Yes. This. I am neutral about being a man. I don’t mind it, especially in so far as it’s the reality I have to live with. But there is also a big chance I think about wishing to be a girl for the wrong reasons.
Gender is a social construct, and I have (over)thought myself to the point where I think I’d very much like it if I could walk that path and for my body to follow.
I can’t though. Maybe I will (again) some day secretly try in small ways to indulge some of the thoughts.
And then… You can actually try the hormones. It takes several months for anything irreversible to take place. That’s plenty enough time to feel that it is right indeed.
Most important thing is maybe that cis people would never come to have the thoughts you have.
I had been depressed and anxious throughout my puberty and adult life, until the bottle I had crafted at age 2 or so. And now I am not-depressed for the first time in quarter a century. And that’s worth everything!
Basically I belong to a fundamentalist and backwards country, I was born and raised in a country that doesn’t like me (and sometimes can’t wait to show it), and I have disappointed myself and people around me in the basic aspects of life. Going for “I think I’m a girl” is a no go every way I look at it. That is, if I am legitimately trans, because my therapist didn’t think so.
Sorry to hear you are in such a situation. A lot of what you said is relatable. Also don’t trust the people in the area I live, so I still semi-try to boymode despite being on HRT for 2.5 years except with those really close to me whom I trust.
He’s good though. And far from repressive. He even encouraged me to try a few things. But, ultimately, he said these thoughts are a symptom of something else.
Therapists and doctors can’t tell if anyone is trans. It doesn’t work that way. There’s no way for him to say that your feelings come from being trans or something else. The only person capable of finding out is you
I very much agree. But, on the other hand, my ability to find things out and decide things has deteriorated over time, drastically so in the past few years.
If I could, I would happily and unapologetically try experiencing stuff as long as I didn’t hurt myself or anyone else. But as things stand, that’s a no go.
I was married to someone who didn’t care which helped but I started by just wearing frillier stuff at home, and sometimes a sports bra with nothing in it under my clothes while going outside. Helped dip my toes in while being covert about it to see what I thought. Also things line Rocky Horror are a great way to go hog wild and play it off “oh it’s just a costume for this silly movie thing”
Edit: I know this all depends heavily your home situation and what area you live in
Probably, in some ways. I don’t want to have go to the country I legally belong to but have never lived in. It’s probably the worst country in the world.
Yes. This. I am neutral about being a man. I don’t mind it, especially in so far as it’s the reality I have to live with. But there is also a big chance I think about wishing to be a girl for the wrong reasons. Gender is a social construct, and I have (over)thought myself to the point where I think I’d very much like it if I could walk that path and for my body to follow. I can’t though. Maybe I will (again) some day secretly try in small ways to indulge some of the thoughts.
Everything you write sounds so much like what trans people have felt in their past.
There is this short booklet published online for free. Please do read it! Here: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/
And then… You can actually try the hormones. It takes several months for anything irreversible to take place. That’s plenty enough time to feel that it is right indeed.
Most important thing is maybe that cis people would never come to have the thoughts you have.
I had been depressed and anxious throughout my puberty and adult life, until the bottle I had crafted at age 2 or so. And now I am not-depressed for the first time in quarter a century. And that’s worth everything!
Thanks. I’m going to read that.
I can’t try anything real though. My situation doesn’t allow that. And I can’t get away from it.
Could I inquire, what is that situation?
Basically I belong to a fundamentalist and backwards country, I was born and raised in a country that doesn’t like me (and sometimes can’t wait to show it), and I have disappointed myself and people around me in the basic aspects of life. Going for “I think I’m a girl” is a no go every way I look at it. That is, if I am legitimately trans, because my therapist didn’t think so.
Girl, I’ll give you the official stamp of “we trans people accept you as trans”. *Thud*, done
Be yourself when you’re at home, boymode when out in the public. Your life will be much better. You’ll be the happiest girl you’ve ever been 💛
I would have hugged you very tightly and very long if you were here.
I can only imagine there is something about being a girl around girls that I don’t think being a boy around boys can match.
soo true omg
I’m not good with words. But here’s a song I liked a lot when I was in shoes very similar to yours, not that many months ago: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yebNIHKAC4A
And, well, I still like that song a lot!
Thanks. I’ll listen to it as soon as I find my earbuds.
And you are good with words.
Sorry to hear you are in such a situation. A lot of what you said is relatable. Also don’t trust the people in the area I live, so I still semi-try to boymode despite being on HRT for 2.5 years except with those really close to me whom I trust.
Thank you.
I’m sorry you have to experience that as well. And glad you have people you can trust.
One cis therapist from a repressive country is not the arbiter of who is and isn’t trans.
The fact your therapist doesn’t understand this makes them less believable.
He’s good though. And far from repressive. He even encouraged me to try a few things. But, ultimately, he said these thoughts are a symptom of something else.
Therapists and doctors can’t tell if anyone is trans. It doesn’t work that way. There’s no way for him to say that your feelings come from being trans or something else. The only person capable of finding out is you
I very much agree. But, on the other hand, my ability to find things out and decide things has deteriorated over time, drastically so in the past few years.
If I could, I would happily and unapologetically try experiencing stuff as long as I didn’t hurt myself or anyone else. But as things stand, that’s a no go.
I was married to someone who didn’t care which helped but I started by just wearing frillier stuff at home, and sometimes a sports bra with nothing in it under my clothes while going outside. Helped dip my toes in while being covert about it to see what I thought. Also things line Rocky Horror are a great way to go hog wild and play it off “oh it’s just a costume for this silly movie thing”
Edit: I know this all depends heavily your home situation and what area you live in
I really enjoyed what I tried (makeup). It was the most joy I had felt in years, even despite accentuating some of my “manly” facial features.
But I could never go any further than than that. I have to perform the role I have been given.
Would you be in danger if you didn’t fulfill that role?
Probably, in some ways. I don’t want to have go to the country I legally belong to but have never lived in. It’s probably the worst country in the world.
So if you couldn’t perform the role of being a guy, you’d be deported?
It’s complicated at best. There are some things I don’t know, and I don’t trust people who are supposed to know, namely, the authorities.
I’m sorry you have to worry about that
Damn. That’s like me but expressed in better words than I could find