Recovering from burnout. Personal life happened, an anxiety spell took over me, and school continued on. But things are slowly being put back together. I think I’ll be okay. Even if at times I feel like I’m alone, I’m reminded by my friends that I’m not. Guess it’s a habit to think that way. Breaking out of it.
Also I met a unicorn. Dating said unicorn. Feel very happy. c:
Hope y’all feel better soon!
Had a lovely anxiety spell take over me the past couple of days, but I’m working on solving the issues that are causing said anxieties, bit by bit. At least the weekend will start, though my internship now seeps into my weekends… Don’t look forward to Saturdays as much as I used to. But Sunday, I’ll be hanging out with a friend. And then I’ll be hanging out with someone I really like. ⌯’▾’⌯ Trying to be optimistic and get work done so that the anxiety lessens.
I feel tired, but in a good way. Met up with more friends, ate good food, and had fun. My friends were kind enough to treat me a bit since they uh, understand my current financial position as broke college student™.
But I got good news this week: I now have two jobs! One being the internship, and the other is a student desk job (aka I get paid while doing homework type of job). It’ll be busy, but it should be manageable. So I need to budget a plan to visit a friend this summer and pay some of my loans again (considering that I’ll finally have some money to do so). Haha…
Other than that I’ve been studying again. Working on a community project for my career path, and figuring out my presidential duties for my club (club funding due date is approaching).
I still have about two weeks of break left, but it feels like my vacation is done. And honestly…I’m good with that. I feel like this was the most mentally productive break I’ve had in years. (-◡-◍)
Thank you for your kind words! I appreciate it ⌯’▾’⌯ I’ll do my best. Life certainly feels like it’s at a tipping point where things can turn out better, so everything is a mix of terrifying yet exhilarating.
The hike was awesome! I’m currently very tuckered out by it lol.
Weird, but not overly bad. Still burnt out from last semester and can’t believe that it’s already been a week in for winter break. Time passing has been a relief and a stressor, with me contemplating how to best use my time when most of it has been used up by me constantly napping… at least so far.
Met up with two friends. One is gonna be my coworker soon, and we really got along! Hung out for about eight hours chatting… He might be in charge of me and the rest of the interns though, so we’ll see how our hangouts go in the future. We plan on hiking before he has to return to work.
Christmas has been interesting. My parents made a croissant filled with Nutella and sausages. Random quips and complaints thrown about. No big fight though, so that’s nice. We almost had no gifts because my mom was worried about money, but decided to shop the day before Christmas Eve since I was going out anyway to meet my friend. I reminded her about my wishlist (the third or fourth reminder) because I didn’t want her to randomly buy me clothes that I would never wear for the umpteenth time.
I’m beginning to think that I need to slowly take over the cooking and baking in this household. And driving. And cleaning. I mean, it’s a household of adults and aging parents. I want things to get better, but I need to create a plan with my siblings — which won’t be happening soon, because everyone is having their own struggles with depression and finances. .-.
I didn’t mean to make this existential. But Christmas is my reminder of the good and bad times with family. I hope to have a Christmas that reminds me of why I used to love this holiday… I’m trying to make the best of this break without letting my worries get to me.
Edit: I forgot to add in the midst of my rambling. Happy holidays, everyone! I hope y’all are doing well and/or are making it through this time of year.
Hope you make a complete recovery soon!
Winter break is about to start! ⌯’▾’⌯ And I’ll eat sushi today with a couple friends as a reward for all the hard work.
I’m excited to pet my dog. (-◡-◍)
We got another email clarifying the situation, and they state to submit “anticipated funding requests.” I’m just skeptical because I know the student union can be messy, and my club is fairly new. I’m sure it’ll be fine, it’s just… pretty abrupt. I also just feel pretty tuckered out, so I’m complaining. (ᵒ ᵕ ᵒ٥)ゞ
Turns out they did spend all their money from this semester. ._. I can’t exactly blame them on that though. I’ve heard there have been more budget cuts.
Long update ._.
I got the internship offer! ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧ One step towards my dream career! I haven’t processed it yet. I haven’t processed any festive vibes, either.
I blame this lack of processing on the semester being a train wreck. Last school year was like a bus hit me. This year…train.
Drama! ಥ_ಥ Burnout! ( ꒦ິ◡꒦ີ) Homework hell! ತ_ತ Long class hours! (☍◡⁰) No money or work! ¯_(ツ)_/¯
As always, whenever I reminisce on my growth (pains), there’s a heavy amount of regret and gratitude for those grueling moments. I can’t believe this period of my life is almost over. And now I’m moving on to the next phase of my life, building my career.
It’s funny… A few years back, I would never have thought I’d make it this far. I didn’t think I had a future. I couldn’t imagine one. And yet I made a choice to go to uni— and everything slowly but surely began to change in my life for the better. Just because I kept… trying to make better choices for myself once I found a safer environment to be in.
I mean it was hard. Becoming a board officer for a volunteering club, getting into my program, reviving another club and becoming president, working when I could, finding my own projects outside of the program to work on… In these moments where I often felt like I was dying, it looks like I was actually living lol. Does that make sense?
(Anyways, enough with the sentimental stuff. Though it’s warm and fuzzy.)
My winter break doesn’t seem like much of a break, so I’m somewhat concerned.
But… There should be room to have fun in all that, right? ( ᵒ ᵕ ᵒ ) I wanna hang out with a friend and good god I need a break.
I finally hit a small moment of freedom from school. For the first time in months I can breathe, just a bit, from burnout. Although there’s more to be done, the most important tasks vanished from my sight… for now. ;-;
Did an internship interview and it went really well! I ended up talking to one interviewer afterwards for thirty minutes, and I got the vibe that I’m one of their better candidates. I’ll know if I got it by the next or following week.
Cut off my friend who was an ‘ex.’ It was relieving. Words cannot describe the exasperation, confusion, and disappointment I felt about him throughout the whole relationship, including pre/post romantic period. Trying to clarify communication/boundaries/issues with him felt like constipated diarrhea and the Jackie Chan meme on repeat.
I’ll be celebrating my Mom’s bday tomorrow which just so happens to land on Thanksgiving. Had Friendsgiving last week. ⌯’▾’⌯
Puppies. I love puppies.
I got my first ex lol.
It’s alright— it was a relationship where we both understood the feelings are new and we’re both inexperienced, but in retrospect all communication fell from there lol. Aaand I think it’s still falling.
So. (ᵒ ᵕ ᵒ٥)ゞ Let’s see how much of it can actually be settled…
Otherwise life has been a piece of shit because of burnout. So much is happening around me that I know I’m succeeding at, but I’m having a hard time acknowledging my success. The fear and exhaustion is seeping in. I’m hoping I can recover soon! …Because a lot feels like it’s at stake. (☍◡⁰)
Good luck to everyone 🫡
Going back to the dorms on Friday. It’s a yay/nay situation. Love my friends there. Hate the amount of the work that has to get done. But gotta think on the positive end to keep me going. (Or just… think less to make it easier on the mind lol.)
Today I went to an awesome local coffee shop/bookstore. It’s so beautifully decorated with unique displays and niche items. It captured a very cottage core theme while also having a surprisingly wide variety of books. God I’m gonna miss that place. I really want to go back. Has everything I want in a bookstore… There’s a whole bookshelf filled with architecture and graphic design books I want to get.
Then I got to go to this cute little park/outlet. I’m not sure how to describe it— it’s a small area with a treehouse playground that’s walled off. And I got to see a fire show of sorts. It’s been a fun, exhausting day. Nice way to end my summer break.
Ehh, surviving. It’s not bad but I feel like I should be doing better.
The toll of family drama/finances is getting to me and I’ve found myself spiraling into old habits. I keep reminding myself to not let it get to me. I’m hoping to move out and get an apartment near my university but… Well, of course it’s easier said than done.
I know that being a full-time student is like a full-time job, but I’m considering getting two part-time jobs just to save up. But with my two other extracurriculars, keeping up my social life, and sleep— yeah, I’ll burn out at this rate.
I just feel like there’s so much at stake, in both the short term and long term future, that I can’t sacrifice anything. I’m scared of getting something ‘wrong,’ but I know that no action is the worst action to take right now.
So that’s my long explanation as to why I shouldn’t be procrastinating and how I’m struggling with procrastination.
I dunno. Any tips on how to change my environment up a bit to keep my focus? Or something to keep me sane. So far the only safe space I have is my own room. ._.
(Driving is not really an option since I’m still practicing.)
Ah, I am planning on baking a tres leches cake though over the weekend. It’s something to shake things up.
Saving up. Getting a summer job has been harder than expected, especially since I thought I’d have my job over the summer… But I know it’s not the end of the world either. Just a little bummed out. Maybe I can still find something but I’m not holding my breath— at least I have a bit of money coming in from a design commission and selling off a phone.
Still reading. Picked up the book Haroun and the Sea of Stories. Studying and searching for UI and graphic design internships to take in the fall. Been practicing chess daily. (Not great at it but it’s fun.) Practicing driving. (Which is a whole other story I could get into…)
But right now I feel slow and antsy. I’m hoping something in life turns around soon… Atmosphere in my house feels too heavy. It’s a sleepy and hot summer.
I’m on my first book for the summer. A friend inspired me to get back into reading, and I forgot how fun it can be. c:
But the big news is summer break from uni ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧
It felt like two years in one. So much has happened, both good and bad, but right now I get to finally, finally decompress.
(But honestly, two days into this break and I got restless.)
I’m looking for work. Got laid off from my student job due to remote work budget cuts. It was a bummer, but I’m not too worried about getting a job for the summer.
I’m also studying for this startup project I’m volunteering with. The other designer left and uh, now I have the chance to be the design lead. For now I’ll take small steps because that is not a role I want to mess up. XD
Then there are my two clubs I need to meet up with throughout the summer.
In regards to more stereotypical summer fun stuff, I’ll be going to an anime convention with some friends in a couple months. It’ll be my first convention! Plus I get to meet a friend I haven’t seen in about five years.
And I might be going on an LA trip in August! ⌯’▾’⌯ We might be touring the Winchester Mystery House as well.
Welp. I got into my design program. It was roughly a 50% chance of getting in so I’m glad. It’s just bittersweet since half of my class isn’t in the BFA.
Honestly thought I’d feel more happy about it, but I guess it’s hard when you’ve exhausted yourself… So now that spring break is happening, I’m giving myself a couple days to unwind and then I’ll start moving ahead with work.
Also trying a dating app. Which sucks. We’ll see if it ends up being a good or bad thing. But for now… I don’t think I’m going to engage in it that much. Feels weird.
Still in uni, got a snow day. It was a nice change of pace since this month is gonna drive me crazy. I had to pull back from a couple activities because the graphic design portfolio admission deadline is in the beginning of March. (One activity was a part time job I really like— which is an ouch. But I’ll hopefully be able to pick it up again once this is all over, based on my supervisor…) The other one is my vice president position at a community service club, but the term is ending in a month, so it’s perfect timing.
Speaking of clubs, I’ve been trying to revive the AIGA club at my school, and we voted on board today. I became president through a unanimous vote. (☍◡⁰) it was not my intention at first, but no one was raising their hand to take the role… And even the faculty advisor said she was gonna call out my name if I didn’t raise my hand lol. I think I maybe, just maybe made a good impression since I’ve been creating the building blocks. And I was too dumb to realize that ppl would want me to lead since I was… already leading, I guess. 🫠 Haha whoops.
But I’m sure it’ll pay off. I’m a little nervous but also excited! Life is crazy right now but I hope everything ends well! (Because it would be even more awkward to not get into the design program when I’m the president of the design club ._.)
I finally have a chance to breathe from my chaotic semester. At the same time, I worry that I won’t have enough time to recover because certain responsibilities are time sensitive. And my family environment isn’t the best…
There’s one task that really bugs me: future roommates want to move out of the dorms before the next semester starts, and this was ‘decided’ on around finals week. Plus we apartment hunted for like… less than a week, around finals week.
The old plan was to move around the end of the school year, which would’ve given us time to research everything we need to know, search for places, and plan move in. (And the old idea was that I only had one roommate, not two.)
This rushing is all due to a shitty dorm situation my second roommate is in, but… It’s so rushed that I don’t even know what to say. I don’t want to risk something worse happening. I feel like there are so many unknown variables. We’re planning a discussion with each other and each other’s parents at some point this break, so I’m honestly hoping we don’t move out soon unless we’re mostly sure things will work out.
…Overall though, I’m just trying not to think. My body is exhausted; my brain is drained. I just wanna relax, and I haven’t registered that Christmas is soon. I’m not in the holiday mood at all.
At least I get to pet my dog. He’s so fluffy and floofy.
It’s been a long time since I’ve commented on these weekly check ups. I’m so sleepy… But for the first time in over a month, I feel caught up in a good chunk of my schoolwork. Can’t wait for break!
I accomplished a lot this semester but I just can’t process it yet. I’m too much in the thick of things, blinded by stress and exhaustion lol. Overall though, pretty hopeful. Things look bright.
Hope everyone is doing well, and/or things get better soon!
Burnout. Gotta sacrifice some of my Sundays hanging out with my bf. A lil sad bc he’s the only person right now on my life that has free time(ish). 🫠 Then the rest of my week is busy. Saturdays are workdays. Mondays–Thursdays have a mix of work, schoolwork, and homework.
And I’m looking for summer internships, and trying to find skills to work on in the meantime. Not sure how much time I have to prioritize this stuff though. But uh… I need to find a job asap once I graduate. I dunno.
Life has been tough. I’m hoping summer will be easier.