I just don’t get it. Why do some people hate that we exist and then lust over the idea of us behind closed doors? Why do some people just see us as sex objects?
- Witch ( @Witch@beehaw.org ) 29•1 year ago
Fetishes are fun, while reconsidering your morals is not.
It isn’t even exclusive to us. Many times, when someone is “in the mood”, they just go for what they’re in the mood for without thinking about it in the moment. They can look at all the erotica they want, and then experience self-hating guilt afterwards for a good five minutes, and then repeat the same thing next Tuesday.
- gloombert the fluffy ( @gloombert@beehaw.org ) 12•1 year ago
Its a ploy by the hateful in our society. If it isnt fetishized by people then there is no groomer narrative, which in turn retorts a lot of transphobia and homophobia.
- Evergreen5970 ( @Evergreen5970@beehaw.org ) 11•1 year ago
Setting aside that fetishizing LGBTQ+ and tossing them away is MUCH more serious than the following…
Most people know they shouldn’t eat the entire tub of ice cream in one sitting. They do it anyways, even if they tell their kids not to do it in the same breath. That’s because professed values often don’t line up with practiced values. You know it’s bad for you but it’s hard to deny yourself the pleasure in the moment. You can fully believe this is bad for you but do it anyways. No cognitive dissonance necessary, just a failure of self-control.
Same goes for LGBTQ+ hatred and fetishization in the same person. They “know” it’s sinful, but it’s hard to not give in in the moment. They can fully believe it’s sinful while failing to deny themselves the pleasure of lesbian or gay porn. No cognitive dissonance necessary, just a failure of self-control. Except with this case, they’re actively hurting other people instead of doing one small unhealthy step that might not even hurt themselves provided they don’t make a habit out of it.
I’m going to guess that part of why LGBTQ+ is fetishized is because it’s “forbidden fruit” for those who do believe it’s sinful. For specifically the L and G parts, if you’re a straight person then viewing L or G porn will expose you to only attractive members of your preferred gender. No having to see your nonpreferred gender participate in sexual acts while likely nude. And I understand most people tend to have a nudity taboo that really only goes away for babies, themselves in the shower, and people they’re attracted to.
- argv_minus_one ( @argv_minus_one@beehaw.org ) 4•1 year ago
Most people know they shouldn’t eat the entire tub of ice cream in one sitting. They do it anyways, even if they tell their kids not to do it in the same breath. That’s because professed values often don’t line up with practiced values. You know it’s bad for you but it’s hard to deny yourself the pleasure in the moment.
That doesn’t explain the denial and hatred and hypocrisy.
If I were to eat a whole tub of ice cream, I would say, “Just because I did this doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. I will suffer harm as a result of doing this, and you will too if you do the same.”
I would not deny that I did it, accuse others of my sins, seek to punish them for doing the same thing I did, and so forth.
- Evergreen5970 ( @Evergreen5970@beehaw.org ) 5•1 year ago
Ahh, I was just explaining the part where fetishism can coexist with hatred. Not the denial and hypocrisy.
I still fundamentally don’t understand projection all that well. I’m not sure if that is something that might happen subconsciously, instead of as a planned malicious act. The only benefits I can think of from that are as a distraction tactic from your own problems.
But I can take a crack at denial and hypocrisy in forms other than projection!
Denial (refusing even to acknowledge it to yourself): I don’t want to deal with the fact that by my own standards, I am sinful. Maybe because I don’t want to see myself as sinful. Maybe because I don’t want to give the porn up just yet, so I ignore how “wrong” it is when watching. It’s what, 5 minutes of my life feeling guilty?
Denial (refusing to acknowledge it to others): I don’t want other people to view me as sinful. I don’t want them to even know I have the slightest temptation towards LGBTQ+ porn, lest they think I too am LGBTQ+ or a supporter of them—because honestly, I’m not. Aside from this one temptation, I’m anti-LGBTQ+. I don’t want to be ejected from my community over a pro-LGBTQ+ view I don’t have. And I certainly don’t want anyone who respects my opinion to start looking into pro-LGBTQ+ things under the mistaken belief I might approve in some way. Fundamentally, letting others know I have a problem invites consequences down on me that I don’t want to deal with.
Trying to punish others for the same thing you did: I know how wrong it is. And that it deserves to be punished. But frankly I’m selfish and don’t want to experience punishment, so I’ll try to hide my own involvement or excuse it while coming down hard on others. Alternatively, it’s different when I do it from when anyone else does it, so it’s okay for me to go punishment-free but not anyone else.
- argv_minus_one ( @argv_minus_one@beehaw.org ) 4•1 year ago
They have to twist their minds into knots and spend so much time and energy on maintaining this web of untruth and misdirection.
Meanwhile, I simply eat ice cream, admit my guilt, and move on with my life. You simply watch LGBT+ porn, say that it’s not a sin and anyone who disagrees is a lousy bigot, and that’s that. It’s true, it’s simple, and it requires almost no mental effort.
What envy these bigots must feel. It almost makes me pity them. Almost.
- Evergreen5970 ( @Evergreen5970@beehaw.org ) 3•1 year ago
I think just being honest about failings is easier than denial and hypocrisy too, but there’s also that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being LGBTQ+ in the first place. And my immediate surroundings aren’t going to exclude me or beat me up for thinking so. And for a good number of people, any porn habit at all is more shameful to admit to than an ice cream habit.
Also, if I did think LGBTQ+ was wrong I would probably hold fast to “it’s sinful and I’m broken.” If I thought LGBTQ+ was wrong but got aroused by porn of them, listening to “maybe it isn’t a sin” viewpoints would feel like stretching for an excuse to feel better about myself and living in denial about reality.
- SomeGuyNamedPaul ( @SomeGuyNamedPaul@beehaw.org ) 7•1 year ago
Besides the reasons due to the usual self-loathing of the oppressors, LGBT folks have been defined by sexuality. It’s part of the fallout from the forced shift from homoromantic to homosexual.
- Dislodge3233 ( @Dislodge3233@feddit.de ) 7•1 year ago
I don’t know your experiences, but if you’re concern fees derives from people thinking you’re slutty or easy, it might be because queer people are generally sex positive. Straight people often conflate sex positivity to being willing to sleep with anyone.
I’m a very slutty pansexual man, and I effectively refuse to touch straight vanilla women because I don’t have the patience.
Don’t have any experience but from what I have seen online cishets seem to fetishize us a lot
- argv_minus_one ( @argv_minus_one@beehaw.org ) 5•1 year ago
They not only lust over LGBT+ behind closed doors but keep getting caught having sex with LGBT+ behind closed doors, so…my guess is they’re in the closet, forced to stay in the closet for fear of the judgment of their peers, and jealous that you suffer no such constraint.
- violetraven ( @violetraven@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) 4•1 year ago
I feel like it’s an extension of homophobia. If they fall in love, or lust after someone with a dick, that would mean they could be gay. And then what? They’d have to hate themselves! It really doesn’t make any sense if you think about for more than a few seconds.
- Nechesh ( @Nechesh@beehaw.org ) 4•1 year ago
We’re hardwired to like what we like, but outside influences such as religion or parents or schoolmates tell people they shouldn’t like those things that they can’t help liking. This creates the public and private behavior that you describe. Many LGBTQ people who have not fully accepted themselves due to these societal pressures deal with a lot of self-hate as well.