My parents have been giving a lot of mixed signals so indon’t know if I can come out or not.
On one hand they don’t talk shit and don’t get pissy about pride flags and stuff and actually seem supportive. On the other they are extremely religious. To the point where they get pissed when I don’t want to go to church. Wish I had a clear answer. Extended family is even worse. Everyone is extremely
I don’t even know why I bother. Everything has been crashing down recently. My family is probably unaccepting. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend left me. Don’t know why I keep going. I’m just sick and tired
I am sorry you are struggling with this. There’s nothing wrong with keeping yourself safe by not coming out, but that doesn’t do anything for the feeling of being trapped.
I’m not you, but i hope that you’re able to find some space where you are able to be yourself, perhaps a friend group or an online support group?
Being alone and feeling abandoned by a partner is such a terrible feeling. Perhaps, since it all feels spiralling anyway, asking him bluntly for clarification, if you think he’s gone it’ll at least give you answers maybe?
There’s not a magical set of words that will work for you, so throw away anything i have said that doesn’t work. Most of all i wanted you to know people saw you and care you are in pain, even if they are just text on a screen. 💙
I dont know what happened to me. At first he just started texting less and then he just sent these 3 texts
. “I almost got or kidnapped idk sorry” "I don’t feel too well " I don’t want to do this anymore’
He was pretty depressed and I don’t know what happened. Idk if he just left or if he got hurt. He was everything to me. Its been a month now. I’ve been begging for answers. I’m worried he might have killed himself. Only reason I haven’t killed myself is the hope that he would return. Now I’m not so sure. He was everything to me
That’s really hard, especially when it sounds like he was a lot of your life focus. I would be as worried as you, it sounds like you arent able to get any answers at the moment.
To protect yourself, could he have ghosted you in this way to make it easier on himself? Had he ever been conflict avoidant? It’s shitty, but i hear a lot of younger people, without respect to the pain they are causing, flaking out in such a manner.
It may be important that you see if you can find some friends, someone to support you but who you’re not so dependent on. It’s a horrible feeling to have our stability dependent on someone else when sadly humans can be such flawed and weak creatures.
It’s so important you find something inside yourself for you. I have been depressed a long time, (not nearly been put in the situation you have been with a partner) and for me i settled on a weird philosophy that i didn’t choose my birth, but (i am not religious or spiritual) if i go too soon, ill never have a chance to know or experience anything when i die. For me ive settled on leaving when it happens, and trying to get through each day one day at a time.
It’s unlikely that’ll work for you, too, cause it’s such a personal thing to figure out. Im guessing your parents wouldn’t get you a therapist just for you to talk shit out?
He was slightly conflicted about our age gap but he did pull something like this before. Just to a lesser extent. He promised me he wouldn’t do it again. I’m scared. We only talked for a month but in that time he was all I lived for. He was everything to me. He still is everything to me
It doesn’t sound like he returns your adoration and love with respect and care like he should. Age gap, is he older? That sucks that he was able to wrap himself in you and then has shown you now twice he doesn’t care enough to be straight with you.
Im sorry a man like that stole your heart. I hope you’ll be able to see if he can’t talk to you straight, what kind of partner is he really? A man like that isnt dependable enough to build a life with.
It sounds more like you don’t want to be alone than that he has much good to offer you. I know your parents dont show love dependability ao you think everyone is like that, that it’s to be expected and what you deserve. But real people who love you don’t run and hide from bad feelings, they stand by your side when things get hard.
He doesn’t sound like he was every building a life with you, just liked your affection. And don’t feel the need to return it. Try not to let someone like that continue using you. The pain you feel is compounded because you know this isnt how loving people treat one another.
With him I was actually happy for once. I just don’t know what to do. I’m still loyal to him but idk if he’s coming back
Truth is, you need to be loyal to yourself hun. This guy, as great as you say he is, either doesn’t care enough to be straight with you or isn’t well enough to be in a relationship. You gotta focus on you, that’s why you’re lost without him. That’s not how any relationship should be. He should make you stronger for the time you were together, not you be a mess and unable to go on. That’s not a good person. That’s not someone to build a future with.
He should have taken your hand and talked to you, been honest and forthright, so you both could tackle it together, at least emotionally.
His actions show he isn’t as good for you as you felt. He was a drug, but he wasn’t improving your mental health, he just helped get you through the day and helped you forget. That’s not going to last.
Yes he’s older. I’m 14 he’s turning 17 in august The first time it was for less than 24 hours and considering his mental health I didn’t blame him. At this point we weren’t in a relationship yet too. I felt safe with him. I was happy when he would talk to me. I could tell him anything.
The month or so we were talking was probably the best month of my life. I’m jistt scared he might not be safe at the moment
If he was as good as you say, he would be worried about you right now. He would have talked to you and been honest, not cryptic and confusing.
What you described can be had in a friendship. Nothing he offered that you explained is special or even showing a special connection to you. He listened and talked to you like an equal, and that feels amazing if you have never had that. But that’s not really a relationship, especially not when he shows he’s only good to you when his life is good and easy. Aren’t you able to put yourself aside to listen to him? Would YOU ever do this to anyone you love for any reason?
probably not, cause you sound empathetic and kind. a good, kind person maybe makes one mistake. not twice, not threatening self harm. That’s just textbook abuse.
I just don’t know what I’m doing now. Now its over I’m far worse than before I met him. He saved me, I just wish I could return the favour. I’m sorry I keep going on about him. This just has been a lot for me to bear.I feel like I failed him
I’m worried for your mental welbeing. You are here. You are still seeking connection. That’s good. But your surroundings and the people you count on are not the best, probably not even good enough.
You will benefit from having more perspective and from finding out what your specific needs are. The goal is to focus on yourself. Perspective is learning about the experience of other people and try to apply that to your life. Finding out your needs helps to understand what makes you move and the direction you go.
For example: You say the person that left you was your world. I believe you. The world may seem very large, but our reach might be very short, even limited to our own selves. What does that person have that fulfill you? How can you get that without them?
I don’t know you, so I don’t have the right words. Like the others here, I wish you well and hope you can get to a tomorrow in which you are happy.
- Something to think about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZohcMJrvGs
- Something from someone that always cheer me up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UT4PRHQZcgQ
I don’t know what is was about him but with him I was happy, I was fulfilled. I felt safe with him. No matter his bad things got we were happy together. I loved him
I don’t know how tolerant your parents actually are, but I would advise caution here. You’re still a dependent on them and they could potentially try to (in worse case) kick you out of the home or (less worse case but still bad) force you to go to some conversion therapy where they try to make you straight, which is ridiculous and harmful.
As a dependent, they also hold all of the financial levers. They could withhold support if you want to go to college. They could not help you get a car. They could try to coerce you in other ways (my house, my rules).
As much as it pains me to say it, it is best to stay in the closet for a few years until you are financially self-sufficient, whether that is through a job of your own or through a scholarship to college.
For your relationship with your boyfriend, I can’t add much more to the advice others here have given, but it’s ok to recognize the sucky feeling. It’ll get better with time regardless of the ultimate outcome.
How will things get better? He was all I had left. Now all my problems are so much worse. I don’t know why I keep on living
People can let you down sometimes. But don’t see it as a reflection of you or your own self-worth. There are other men (and women, enbies etc) that you can be friends and more, just need to be yourself is all.
I’m just confused. I don’t know if he still gives a shit about me or what is going on. I don’t have any answers. All I know is him leaving like that really messed me up
Yeah breakups are hard and seem very hopeless. It might seem like there’s no one like him and you can’t live without him but eventually you’ll learn to do just that. The timescale varies from person to person.
For example my best friend for more than 15 years ghosted me after i told her that i have developed a crush for her even tho i didn’t expect her to like me back that way because she’s straight. Even tho ghosting is terrible it took me half a year to be able to confidently say i wouldn’t accept her friendship back.
Sorry for that story but what i wanted to say is things will mellow out for you even though they are very turbulent right now.
I hope things get better I’m really lost right now. Family’s full of shit. I just want some fucking respect
My suggestion is don’t unless you are ready to live by yourself. There is very little upside and a lot of downsides. Not sure how old are you but using university as an excuse to move out is something you might consider.
I’m 14 and thing and I live in a tiny country do everywhere is a quick drive away. The university is pretty close to my home sadly
I’m so sorry hon, I totally feel you. It’s really hard having to deal with family, people you get told are gonna stick by you no matter what, just for them to turn out to be the most judgey assholes you can find.
Just know that there are plenty of people in the world who love you for who you are, and I hope you’re able to find your people eventually. Everything may be going to shit now, but there’s always gonna be something to fight for in the end.
You’ve made it this far, you’re so much stronger than you may feel, and I’m proud of you for sticking it out. You got this <3
Just don’t know why I keep going. I clearly don’t belong in my overly religious community and I’m losing what’s left of my sanity
It’s always a huge adjustment when coming out to very close loved ones. I mean, even if you don’t exactly consider yourself close to them there is still that unspoken bond you have. And it is incredibly intimidating to think “how will they react? What are they going to think of me? Treat me?”
If you’re not sure about it but trust your siblings, you can try asking them how they feel your parents might react.
Speaking from experience… do not ever let someone force you to come out before you’re ready. Unless it’s 100% your choice to want to do this, ignore anyone who says otherwise. It’s your truth and your feelings. They have no business in it.
I was young, dumb, and fell for the “I don’t want us to be a secret any more” peer pressure. Regardless of your partners feelings, this is your battle to fight.
Just keep going. It’ll work itself out when the time is right. When we that may be.
I can’t trust my siblings. They are 5 and 3 yes old and share everything with everyone. My partner ( maybe ex I’m confused) was all I cared about and now I don’t even have that left
Yeah that would complicate things. Can’t exactly trust kids with secrets. Maybe you don’t have a partner right now but at least you have us here to cheer you up!
Things will eventually get better. It’s cheesy and not always the case for everyone, but it can.
Now if you’re worried about this in the future, start trying to become as self-sufficient as you can. Save up your money and really start learning some skills. Maybe gardening or wood working (or something that actually interests you.)
Definitely learn cooking and laundry if you haven’t already. Sewing is good, too. Even if you only know how to sew buttons back on!
I am learning to become more self sufficient it’s just my mental health is going to shit. I don’t know what to tell you. He was everything to me. No matter how bad things were I was happy because he was there.
I’d agree with the others here. Me coming out, while living on my own, with similar parents, was still an issue at 36. I feel like the connection with your boyfriend is feeling so raw is it gave you a sense of escapefrome where you are currently, no?
Yeah, it was an intense connection. Despite everything going wrong in my life while o knew him it was somehow the best month of my life because of him