I’m someone who goes by Ze/Zir pronouns. I’ve done so for years. I originally went by they/them pronouns but I didn’t like them much and they just don’t feel right for me. When I discovered neopronouns they just felt right. Unfortunately I haven’t had much luck getting people to refer to me by my preferred pronouns.
Even here on Lemmy lots of people still refer to me by they/them or worse she/her. It feels really bad. Does anyone else on here struggle with this?
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English language isnt even very difficult to use gender neutral they/them or neopronouns, as many words are ungendered. In very gendered languages like ukrainian, it is impossible to use something other than he or her; there isnt even a universal way to refer to a particular person in gender neutral way.
I’ve had a situation the other day where I got scolded because in my comment I apparently omitted the existence of people who are plural.
If you are refering to us talking about non-humans, we apologise. We did not mean to come off as scolding you. If it was not us then that is very unfortunate and you deserve better.
Thanks, yes, it was that situation. Apology accepted, and I want to apologize as well because I do feel I was a little more caustic in one of my comments than I wanted to be. I’m still pondering why this made me so reactive, but haven’t fully understood myself yet. Work in progress.
Thanks! We have been informed how to ask better since.
Hope you are doing well, and figure it out!
It’s a shame, this was a carefully crafted response that by looking at the up-downvote ration seems to have offended nobody and resonated with quite a few people.
Why do you people have to be like that??
Signed: an exhausted ally
This is a trans community where a trans person asked other trans people about an issue that impacts trans people.
It’s not the thread for an ally to come in and tell trans people they’ll just need to live with it, even if they do so politely.
Blahaj doesn’t do downvotes. Anyone with a blahaj account can only upvote and cannot see downvotes. Those from other instances can downvote and they do federate to each other, but the ratio means nothing.
I dont use neopronouns for myself, but as a non-native english speaker, i struggle with reffering to people with neopronouns because i dont know how to properly use them.
About they/them, i dont feel about it in any way offensive, even though i dont use it personally. For me, it is just a universally neutral way to refer to person, if, for example, i dont know their exact pronouns, and for every person that i reffered this way, they are okay with it, including myself.
As a native english speaker, i avoid using pronouns when referring to people with neopronouns because i don’t know how to properly use them.
Its really not through lack of knowledge its lack of exposure. I basically never hear neopronouns used in practice. So I worry I’ll get them wrong, in some way I don’t understand if I try to use them, as I lack an example to follow. Getting them wrong would be disrespectful, so instead I just try to phrase in a way that avoids needing to use pronouns, which I know for certain is not technically wrong.
I do want to be better than that.
Hey so im pretty sure weve interacted before and im so sorry if i messed up pronouns!
I sometimes go too fast to read the username all the time, but ill be adding a user tag to prevent this in the future. If its big and red i notice lol
Sorry again ❤️❤️
Thank you, apology accepted. I’m not sure if you did actually. The fact that you’re willing to learn and do better means you’re a good person. I’ve encountered a lot of people who refuse to do better or say that I’m wrong for having pronoun preferences.
Well in any case i dont like if i did so i do the work to change it. If i want (she/her) then its hypocritical to gloss over others pronouns. Also im older so im learning all the time. I think its lovely, every being on earth deserves to be referred to the way they want❤️
Its no problem at all ❤️
Yuuuup. We try to get people more comfortable using them, especially when it comes to conjugating because even we trip up with the proper forms for some of them. It’s a lot easier in spaces where you can display your pronouns, especially online where it’s harder to miss, but it goes beyond simply being aware of them. Not much else to do on this end of things but ultimately it’s all a matter of people being acclimated to them, I keep encouraging folks who use neos to any extent to stick with em so that more and more people can get used to it but yeah it takes tons of patience with others.
- Cass (xe/xem)
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Honestly, I feel you. I might be responsible sometimes for misgendering people.
It’s not a will to do so but mostly it becomes hard to remember every person I encounter what are their pronouns and name.
I know it is common courtesy but I’m having a hard time sometimes. So I tend to ask again and try to not misgender but sometimes I fail.
Even though misgendering sucks I am happy when people do actually try. The thing I have no respect or forgiveness for is people who intentionally refuse to use my pronouns out of principle or say that I’m crazy or making a fool of trans people.
That’s plain disrespect and a denial of your own identity so yeah. I get that. I have been deadnamed on purpose by my ex sister-in-law and misgendered out of spite.
That sucks, I’m sorry you had to go through that. No one should have to go through that kind of shitty treatment.
Yes. We do, constantly. We have even been told that folks do not come to lemmy to pay attention to things like pronouns, dissapointingly.
We have our pronouns in our display name and in our profile, but apparently a lot of clients do not show display names nor can access profiles.
Why any would want to use clients missing such basic features is anybeing’s guess. However, we imagine it has something to do with what we have been told about why beings use lemmy.
Is there an android client that gets it right? It seems Voyager never will
Summit can show display names, I’m not sure if it’s the default though
That’s the one I was testing recently. I was hoping it was just an option I hadn’t found yet, but apparently no. Uninstalled!
I’m using jerboa. Has some issues but I see “pooberbee (she/her)@lemmy.ml” above your commemt. That’s correct isn’t it?
Yeah. Maybe i switch back to jerboa then
The main issue I’ve had with jerboa is that it doesn’t play nice with the default keyboard’s autocorrect. Backspacing to correct words deletes spaces before words. It’s odd but most third party keyboards work fine.
Err… It doesn’t show images in the list? Hmm…
Switching now. Might take some getting used to, but it’s good to have display names!
I’ve been trying some new phone clients recently, and some do not show screen names anywhere. Any client that doesn’t show the screen name is not fit for purpose.
I don’t understand neopronouns. I almost never hear them said, so I generally avoid sentences that require pronouns because I’m worried I’ll get the neopronouns wrong. Can you provide an example of cele or celes in a sentence? I want to refer to cele correctly. (was that right?)
For me personally, I prefer usernames since they’re immutable and unique per instance. I feel like actual pronoun tags would be a good feature, but then that’d be another thing only a subset of clients implement.
Unlikely that’ll happen since most of the threadiverse developers are very strange about trans people.
Try me.
!!!
I now know that apothipronominal is a thing that exists. Thanks so much!
I felt like this since childhood. Never comprehended why folks used pronouns, or when addressing me. “Just call me by my chosen name, address me, in fact, address me directly. If you have a conflict with me, is it not better to address me directly to address the conflict? Why do you have talk behind me when the conflict is something that can be addressed?” etc…
Only decades later I found out I wasn’t alone in those feelings, and Greeks and Chinese people felt the same too.
Было бы здорово, если бы вы также указали, какие окончания использовать с вашими местоимениями в прошедшем времени и в прилагательных — «сделал», «сделала», «сделало», или двойную форму «сделал(а)»? Если у вас неологизм — есть ли для него отдельное окончание, или вы обычно берёте средний род?
(for English readers, I’m asking a question along the lines of asking OP to pick between
- ze is blond
- ze are blonde
- ze is blondes
- ze are blond
- ze is blonds
etc. (assuming zir hairs are blond), but in a language with much more difficult conjugation: Russian. Do neopronouns require neoconjugations? if yes, plz provide)
I’ll ask my parents since they speak Russian and would know better but in general if the language has gendered conjugations or other gendered words that change based on the gender of the person they will require new ones at least to make the language gender neutral.
My name is zee and been wanting to use ze/zir also but sense nobody can reliably just use she/her for me. Not even they/them I just kinda gave up. If they don’t want to use my pronouns then I start just distancing myself from them.
Also regardless, they them is for anybody you don’t know the gender of and when someone uses they/them I don’t mind because there’s absolutely no way for them to know unless I tell them.
Unless I put it in my username or something like that, but even that people don’t read.
