Join me on the winds of mood.

Apologies for the uncharacteristic post, I usually keep these things to myself, but whatever it is compels me to write, so here I am writing. And getting progressively loopy as-typical for this time.

Today certainly happened. I would not even really say it was particularly bad in itself. But I cannot help but to reflect on the burdens I am carrying and the fact that there is no reprieve from them other than the alchemy that keeps me from melting.

Though my love and trust has ultimately stabbed my heart and back every time extended, hooray for constantly-affirming Anthropophobia, I nonetheless continue to choose to love. I choose to care. I choose to give a damn. But it gets so hard to constantly have to choose what others seem to just be able to do. When I have said that I love you all, I mean that in truth. I have only been here for a short time, but I nonetheless want your happiness and joy to abound. And I want to help and so I try, mixed results between advice, solidarity and bad jokes, but still.

As it stands, I am alone in my day-to-day. Even when around others, while I try to remain cheerful and positive in the face of everything I try to shoulder to keep them from having to, I feel alone.

Then there is disassociation of not even recognizing myself the originator of things once done and written, seeing a stranger who once bore a version of myself, distant or present in the now. I help with Medical, I recall a noteworthy incident but cannot call to mind the me that wrote the documentation, or the full me who had to treat an incident.

I am able to recall beginning this post, though at present my entire world basically starts and ends with this post. Not literally, but that which came before is hazy, and thereafter will likely be a swift trip to sleepville from the medicine.

I do not really know my point with the post. I guess it is just to put something in the ether before the sleeptrain demands my ticket,

If anyone has a music suggestion I would love to listen to them sometime.

Thank you all for being you, I love you.