Women do get a shitload more time off work for it than men, so they kinda have to be the one doing most of the childcare regardless of what either parent actually wants.
Friend of ours recently had another child, she is getting most of a year off, he got a couple weeks.
My work gives parental leave based on whether they’re the primary caretaker or the secondary one. The primary gets 6 months, the secondary gets 3.
What decider whether you’re primary or secondary? Simple. If your partner is taking more than 3 months they’re primary.
What this means in practice is that for US-based employees pretty much everyone at my company is the primary caretaker since few people’s spouses even have the option for more than 3 months.
That’s nonsense. Raising young kids is more work than most jobs, sure. But that’s not because it has equal work density. It’s an exhausting 20h/day 7d/week low-med effort task. A job is a 8-12h/day 5-6d/wk med-high energy task. Miss me with that 50/50 as soon as you come home crap. That’s a ridiculous goal. Not to mention you shouldn’t be wasting time making a mental accounting spreadsheet to figure out if your partner did enough work to deserve sex that day.
Ideally everyone should have put in the same effort into the day and both partners should have the same energy level going to bed. Some days you both fall asleep dead, knowing you’ll wake up in two hours with the baby crying. Some days you get to bed with a little extra energy and the baby is sleeping through the night and maybe you have to think of something to do with that extra energy.
It’s obvious you’ll have less sex with a tiny baby just from the exhaustion, but if you’re wasting energy resenting eachother because of low effort, unrealistic expectations, or withholding sex, then maybe y’all need to consider whether you need to work on your relationship or look for another one. Because some of what I’ve read in this thread on both sides sounds more exhausting than single parenting 50% of the time and working a full time job.
Ehh, at that point it is going to vary so much by relationship, lifestyle and work its hard to really say.
Is your job easier or harder than raising kids? While I haven’t raised kids I have hung out with people who have them, pretty sure I have worked jobs that are much harder but currently do one that is much easier.
Women do get a shitload more time off work for it than men, so they kinda have to be the one doing most of the childcare regardless of what either parent actually wants.
Friend of ours recently had another child, she is getting most of a year off, he got a couple weeks.
My work gives parental leave based on whether they’re the primary caretaker or the secondary one. The primary gets 6 months, the secondary gets 3.
What decider whether you’re primary or secondary? Simple. If your partner is taking more than 3 months they’re primary.
What this means in practice is that for US-based employees pretty much everyone at my company is the primary caretaker since few people’s spouses even have the option for more than 3 months.
That’s a couple of weeks more than I ever got.
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Sure, but then don’t be surprised at the other person doing less of the childcare when they have to go back to work almost straight away.
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That’s nonsense. Raising young kids is more work than most jobs, sure. But that’s not because it has equal work density. It’s an exhausting 20h/day 7d/week low-med effort task. A job is a 8-12h/day 5-6d/wk med-high energy task. Miss me with that 50/50 as soon as you come home crap. That’s a ridiculous goal. Not to mention you shouldn’t be wasting time making a mental accounting spreadsheet to figure out if your partner did enough work to deserve sex that day.
Ideally everyone should have put in the same effort into the day and both partners should have the same energy level going to bed. Some days you both fall asleep dead, knowing you’ll wake up in two hours with the baby crying. Some days you get to bed with a little extra energy and the baby is sleeping through the night and maybe you have to think of something to do with that extra energy.
It’s obvious you’ll have less sex with a tiny baby just from the exhaustion, but if you’re wasting energy resenting eachother because of low effort, unrealistic expectations, or withholding sex, then maybe y’all need to consider whether you need to work on your relationship or look for another one. Because some of what I’ve read in this thread on both sides sounds more exhausting than single parenting 50% of the time and working a full time job.
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Ehh, at that point it is going to vary so much by relationship, lifestyle and work its hard to really say.
Is your job easier or harder than raising kids? While I haven’t raised kids I have hung out with people who have them, pretty sure I have worked jobs that are much harder but currently do one that is much easier.