fyi: it’s “drugs”

  • Setiyeti93 ( Setiyeti93@lemmy.ca ) 
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    1 month ago

    It’s so strange to me that the argument of she was drunk and / or on drugs so strange.

    These are reasons that she could never consent. Therefore any sexual act with her would be assault

    It feels so weird to me that they think this is some kind of “gotcha”.

  • Uriel238 [all pronouns] ( uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 
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    1 month ago

    I’ve always been a total wierdo, but even at sixteen, when I was a desperate, frustrated incel, if a girl (in this case, a peer) had to get sloshed to be into me, it’d freak me out.

    Pretty much through my entire romantic career, meeting at a bar instead of a café was a red flag. Sex always seemed like a sober activity. Or more exactly, sex supplies its own drugs. Morover, once someone was not coherent enough to do crosswords, it was clear they weren’t clear headed enough to consent to fluid exchange.

    Granted, there are two factors that inform this attitude: One is my parents were sloppy drunks and went to sloppy-drunk parties. And I never wanted to be like that. The other is I made my way into the kink community in my twenties, and mixing drugs or booze with kink was geberallt generally known to be dangerous like mixing drugs and booze with motor vehicles or guns. (At least in my corner of the kink community. Also breath-control was a no-no and kids seem to be choking each other all over the place, nowadays.)

    But then, I’ve never been a frat dude, or even the kind of guy who’d ever be sponsored to join a Greek house.

    • Fushuan [he/him] ( fushuan@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 
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      1 month ago

      Kinda same. Even in my most incel times my most fucked up fantasies there the other party was getting totally ravaged, the reason it was sexy was because they consented, because they wanted it, because they were feeling pleasure from it. It was sexy because I was able to empathize with the imaginary other.

      I guess fantasy me doesn’t really care about hammered sex, but real me would never be that hammered and would instantly be worried if the OP happened, can’t get aroused if I’m worried. Crazy how some guys are.

    • rumba ( rumba@lemmy.zip ) 
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      1 month ago

      I wanted one since long before then. I am a bit worried we’ll end up with a strongly conservative matriarchy that won’t look severely different than what we have now, but I think the only chance we have to swing left of ‘left’ is to shake up the patriarchy.

        • rumba ( rumba@lemmy.zip ) 
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          1 month ago

          Anarchy sounds nice until you have a task big enough to require people to work together, or to do shitty work no one wants to do, or to deal with outside aggressors, or to resolve conflict.

          There’s probably something in between anarchy, dictatorship, republic, communism that works, but we haven’t found it yet.

            • rumba ( rumba@lemmy.zip ) 
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              1 month ago

              One might argue that a 3-year test just post civil war wasn’t a solid shakedown cruise.

              I’m fairly certain the US would just devolve into internal armed conflict and a return to slavery.

              • kkj ( kkj@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) 
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                1 month ago

                Perhaps, but since just about every other system has already devolved into internal armed conflict and slavery at various points, it seems like a good idea to try the one that hasn’t yet.

        • rumba ( rumba@lemmy.zip ) 
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          1 month ago

          Was it too much to hope they dropped and broke the mold with Rowling?

          Yeah, that could also be a bad way to go, I think we’re nearly as likely to get there with the current patriarchy path in a gen or two.

  • terranoid ( terranoid@lemmy.cafe ) 
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    1 month ago

    Hey, I’d just be excited to have a cool new friend to do drugs with, and if I take off my clothes it’s not sexual, it’s purely about being on the same mental level

      • terranoid ( terranoid@lemmy.cafe ) 
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        1 month ago

        Some people see the naked girl railing lines on the couch and think, “oh dear I hope she’s SAFE, I hope she learns self control”. I see someone that I can sit there on molly with for the next hour while she trauma dumps and I’m like “damn girl that is seriously crazy you’ve been through so much, damn, that’s life though right??”

  • lavander ( lavander@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) 
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    1 month ago

    I feel the rave/techno scene is like that (at least in Europe)…. And among all my friends that got raped/SA I didn’t heard yet a single one that got raped at a rave/techno party. Not saying it doesn’t happen but it feels much less than “socially respectable” parties, ex boyfriends, friends of friends, etc.

    I wonder if it is because people that are attracted by that scene are in a certain way or the community has a strong culture of consent or something else.

    But I would love to read if there is any statistical study on correlation between certain “scenes” and sexual abuse… and if there is a rational explanation on the causation

    • rumba ( rumba@lemmy.zip ) 
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      1 month ago

      But I would love to read if there is any statistical study on correlation between certain “scenes” and sexual abuse…

      I fear rave metrics are probably mostly impossible to collect. Anonymous events with illegal substances don’t generate a lot of usable data

  • MystikIncarnate ( MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca ) 
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    1 month ago

    Not going to defend any rapists here, the statements are true, but there must be done recognition of placing yourself in an extremely dangerous position by your own choices.

    Still doesn’t excuse rape, by any stretch, but bad decisions are still bad decisions.

    • NotAnOtter ( NotAnOtter@lemmus.org ) 
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      1 month ago

      I still like the “If you ride a bike and get run over, it’s the drivers fault. But you should still wear a helmet” metaphor. But I believe some people think it’s a defense of rapists, which it’s not.

      • MystikIncarnate ( MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca ) 
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        1 month ago

        The graveyards are full of people who were not at fault, and/or in the right with their actions.

        As you say, the driver is (or at least should be) at fault. But wear a helmet anyways. That metaphor has legs. It applies to all kinds of things, from personal protection equipment, to situational hazards, to environmental hazards…

        Like the guy climbing up on the umpteenth floor of a high-rise during its construction where that floor doesn’t have outside walls, or guard rails or anything… He’s not planning on falling, but he should wear fall arrest gear anyways.

        I don’t plan on getting hit by a car when I direct traffic to a parking area, but I still wear a high vis vest and stand out of the path where cars are going to drive…

        It’s not about blaming the victim at all. Victims are victims. But before you become a victim, you can take steps to avoid becoming one. Once you are a victim, anyone pointing out what you could have done to avoid becoming a victim, is an asshole.

    • merc ( merc@sh.itjust.works ) 
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      1 month ago

      Humans are hairless apes. You can acknowledge that the rapist at a frat party made a mistake, while also acknowledging that the naked woman made a bad mistake of entering the hairless ape enclosure in that state.

      It would be wonderful if we lived in a world where every hairless ape had perfect self-control, was raised with absolutely enlightened beliefs, and never let alcohol or drugs impair their judgment. It makes perfect sense to punish any hairless ape that breaks a law.

      OTOH, if you’re the parents of a young woman, you should teach her to be very careful when choosing to enter the hairless ape enclosure because humanity hasn’t yet reached a stage where that’s always safe.

      • selokichtli ( selokichtli@lemmy.ml ) Banned from community
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        1 month ago

        Well, my comment was removed so I couldn’t check my phrasing. I was trying to say they don’t look like “red evil demons”. They of course are evil, but my point was that rapists are people in the world looking like any other person, and it’s useful to know that.

          • selokichtli ( selokichtli@lemmy.ml ) Banned from community
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            1 month ago

            In my app it says “Removido” which is a bad translation for “Removed” but common in bad translations. I tried to edit my message after it appeared as “Removido” because I didn’t want to engage personally with people trying to shame or accuse me of being a rapist or, whatever they are doing (they are blocked now). The option of editing my message was active, so I tried, but my edit didn’t do anything, apparently. Maybe it just registered as edited, but it didn’t change the situation.

            • Echo Dot ( echodot@feddit.uk ) 
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              1 month ago

              Removed means a moderator deleted your comment, but there’s no mod action on your comment. There’s no way for anyone to see what the original comment was now because you edited it. I wish people would just stand by the things they say.

              • selokichtli ( selokichtli@lemmy.ml ) Banned from community
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                1 month ago

                I do not have time or will to know those intricacies. I edit most of my comments because it’s hard to comment in English with a Spanish/English keyboard, but really, I don’t care for these self-righteous, wannabe-superior, angry people.