This is probably not cool of me to do, but anyway, I don’t think I am trans, but sometimes I do wish I were a girl, and I do feel jealous of some of the things girls do, even some of the mostly (probably) meaningless gestures and words they exchange. I don’t have any particular opinion about being a man, except there are duties you have to fulfill. But then what about being as you want to be. Things change. You change. You should be allowed to.
I never really thought much about being a man and generally felt like I was neutral on gender, and sometimes wondered about being a girl. Anyways been in hormones for idk maybe 10 years now and surgery two years ago. It’s good to be introspective and whether you find out you are, or aren’t, or are some variety of yet to be named, I’m happy for you to be thinking about it :3
Yes. This. I am neutral about being a man. I don’t mind it, especially in so far as it’s the reality I have to live with. But there is also a big chance I think about wishing to be a girl for the wrong reasons.
Gender is a social construct, and I have (over)thought myself to the point where I think I’d very much like it if I could walk that path and for my body to follow.
I can’t though. Maybe I will (again) some day secretly try in small ways to indulge some of the thoughts.
And then… You can actually try the hormones. It takes several months for anything irreversible to take place. That’s plenty enough time to feel that it is right indeed.
Most important thing is maybe that cis people would never come to have the thoughts you have.
I had been depressed and anxious throughout my puberty and adult life, until the bottle I had crafted at age 2 or so. And now I am not-depressed for the first time in quarter a century. And that’s worth everything!
Basically I belong to a fundamentalist and backwards country, I was born and raised in a country that doesn’t like me (and sometimes can’t wait to show it), and I have disappointed myself and people around me in the basic aspects of life. Going for “I think I’m a girl” is a no go every way I look at it. That is, if I am legitimately trans, because my therapist didn’t think so.
Sorry to hear you are in such a situation. A lot of what you said is relatable. Also don’t trust the people in the area I live, so I still semi-try to boymode despite being on HRT for 2.5 years except with those really close to me whom I trust.
He’s good though. And far from repressive. He even encouraged me to try a few things. But, ultimately, he said these thoughts are a symptom of something else.
I was married to someone who didn’t care which helped but I started by just wearing frillier stuff at home, and sometimes a sports bra with nothing in it under my clothes while going outside. Helped dip my toes in while being covert about it to see what I thought. Also things line Rocky Horror are a great way to go hog wild and play it off “oh it’s just a costume for this silly movie thing”
Edit: I know this all depends heavily your home situation and what area you live in
Probably, in some ways. I don’t want to have go to the country I legally belong to but have never lived in. It’s probably the worst country in the world.
I am sure of one thing. If I didn’t have people who rely on me (not dependents like wife and kids, never even had a girlfriend), I would have gone all the way. Maybe it’d ultimately be for the wrong reasons, but let it. If it made me happy, why not.
Same 😭 I think I’m fine enough being a guy but starting to unlearn the conventions of patriarchy has helped a lot. I recommend The Will to Change: Love, Masculinity and Men by bell hooks, available as an audiobook at !audiobookbay@lemmy.dbzer0.com
Depending on what society you’ve been a member of, this may be a lot to unlearn but you’ll make it. It’s never too late to start being an ally or member of the LGBTQ+ community, and you’ve already taken a lot of steps in the right direction. I’m sure everyone here welcomes you publishing your introspection or asking for advice on the next steps if you’re comfortable with it. If you’re too shy, that’s fine too, there are resources like the book I mentioned that will let you gain insight on how to be more accomodating of others and even your own feelings, undoing the damage of legacy social structures you’ve been accustomed to.
Personally, I’m in my mid-20s and from a rather traditional family and I’m not ready for a full gender introspection yet. I used to think my musings on “what if I’m not quite male” were a burden on the community or attention-seeking behavior but they were very happy to provide resources. Consider joining the Genderverse or 196 Matrix spaces for more insights.
I’d love nothing more, but since it can’t go beyond thought, it’d be a waste of people’s time.
I’d be happy to share my thoughts with people if I knew it’d help someone, but I have had no real experience in life, despite being in almost my mid-thirties. And thought without some basic experience is useless.
I will say, I couldn’t experience so many things until I transitioned. There were a lot of things I wanted to try as a man so that I could be more sure that it wasn’t for me. I worried I was just taking a shortcut that wouldn’t actually help me; that I just wanted to transition because I wasn’t happy with myself.
However, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t do the things I am able to do now. I ultimately couldn’t force myself to be a person when I had to play a role I wasn’t built for. The biggest realization I had about being trans was that it wasn’t my choice to make. I just was, and the only actual choice I had was to live or to not.
Thankfully, it quickly became clear that transitioning wouldn’t solve all my problems; only make them solvable. I still need to do all the things necessary to be a happy, healthy, or even functional. I’m still struggling in so many ways, but despite how hard, scary, or depressing things seem, I know they would be so much worse if I didn’t transition. I’d rather die than go back.
Considering your circumstances, I don’t blame you for not feeling like you have any choice but to play the role of man. However, you have even less choice in what gender you can be comfortable as. If you are actually trans, nothing you do will ever make the thoughts go away, or make you happy with who you are now. If that is your circumstance, I’m sorry you have such shit options.
Some of what you said here gives me this idea: maybe I am trans, and the proof of that is how far I have been able to imagine being a woman. Not simply a girl who is trying makeup to make herself feel better, but a woman in a life of humanity.
Or maybe I am such a good empath, or at a delusionally good one, that I think I can feel what it’s like to be a woman.
I can at least be happy that I have felt some beautiful feelings. That I think I know what it’s like to be a woman. Even if they ultimately have to be repressed.
I appreciate you, everyone, who takes the time to talk to people this supportively.
If you really feel that experiencing life as a different gender then there’s certainly something worth exploring there. If you haven’t already, maybe try looking for a therapist (preferably one who’s experienced with gender and sexuality issues). That’s really helped me work out a lot of my own stuff.
And hey, maybe there’s not much there. Maybe you just want to explore a more feminine presentation. Maybe you’re non-binary, fluid, trans, or maybe you’re just cis with a healthy dose of curiosity. No harm in trying to figure it out and nothing is set in stone.
I would, but there’s not much room. So if any attempt, however private, does indeed lead to stronger and more real urges to explore further, I will only have intensified my sense of loss.
I still remember the feeling and scent of the lipstick I tried a bunch of times. The mascara.
I see myself doomed to go the path I’m already thrown in. And since deeper thoughts about being a girl are rather new, I can more easily chalk it up to the anxiety and pressure of the last few years of my life. Maybe wanting to be a girl is just a way to escape my reality, my anxieties, or even some of my responsibilities. I can’t even be 100% sure about that, but I guess that’s the more pragmatic way of looking at it.
I see myself doomed to go the path I’m already thrown in.
It’s your life and you don’t need to do anything, but please don’t fall into the trap of thinking it’s too late to discover and embrace whatever version of you is most authentic. As long as you’re still alive, there’s still time.
Some things can’t be, even if only because we may not have predicted that we would want them.
For practical purposes, I will go with what another commenter said. I had thought of it myself. It may as well be true. Idealization of the feminine, anxiety, low self-esteem, a deterioration of a sense of self.
Yes, I would have loved to try a whole lot of things. Even if to quench a curiosity, even if to just play. But I know that if I keep digging, and I’d have to dig alone, I will be more and more alone and lonely. Even if there is something very real buried right there.
This is probably not cool of me to do, but anyway, I don’t think I am trans, but sometimes I do wish I were a girl, and I do feel jealous of some of the things girls do, even some of the mostly (probably) meaningless gestures and words they exchange. I don’t have any particular opinion about being a man, except there are duties you have to fulfill. But then what about being as you want to be. Things change. You change. You should be allowed to.
I never really thought much about being a man and generally felt like I was neutral on gender, and sometimes wondered about being a girl. Anyways been in hormones for idk maybe 10 years now and surgery two years ago. It’s good to be introspective and whether you find out you are, or aren’t, or are some variety of yet to be named, I’m happy for you to be thinking about it :3
Yes. This. I am neutral about being a man. I don’t mind it, especially in so far as it’s the reality I have to live with. But there is also a big chance I think about wishing to be a girl for the wrong reasons. Gender is a social construct, and I have (over)thought myself to the point where I think I’d very much like it if I could walk that path and for my body to follow. I can’t though. Maybe I will (again) some day secretly try in small ways to indulge some of the thoughts.
Everything you write sounds so much like what trans people have felt in their past.
There is this short booklet published online for free. Please do read it! Here: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/
And then… You can actually try the hormones. It takes several months for anything irreversible to take place. That’s plenty enough time to feel that it is right indeed.
Most important thing is maybe that cis people would never come to have the thoughts you have.
I had been depressed and anxious throughout my puberty and adult life, until the bottle I had crafted at age 2 or so. And now I am not-depressed for the first time in quarter a century. And that’s worth everything!
Thanks. I’m going to read that.
I can’t try anything real though. My situation doesn’t allow that. And I can’t get away from it.
Could I inquire, what is that situation?
Basically I belong to a fundamentalist and backwards country, I was born and raised in a country that doesn’t like me (and sometimes can’t wait to show it), and I have disappointed myself and people around me in the basic aspects of life. Going for “I think I’m a girl” is a no go every way I look at it. That is, if I am legitimately trans, because my therapist didn’t think so.
Girl, I’ll give you the official stamp of “we trans people accept you as trans”. *Thud*, done
Be yourself when you’re at home, boymode when out in the public. Your life will be much better. You’ll be the happiest girl you’ve ever been 💛
I would have hugged you very tightly and very long if you were here.
I can only imagine there is something about being a girl around girls that I don’t think being a boy around boys can match.
Sorry to hear you are in such a situation. A lot of what you said is relatable. Also don’t trust the people in the area I live, so I still semi-try to boymode despite being on HRT for 2.5 years except with those really close to me whom I trust.
Thank you.
I’m sorry you have to experience that as well. And glad you have people you can trust.
One cis therapist from a repressive country is not the arbiter of who is and isn’t trans.
The fact your therapist doesn’t understand this makes them less believable.
He’s good though. And far from repressive. He even encouraged me to try a few things. But, ultimately, he said these thoughts are a symptom of something else.
I was married to someone who didn’t care which helped but I started by just wearing frillier stuff at home, and sometimes a sports bra with nothing in it under my clothes while going outside. Helped dip my toes in while being covert about it to see what I thought. Also things line Rocky Horror are a great way to go hog wild and play it off “oh it’s just a costume for this silly movie thing”
Edit: I know this all depends heavily your home situation and what area you live in
I really enjoyed what I tried (makeup). It was the most joy I had felt in years, even despite accentuating some of my “manly” facial features.
But I could never go any further than than that. I have to perform the role I have been given.
Would you be in danger if you didn’t fulfill that role?
Probably, in some ways. I don’t want to have go to the country I legally belong to but have never lived in. It’s probably the worst country in the world.
So if you couldn’t perform the role of being a guy, you’d be deported?
It’s complicated at best. There are some things I don’t know, and I don’t trust people who are supposed to know, namely, the authorities.
Damn. That’s like me but expressed in better words than I could find
sounds a
lotbit like:to me
I love that.
I am sure of one thing. If I didn’t have people who rely on me (not dependents like wife and kids, never even had a girlfriend), I would have gone all the way. Maybe it’d ultimately be for the wrong reasons, but let it. If it made me happy, why not.
Hating being a man is not a requirement for being trans
You have to come up with a different reason to be sure you arent trans
Why wouldn’t it? Being introspective is fine
Introspection is good. But it can be paralyzing if it leads somewhere you can’t actually go. And I’m very prone to analysis paralysis.
Same 😭 I think I’m fine enough being a guy but starting to unlearn the conventions of patriarchy has helped a lot. I recommend The Will to Change: Love, Masculinity and Men by bell hooks, available as an audiobook at !audiobookbay@lemmy.dbzer0.com
Thanks for the recommendation.
That’s exactly what I have to do. Unlearn a bunch of stuff. Not just conventions of patriarchy though. Some basic stuff as well
Depending on what society you’ve been a member of, this may be a lot to unlearn but you’ll make it. It’s never too late to start being an ally or member of the LGBTQ+ community, and you’ve already taken a lot of steps in the right direction. I’m sure everyone here welcomes you publishing your introspection or asking for advice on the next steps if you’re comfortable with it. If you’re too shy, that’s fine too, there are resources like the book I mentioned that will let you gain insight on how to be more accomodating of others and even your own feelings, undoing the damage of legacy social structures you’ve been accustomed to.
Personally, I’m in my mid-20s and from a rather traditional family and I’m not ready for a full gender introspection yet. I used to think my musings on “what if I’m not quite male” were a burden on the community or attention-seeking behavior but they were very happy to provide resources. Consider joining the Genderverse or 196 Matrix spaces for more insights.
I’d love nothing more, but since it can’t go beyond thought, it’d be a waste of people’s time.
I’d be happy to share my thoughts with people if I knew it’d help someone, but I have had no real experience in life, despite being in almost my mid-thirties. And thought without some basic experience is useless.
I will say, I couldn’t experience so many things until I transitioned. There were a lot of things I wanted to try as a man so that I could be more sure that it wasn’t for me. I worried I was just taking a shortcut that wouldn’t actually help me; that I just wanted to transition because I wasn’t happy with myself.
However, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t do the things I am able to do now. I ultimately couldn’t force myself to be a person when I had to play a role I wasn’t built for. The biggest realization I had about being trans was that it wasn’t my choice to make. I just was, and the only actual choice I had was to live or to not.
Thankfully, it quickly became clear that transitioning wouldn’t solve all my problems; only make them solvable. I still need to do all the things necessary to be a happy, healthy, or even functional. I’m still struggling in so many ways, but despite how hard, scary, or depressing things seem, I know they would be so much worse if I didn’t transition. I’d rather die than go back.
Considering your circumstances, I don’t blame you for not feeling like you have any choice but to play the role of man. However, you have even less choice in what gender you can be comfortable as. If you are actually trans, nothing you do will ever make the thoughts go away, or make you happy with who you are now. If that is your circumstance, I’m sorry you have such shit options.
Some of what you said here gives me this idea: maybe I am trans, and the proof of that is how far I have been able to imagine being a woman. Not simply a girl who is trying makeup to make herself feel better, but a woman in a life of humanity.
Or maybe I am such a good empath, or at a delusionally good one, that I think I can feel what it’s like to be a woman.
I can at least be happy that I have felt some beautiful feelings. That I think I know what it’s like to be a woman. Even if they ultimately have to be repressed.
I appreciate you, everyone, who takes the time to talk to people this supportively.
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Egg prime directive. Helpful resources are good, online ‘diagnosis’ are not.
That’s not really up to you to discern.
I wish.
I would not have liked anything more than certainty.
If you really feel that experiencing life as a different gender then there’s certainly something worth exploring there. If you haven’t already, maybe try looking for a therapist (preferably one who’s experienced with gender and sexuality issues). That’s really helped me work out a lot of my own stuff.
And hey, maybe there’s not much there. Maybe you just want to explore a more feminine presentation. Maybe you’re non-binary, fluid, trans, or maybe you’re just cis with a healthy dose of curiosity. No harm in trying to figure it out and nothing is set in stone.
I would, but there’s not much room. So if any attempt, however private, does indeed lead to stronger and more real urges to explore further, I will only have intensified my sense of loss.
I still remember the feeling and scent of the lipstick I tried a bunch of times. The mascara.
I see myself doomed to go the path I’m already thrown in. And since deeper thoughts about being a girl are rather new, I can more easily chalk it up to the anxiety and pressure of the last few years of my life. Maybe wanting to be a girl is just a way to escape my reality, my anxieties, or even some of my responsibilities. I can’t even be 100% sure about that, but I guess that’s the more pragmatic way of looking at it.
It’s your life and you don’t need to do anything, but please don’t fall into the trap of thinking it’s too late to discover and embrace whatever version of you is most authentic. As long as you’re still alive, there’s still time.
I agree, but in a “stoic” way.
Some things can’t be, even if only because we may not have predicted that we would want them.
For practical purposes, I will go with what another commenter said. I had thought of it myself. It may as well be true. Idealization of the feminine, anxiety, low self-esteem, a deterioration of a sense of self.
Yes, I would have loved to try a whole lot of things. Even if to quench a curiosity, even if to just play. But I know that if I keep digging, and I’d have to dig alone, I will be more and more alone and lonely. Even if there is something very real buried right there.
You do you, but always remember, there is still time. It will only be too late when you’re dead
Many people transition later in life. Someone in my friend group only transitioned in her mid 40s.
You don’t have to go all the way in one shot, too. A different friend just dabbled by painting nails and changing hair cuts for a while.
Talk to a therapist, probably.
If I had years ago left the country where I am, maybe I could.
But then again, maybe I wouldn’t even think this way about gender had I not had some particular anxieties and problems.
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