my full course.
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Isn’t OP an anarchist?
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Are you my wife?
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Bad father and husband, I work 12 hours a day 5 to 6 days a week.
I get home at 1800b to 1830 the kids been awake to long and i spend the next 2 to 3 hours walking in circles trying to get the boy to calm down and stop crying.
By the time he’s calm he’s showered and then my wife tries to get him to sleep while I go to sleep so I can repeat the day over again
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