Please don’t ask why I need this.
It would be great if the food also made me sweat a lot.
It doesn’t need to be something I can easily find.
Roberto ( @Roberto@toast.ooo ) English52•1 year agoCan’t believe lemmy already has volume enough for this level of shitposting 🥲
williamallenbro ( @williamallenbro@beehaw.org ) English9•1 year agoShit posting, nice.
SomeGuyNamedPaul ( @SomeGuyNamedPaul@beehaw.org ) English26•1 year agoOh wow, a topic for which I’m somewhat of an expert.
Get a box of cornbread mix. Dump it in a bowl. Add milk. Stir and then consume with a spoon. If you want some violence to your shits then mix a considerable amount of crushed red pepper before the milk while it’s still a dry powder. The milk will help dull the impact of the CRP as you’re eating it but not as it’s passing, and passing fast.
With this method you should be able to make a load of poop that floats a bit and will pile up above the water line, significantly increasing the stench you leave in the bathroom.
The amateur enhancement is to also slam down a number of Fibercon tablets, but if you want to amp this up to pro-level defecation then go look in the supplements section for some stuff called “chitosan”. It’s like ground up shrimp and crustacean shell, and it bonds to fats so instead of being absorbed they pass through you. That plus a bunch of fatty stuff from other suggestions you’ll be receiving will take your adventure to the next level. This plus swapping in heavy whipping cream for the cornbread concoction then you’ll probably have bowel movements so horrible you’ll have to register them with some kind of government agency.
Good luck and may your toilet paper be the good stuff.
bane_killgrind ( @bane_killgrind@lemmy.ml ) English7•1 year agoOh wow, a topic for which I’m somewhat of an expert.
Yeah this reads as fairly sarcastic, but your advice is extremely specific.
I am thinking you know your shit.
Magnor ( @admin_lemmy@lemmy.webgirand.eu ) English5•1 year agoHoly litteral shit.
archomrade [he/him] ( @archomrade@midwest.social ) English3•1 year agoQuestion: what kind of absolute hell would I go through if I did all of this after not pooping for 3 days?
Bonus: how bad would this be if I was actively constipated?
iuseit ( @iuseit@iusearchlinux.fyi ) English24•1 year agoIs this the first lemmy meme? Send this shit to archive.org
bionicjoey ( @bionicjoey@lemmy.ca ) English10•1 year agoHistory in the making
DreamIsDestiny ( @MementoMori@lemmy.ml ) English19•1 year agoThis is the high quality content I come here for.
millions ( @millions@kbin.social ) 14•1 year agoI was here for the first lemmy meme
TheFriendlyDickhead ( @TheFriendlyDickhead@lemm.ee ) 6•1 year agoThe funny thing is, because lemmy is so small basicly everybody instantly knows whats going on
NetHandle ( @NetHandle@kbin.social ) 14•1 year agoSo uhh, step one: get cholera (it lives on shellfish, and plankton do with this what you will, lick some shells or something)
Step two: ingest cholera
Step three: try not to die demvoter ( @demvoter@kbin.social ) 13•1 year agoAnd a new lemmy/kbin specific meme is born. O glorious day!
GeekFTW ( @GeekFTW@kbin.social ) 4•1 year agoSome people say we can’t have nice things.
Those people don’t read this thread lol.
1st ( @1st@kbin.social ) 4•1 year agoOh no. Is this our “test post please ignore”?
interolivary ( @interolivary@beehaw.org ) 3•1 year agotest shit please ignore
Verity_kindle ( @Verity_kindle@kbin.social ) 2•1 year agoStover’s Chocolates made with stevia. Eat 1 pound over a day or so. Tried and true formula.
sheldy13 ( @sheldy13@kbin.social ) 2•1 year agoThis! What is up with that candy?
atocci ( @atocci@kbin.social ) 2•1 year agoIt’s the stevia, it’s a sweetener but also a laxative. There’s a certain brand of soda that uses stevia as its sweetener also and will have the same effect.
heartlessevil ( @heartlessevil@lemmy.one ) 1•1 year agoThen you could just eat the stevia to save on money and calories
zeekaran ( @zeekaran@sopuli.xyz ) English11•1 year agoLiteral shit posting.
fomo_erotic ( @fomo_erotic@lemmy.ml ) English10•1 year agoHabanero protein shakes with extra coconut oil.
diffaldo ( @diffaldo@lemm.ee ) English10•1 year agoMmh i like opposite posting
Rentlar ( @Rentlar@beehaw.org ) English10•1 year agoEpic tier shitpost. Thanks for posting for the de-fedded instances that can’t see @mizu@lemmy.world 's post.
king_dead ( @king_dead@beehaw.org ) English10•1 year agoGoogle colonoscopy prep
108 ( @108@kbin.social ) 10•1 year agoI too had to go on a trip with people I hate
Dee ( @Dee_Imaginarium@beehaw.org ) English9•1 year agoNot what I was expecting in my feed, not going to lie. But I think as strange as this question is, it bodes well for original content on Lemmy… unfortunately.
That being said anything with a laxative effect should do the trick. For lots of pooping and sweating you could go with the sugar-free gummy bears on Amazon.
SomeGuyNamedPaul ( @SomeGuyNamedPaul@beehaw.org ) English1•1 year agoThis is cheating, that stuff doesn’t count as food.
I had some sugar-free gelatin once, ate the whole bowl in one shot. Turns out it was sweetened with sugar alcohols which is similar to what’s in those gummies and the results were notable. That’s the secret ingredient, sugar alcohol. Monk fruit sugar has it too and a few spoons of that and you’ll have stories to tell.
FanfictionConsort ( @FanfictionConsort@kbin.social ) 9•1 year agoI have a good option here: Dairy.
Basically, your body can only produce so much Lactase (the thing that breaks down Lactose) at a time. Lactose intolerant people barely produce any Lactase, which is why eating a tiny bit of cheese is OK for them, but they’ll explosively shit themselves if they have a glass of milk.
Anyways, you have a lactase limit, time to find it. An added bonus of this strategy is that your options are a bit more varied: You can load up on cheeses, milkshakes, cream puffs, cheesecake. Regular old milk has the most lactose though, so if you want to shit yourself plentifully and violently, bring a ton of that (and whatever other foods you want, the milk will do the work here). Just don’t try and chug a whole gallon of milk in under 20 minutes, you’ll vomit because it will dilute your stomach acid until instead of digesting it, it’ll curdle in your stomach.
𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓸𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓴𝓮𝓻 ( @ErgodicTangle@feddit.de ) 6•1 year agoThanks I hate vomozarella.
Mugmoor ( @Mugmoor@lemmy.dbzer0.com ) 5•1 year agoI’ll just leave this here… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kqbvu8jZBOw
Jesus Christ. I’m glad that video is only in 480p, somethings don’t need to be in 4k.