• happy_wheels ( happy_wheels@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) English
    20·
    2 days ago

    OVER TEXT?!? Excuse-moi but like what the fricklesnacks. That’s so rude. The sheer audacity!

    Okay so. You’re gonna be OK. Shit’s gonna suck for a bit but this will pass. I’m cheering for you in my corner girlie. You will find someone who treats you for the queen that you are!

  • Lily ( Shirow@lemmy.zip ) English
    3·
    1 day ago

    To be honest. I don’t know about love the way it used to be for me anymore. I used to love my ex. We have been together for almost 9 years and I ended up feeling trapped. Being the image of the person she loved.

    After transitioning she blamed the hormones for the “changes”. I mean the hormones were not the problem. The problem is that she loved a version of myself that was damaging to me. She loved the person who provided who was there for her, the person who would give her all for her. The person she could rely on because she was broken. I had to be stable for her. The person who was also “a man” one of the “good kind”. She made me tolerate my body pre-transition through her love of it but that was a double edged sword.

    After my divorce. I don’t know I thought that monogamy was not the thing for me anymore. I always had this thing where I want people to be happy and today I try not to put myself aside with it. I don’t care if the person I love end up leaving me. I just want them to be happy. And I’ve put words on me being polyA and wanting more anarchy in my relationships.

    I understand that it does not help for you what I just said. But I’ve been the dumper in a relationship where I’ve felt like you and it really really didn’t feel good to hurt her. And I know how damaging this can be.

    Hope you find someone you can be yourself with and build something.

  • gandalf_die_12te ( gandalf_der_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) English
    10·
    2 days ago

    unironically i think that this is a large part of why i am polyamorous … i just have seen many times in my life how people enter monogamous relationships in the belief that “this will cause stability in my life”, only to see their heart ripped out of their chest some time later.

    what people don’t seem to get is that humans aren’t machines. there’s no “proof” you can do that somebody will never leave you. there is no “reliability” in monogamy, and “promising” to stay together for a lifetime doesn’t actually do stuff. and anyone who has taken a statistics course, will tell you to never put all your eggs into one basket.

    and that’s i think a large part of the reason why i could never never ever be in a monogamous relationship.

    edit: sry i know this doesn’t help you at all in this moment. i’m just saying it because i get really angry every time i see people feeling like shit because these things happen. and i’ve grown accustomed to thinking that it’s because of the really unnatural kind of relationships that are forced on people by the kind of neurotypical mindset … idk i’m maybe spiraling but it’s important to me.

    • Hugucinogens ( Daxter101@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) English
      2·
      1 day ago

      As another poly person, I agree with your intellectual points. Also, your understanding of the reality of the lie that is, the expectation that a monogamous relationship (or any relationship) will bring stability on its own, is a valid emotional reason for you to be polyamorous.

      However, I don’t think it’s fair to assign all this pain to just the shitty normative expectations that you’re talking about.

      All breakups hurt. They just hurt.

      When people are hurt, they’re messy, and they’re trying their best to make sense of their situation.

      Yeah, their tools for understanding the situation after the fact, may be bad, and not help them heal as well over time, but a lot of this hurt is normal and healthy to feel. It’s normal for shitty things like a breakup to be shitty.

      Good knowledge of self, understanding of emotions, and the self work that is required for non-standard relationship structures, is a godsend for the period after, for slow thought, coming to terms with a change, all those things.

      But the pain of loss is its own thing. Nothing we, nor any societal structures can do about that.

  • Malica ( Malica@lemmy.zip ) English
    6·
    2 days ago

    Soon you’ll be able to see that someone that could do that is not someone worthy of being in your life. It’ll get better, I promise. Sending you all the e-hugs!

    • WitchKnight ( WitchKnight@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) OPEnglish
      7·
      2 days ago

      She and her mom both said they still want me in their lives, and still want to be friends. Knowing that I’m still wildly in love with her. I’m never going to not want more, and trying to just be friends would just break my heart anew over and over

      • Malica ( Malica@lemmy.zip ) English
        6·
        2 days ago

        Definitely don’t do that, at least not until you’re over it and that will take at least 6 months imo. Take space to heal, you can do this!

        • for_some_delta ( for_some_delta@beehaw.org ) English
          2·
          1 day ago

          Yes.

          Be done. Take time to heal. The memories will never go away and are part of your story. The next phase is building new memories absent of her.

          My experience is any form of, “Let’s just be friends”, is a death knell. Mourn how you need. Time does heal wounds. Then move on.

      • MapleFawn ( MapleFawn@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) English
        4·
        2 days ago

        Gosh I feel that one, I was once broken off with over the phone, too. It broke me for a year before I could move on. But move on I did, I found the one and she was worth the heartache. If it wasn’t for that messy hurtful experience I’d never met her. I wish you the same happiness, although I don’t recommend a year of heartache, results may wary on that one.

  • Brooke (she/her) ( brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zone ) English
    5·
    2 days ago

    Sorry girl, thats really shitty

    The audacity tho omg, atleast you wont be commited to someone that would do that ig is kinda a silver lining 🤷‍♀️

    I know its hard, im rooting for you ❤️❤️

    Also i looooove your shirt 😍