A post was deleted just now and that is ok. I get it. It’s hard to think about and talk about ones innermost decisions and thoughts, and as a transgender individual trying to figure out what to do and where to go from here was really hard for me so I totally get it. But I wrote this up for you and everyone else in a similar situation so I am gonna make a new post and maybe you will read it. And if not, that’s ok too. I am just one girl with an opinion. 💜
Fuck passing. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. You might pass and you might not but people that care about you will not care about that. They will love you and support you and change their words for you. Anyone that doesn’t can get fucked.
You can’t let passing be a barrier. I am guessing that many many trans people worried a lot about passing before they started transitioning. It’s probably a very natural thing to worry about.
But you need to understand that there is no one magical thing that “makes you a woman”
Don’t let ‘passing’ get in the way of how you feel about yourself. Don’t let anything or anyone get in your head and turn you away from how you see your authentic self.
I understand waiting if your living situation isn’t ideal, but you can still do affirming things beyond shaving. The first step is always the hardest. The more steps you take, the easier it gets.
You can do this if you decide to. Just remember that we love you and care about you no matter what you decide. It can take a while to figure out how to move forward. It took me 1 year from when I first realized I needed HRT. It can take some people longer. Try not to sweat it. You will be ok.
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It’s something I’m still working on, putting less pressure on myself to pass. I try to remind myself that I do not owe people a certain type of femininity in order to earn being treated well and having my name and pronouns respected. The people who matter will respect me no matter what I sound or look like, and the people that don’t are the ones in the wrong.
Then I can just enjoy the process of developing a feminine look and style, purely because it makes me feel good and like myself, and not because I feel like I owe it to the world.
Easier said than internalized though, and I still struggle a lot, especially when it comes to voice dysphoria 🫤
Being visibly trans is revolutionary. We always carve out exceptions for people’s safety, but let’s be real, a whole hell of a lot if passing-obsessed trans girls are just rampantly transphobic self-hating queers who want to check out the fight the rest of us are forced to have every day. I have zero respect for that.
I think half of the “passing” thing is that I want to look femme to me, for me. The other half is safety. Too many people getting attacked when using public restrooms or just walking down the street. I’m avoiding going back to my hometown because it’s likely unsafe for me there until I am “passing”.
Anyway, I totally get the sentiment that you shouldn’t feel obligated by society to “pass”. And I totally agree that shouldn’t be a primary reason to subject yourself to the stress and risk of surgery. If only it were that simple, especially in countries like mine, the US, where things are getting more and more dangerous outside of major cities, or countries where it’s just plain illegal to exist.
Those are good points. Safety is very important and valid, and I wish I would have touched on that earlier.
One thing I did in the beginning was to wear colorful cloth masks matching my outfits. I think doing that and hiding my receding hair line underneath hats did a huge job with allowing me to pass in people’s eyes.
💜
I’d like to add: We’re here for you. We all are.
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Agree 100%
The world is so often unkind to us. We need to be conciously kind to ourselves in regards to our transition (and more generally of course)
